Dave was thinking to himself as he wandered mindlessly onwards:
I got lucky this time, completing a science experiment is just about the easiest quest this dumbass system could give me. I wonder what kind of reward I'll get. Of course, my gamer intuition tells me it'll be something that could aid me in completing my current main objective, locating a futanari ghetto, whatever the fuck that is. I should probably ask some of the Golden Crab sect guys for clues about it while we're here.
Dave was so absorbed in his scheming he almost walked into a pillar of stone.
"Agh, who put this stupid hunk of rock in the middle of the road? I'm walking here!" He kicked the pillar out of sheer anger.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing you scoundrel!" an old man cried out contemptuously. The old bald man, his face wrinkled, and his mustache and beard white, wore an orange robe embroidered with the imagery of various species of crabs in gold. He hurried over with an angry expression on his face.
"Senior Old Boiled Crab," Liu Yan greeted him.
"Ah, Fairy Liu Yan," he greeted her back in a now warmer tone. "It's a pleasant surprise to have you visiting us, but," he pointed the long finger of accusation at Dave, who smirked, "who's this punk?"
Dave took the opportunity to introduce himself: "I'm Dave Archer, scientist extraordinaire, genius, and uh… Ghetto shaman."
Old Boiled Crab looked only more confused "What?"
"Please excuse him, senior Old Boiled Crab. Dave here is an otherworlder. He appears to possess some special technique, so we invited him to our sect for an aptitude test. We're only here on a mission from our sect to seek an audience with elder Xie Qiangsheng."
"Ah, Xie Qiangsheng, right. He's… He's somewhere around here." Old Boiled Crab answered while he remained fixated on Dave.
Fang Xiu Hua stepped forward, cupping her fists. "Senior Old Boiled Crab," she addressed him, "I trust we can leave Dave in your care while we speak with Elder Xie Qiangsheng."
"Yes you should speak with Xie Qiangsheng… Wait what? You want me to babysit this ingrate?"
"Hey I'm not a baby." said Dave.
"Right you are." said Old Boiled Crab.
"No I'm not." said Dave.
"I agree." said Old Boiled Crab.
Fang Xiu Hua put an end to the senseless exchange of words by shoving Dave to the side. "If babysitting is how you would put it, senior Old Boiled Crab, then yes, babysitting Dave would be of great help. You could teach him some basic cultivation techniques too, he needs all the help he can get."
The topic of cultivation lit a spark in Old Boiled Crab's eye. He stroked his beard, hemming and hawing a bit before agreeing.
An hour later:
Senior Old Boiled crab had prepared bamboo stalks to be used as training dummies for one of the Golden Crab sects basic combat techniques, the crab pincer fist.
"You hold your hand like this," he held his thumb out and the other four fingers together, imitating a crab pincer, clacking his thumb against the other fingers. "Channel qi into your fingers, and pinch." The old man pinched a bamboo stalk between his fingers and it was sliced cleanly in half, as if it was nothing.
Holy shell, do I really want to learn that technique? What if I accidentally use it while cranking one out, speaking of which, I haven't done that in an unusually long time. Dave thought to himself.
"Go on then lad, give it a shot."
"... Do I have to?"
"Why wouldn't you want to learn the crab pincer fist? Didn't you see me pinch that bamboo in half? When was the last time you saw something as cool as that? Do you think we share this technique with just anyone?"
"I suppose it wasn't entirely uncool. Okay, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."
"Hehe, that's the sprite."
"Huh, sprite? Like the soda?"
"Spirit! That's the spirit! I merely misspoke. Hasn't anyone ever told you to never correct your seniors?"
"I'm a man of science, Old Boiled Crab, to me age is just a number– … that came out wrong."
"You came out wrong from your mother, and yet I'm graciously sharing this incredible technique with you. Go on!"
"I shouldn't be saying this as a man of science, but I came out exactly the way God intended me. I'll show you! Hya~" Dave formed a crab pincer with his fist, ignoring the fact that he didn't know what qi is, he put his mind to pinching the bamboo in half.
[Skill activation: petty theft]
The whole stalk of bamboo dematerialized in an instant as he pinched it, and Old Boiled Crab's eyes went wide in surprise. "What was that!?"
Shit, I tried doing that crab pincer thing but I ended up using my ghetto shaman arts by accident. I should probably deflect.
"Old man, do you know where I can find a futanari ghetto?"
"No I don't, why the hell would I know something like that? And never mind that, where did the bamboo go?"
Eh, I might as well be honest. How evil could this guy be?
"I accidentally used my ghetto shaman arts and stole it."
"Stole it? If you stole it you would have it, but it's not here at all."
"That's the ghetto shaman way. It's in my inventory now."
"... That's scary."
Three hours later Liu Yan and Fang Xiu Hua returned to find Dave shuffling around in the courtyard while Old Boiled Crab shouted at him. Dave was performing a crab shuffle in front of his temporary instructor who reprimanded him for his efforts: "Argh! That's just horrible! What are you doing, you moron, are you trying to imitate a sea cucumber?"
Dave, who shuffled his feet sideways and clasped his hands like pincers, shouted back: "A crab! I'm crabbing sideways you old turd! Isn't it obvious?"
"Dave! Are you trying to imitate a plankton now!? This is a disgrace…"
"You're the disgrace you old fart! How do you even know what a plankton is?"
"Dave! Stop antagonizing the old man, we're leaving now."
"Fine, I don't know why I thought I could learn anything from this decrepit old clown."
Liu Yan and Fang Xiu Hua said their polite goodbyes and took off with Dave who grumbled about crabs and plankton.
A tear rolled down Old Boiled Crab's cheek as he watched his short lived, former disciple fade into the distance.