Darkness twisted her hands tightly together. Her heavy Crusader armor gave off faint scraping sounds with each ragged breath. Her cheeks were flushed so red they looked ready to bleed, and her eyes shone with an almost sickly excitement.
"Are you listening? That man named Alexei... he's practically the standard template for a noble! Proper, graceful, upright to the point of nausea! He even pulls out my chair when I enter the room and asks about my preferences in that disgustingly gentle voice... Ngh, just imagining spending the rest of my life with someone that painfully normal, being cared for every day as if I were some fragile object, makes me feel like I'm going to break!"
She suddenly leaned forward, her magnificent chest pressing heavily against the edge of the wooden table and startling the wine glass beside her into a little jump.
She stared fixedly at Kōichi and Kazuma Satou, her eyes filled with a dangerous kind of longing.
"Compared to him, you two... you two are the true treasures! Kōichi, that cold air of yours, where you clearly see through everything but always wear that 'tch, what a pain' expression. And Kazuma, your scumbag nature, where you'll do anything to survive, even resorting to lowlife tricks like using Steal on girls... Ahh, that aura of trash like you two, constantly testing the very edge of human morality, intoxicates me more than the strongest liquor!"
Darkness's breathing grew even faster, and she even began letting out a strange, low moan.
"Please... please use those eyes full of contempt, disdain, and the thought that this woman is beyond saving to trample all over me, a powerless noble daughter being forced into marriage who can only turn to depraved Adventurers for help! Hurry! Treat me like a stray dog on the roadside!"
The fork in Kazuma Satou's hand clattered to the floor. His face went from white to blue, then from blue to purple, and finally settled into pure terror.
He lowered his voice and said to Kōichi in a trembling tone, "...Kōichi, I know people call us depraved all the time, but this woman... she's completely broken, right? I really can't bear love this heavy. It's like a curse!"
Kōichi looked at Darkness, who had already sunk deep into her own delusions and was even reaching out to grab the hems of their clothes. Alarm bells went off in his head.
"Run... run!"
Kōichi decisively gave the order to retreat.
The two of them shot off almost at the same time, turning into two blurs as they rushed out the mansion gate, while Darkness's forceful plea rang out behind them.
"Don't go! It's not over yet! Please do something even worse to me!"
...
Out on the street, the two bent over with their hands on their knees, gasping hard. Their lungs burned from the sprint, but the mental damage had clearly been far worse than the physical exhaustion.
Just then, Aqua and Megumin appeared at the end of the street, each carrying a bag of steaming snacks as they strolled back from shopping without a care in the world.
"Oh my? If it isn't Kōichi and Kazuma. Why do you two look like you barely escaped alive from a Goblin nest? Did you get caught peeping again? Honestly, as my followers, your behavior is way too embarrassing. Hurry up and repent to your Goddess!"
Aqua mocked them with her mouth full of fries.
"I'll lose all respect for you if you were running for such a boring reason."
Megumin adjusted her eyepatch, her voice tinged with disdain.
Kōichi wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and hurriedly explained, "No... it's not that! It's Darkness! She's completely broken! She actually said her blind date partner is too perfect for her to handle, then begged us to do even worse things to her!"
Kazuma Satou nodded frantically, his face full of horror. "It's a curse! A perverted abyss that must never be touched! That man Alexei is practically a saint, but Darkness thinks he's hell!"
After hearing their explanation, Megumin tilted her head with a look of complete confusion.
"...?
Um, did I hear that right? A nobleman from a prestigious family, with a gentle personality, handsome looks, and a strong sense of responsibility. Isn't that the absolute best marriage partner in the world? For that masochistic Knight who knows nothing but defense and constantly causes trouble for the Party, this is practically a miracle, isn't it?"
Even Aqua put on a rare serious expression and nodded along.
"Exactly! This is practically salvation bestowed by the Goddess! If Darkness marries that kind of rich man, wouldn't we be able to go to her house every day for fancy tea and expensive snacks? This is definitely the greatest happiness Darkness will ever have in her life! She should accept this fate with tears of gratitude!"
Just as the four of them stood on the street corner loudly discussing the matter, a shadow silently fell over them.
"...The greatest happiness...? Tears of gratitude...?"
A voice trembling like a leaf in the wind came from behind them.
The four of them stiffly turned around and saw Darkness standing less than three meters away.
Her elegant dress was slightly disheveled from chasing after them, and the blush on her face had not yet faded. But now, there was also a despair in her expression, as if she had been betrayed.
"Even you... even you all say that?!" Darkness suddenly hugged her own shoulders, her slender fingers digging deep into her flesh, her eyes shining with a broken light. "You're actually calling that hellish life happiness? Drinking tea every day in a sunlit courtyard, being gently woken by a considerate husband... a married life with no humiliation, no violence, no mental torment, only pure kindness and respect... Are you trying to kill me?! What kind of cruel punishment is that?!"
She let out a wail and charged once again toward the four stunned onlookers.
"If all of you think that is happiness, then that only proves how pitiful and helpless my situation is! Hurry! Before I'm completely drowned by that normal person's happiness, do something more vulgar and depraved to wake me up!"
The bustle of the street seemed to freeze in that instant. The four of them stared at Darkness with faces that had given up on life.
Darkness took a deep breath, and the flushed, twisted look brought on by her fantasies gradually settled down.
She straightened her back. Her deep blue eyes no longer held cloudy desire, but a resolve so solemn it was almost tragic.
She slowly walked up to Kōichi, Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin. Then, under everyone's eyes, this great noble of the kingdom, the young lady of House Dustiness, actually bowed her head deeply to this group of Axel's famous problem children.
"Kōichi, Kazuma, and Aqua and Megumin... please. This is the request of my lifetime!"
Darkness's voice trembled, but it carried undeniable sincerity.
"I know Lord Alexei truly is an impeccable, outstanding man. If I married him, I might be able to live the stable and respected life every woman in this world dreams of. But... but I don't want that future! I am a Crusader who follows the teachings of Goddess Eris. What I long for is fighting powerful enemies in the wilderness, living as an Adventurer alongside all of you... you hopeless companions, through days full of poverty and things worth complaining about!"