接下来的日子里,林语晖有些低落,自己既不能像她的粉丝一样与她互动,又不能成功小额捐赠,只是点了捐赠按钮,自己的行为和账号过去了,跨境转账却被截断了,几次都这样,弄得自己好像免费买好感的骗子一样,也不好意思再频繁打扰莉安娜了.
What should he do with all this free time? He'd use writing to fill the void, his mood now as cold and lonely as standing in the night on snow-covered ground, gazing at the fading moon above the distant mountains. So Lin Yuhui wrote a nostalgic piece where Lily and Li Haojun meet at a secret base surrounded by snow-capped peaks, titling the chapter 'SEE YOU MORNING' 040 Snow Mountain Crescent Moon.
空下来的时间做什么呢?还用写小说填补自己的空虚吧,现在的心情简直清冷孤单,就如同在夜色中脚踏皑皑白雪,遥望远方天边雪山之上的残月.于是林语晖写了一个怀古的莉莉和李皓珺在雪山环绕的秘密基地相遇,章节名称就叫做"晓欣卿"040雪山弯月.
After days of silence, Liliana posted a video about the replicator, but Lin Yuhui stayed out of the conversation. When she discussed the details of replication flaws with her fans, he still didn't participate, feeling like an abandoned child.
就这样沉默了多天,莉安娜发布了复制机的视频,林语晖没有参与这个话题.然后莉安娜还跟粉丝们讨论了复制瑕疵的细节原因,林语晖依旧没有去参与,觉得自己好像被抛弃的孩子一样.
Yet in her video, Liliana asked her audience whether they preferred her talking more about alien politics or Earth politics.
但是莉安娜也在她的视频里询问了她的观众,到底是喜欢她更多的谈论外星政治,还是地球政治的内容.
Lin Yuhui was certainly her audience too, still engaging with Liliana on political strategy, hoping to be of some help. But his inability to donate made him feel like a second-class fan.
林语晖当然也是她的观众,虽然还一直在参与和莉安娜讨论政治策略,希望能对她有所帮助.只是无法捐款使他觉得自己好像是二等粉丝一样.
Since it was him who brought up Earth politics, Liliana probably didn't have fans like that—she'd never asked such a question before. Not answering would be rude, so on April 13, 2025, he sent another message:
因为是他在谈论地球政治问题,估计莉安娜没有这样的粉丝,因为以前她从没问过这样的问题.所以不回答的话显然是不礼貌的,于是2025年4月13日他又继续发送信息,
"Thank you, Liliana, for the clarification. I guessed it was her patron group, just wasn't sure. As for content, follow whatever she thinks—every one of her fans will love her no matter what she does. As for Earth politics, I think whether it's evil forces on Earth or in the universe, if they've done harm to your people, their operatives all come from Earth. Like the operation to kidnap your people. Earth might be giving those evil operatives something they can't get in the universe—like the feeling of power or something else. So would cutting off their hands on Earth be effective? I don't know if this could work, just an idea. So are you willing to play this game? The dark consortium is already doing this. And work with your allies to protect your interests—if you don't enter this arena, your opponents will. China is trying to expand her influence right now. She has a different social governance structure with extremely strict constraints on members. You never hear about PLA pilots drinking and flying. Let alone flying black missions without orders from above. So if your agenda here is decades or centuries, using a controllable force, or at least as your ally, to replace the current Anrifuleitan position, you'd have far fewer troubles. But this seems to require an ambitious queen to carry out—like Catherine the Great, pure speculation, I know you're not a dictatorship. Actually I want to reduce her being targeted, randomly adding information warfare content or bait in her channel—would you do that? I truly hope kind people dominate this world, that people suffer less, but would we be spoiled?..."
"谢谢莉安娜的澄清,我猜到了是她的赞助人小组,只是不确定.至于内容,请随意她的想法,每一个她的粉丝都会喜欢她无论她做什么.至于说地球政治,我觉得不管是地球上的还是宇宙中的邪恶势力,如果他们对你的族人做了什么伤害,他们的行动成员都是来自于地球上的行动成员,比如说绑架你的族人的行动.地球上可能给了那些邪恶势力行动成员在宇宙中所得不到的东西,比如说权力的感觉或者其它的什么.所以,如果你斩断他们在地球上的手是否有效?我不知道这能否做成,只是一个主意.所以你愿意玩这个游戏吗?黑暗集团已经这么做了.也和你的同盟保护你的利益吧,如果你不进入这个领域,你的对手就会.现在中国正在试图扩展她的影响力.她是一个不同的社会治理结构,对于成员约束极其严格.你从来不会听说中国人民解放军的飞行员会喝酒开飞机.更别说在没有上级命令的情况下飞黑任务了.所以如果你的议程在这里是几十年或者以世纪为计量的,用一个可控的力量,或者至少作为你的同盟,取代当前安瑞弗雷坦人的位置,你的麻烦会少很多.但这似乎需要一位有野心的女王来实施,比如说叶卡捷琳娜二世,纯脑洞,我知道你们不是独裁社会.实际上我想要减少她被针对成为目标,在她的频道里随机加入信息战内容或者鱼饵,你们会这样做吗?我确实希望善良的人主导这个世界,人民会有更少的苦难,但是我们是否会被惯坏了呢?..."
Then Liliana posted her video about ascension on Twitter, saying a lot, heartfelt, roughly twice the length of her usual videos.
然后莉安娜在推特发布了她的关于扬升的视频,说了很多,情真意切,差不多是她平时视频的二倍长度.
Lin Yuhui felt he couldn't not respond to such deep affection, especially since he vaguely sensed that Liliana knew he felt neglected for not being able to donate successfully, so he had to respond.
林语晖觉得他不能不回应这样的深情,特别是他隐约觉得是莉安娜知道他因为没能成功捐款而觉得被冷落了,所以必须得回应一下.
On April 15, 2025, starting at 17:11, he sent:
2025年4月15日 , 17:11开始发送,
"Thank you, Liliana, for those loving words. She wrote so much, almost twice the length of her usual show. Some of it relates to me—I can feel her. Or I feel I should respond to her today. Thank you very much, wish you a happy day."
"谢谢莉安娜那些充满爱心的言语,她写了那么多,差不多是平时节目的两倍长度.多少与我有关,我能感觉到她,或者我觉得我今天应该回应她,非常感谢,祝度过快乐的一天."
That was it, just that much. Though it expressed gratitude, it read more like polite formality. Lin Yuhui's heart seemed ready to leave—why did he have to suffer over this girl?
没了,只有这么点,虽然是表示了感谢,但更像是客套的话语,林语晖的心似乎想要离开了,为什么非得在这个小姑娘这里受罪呢?
He deleted the account on Douyin that reposted Liliana's content, wanting to stop seeing her posts. But after just two days, he quietly followed again.
他删除了抖音平台上转发莉安娜信息的帐号,想不再看她的信息了,可是仅仅过了两天,他又默默地关注了回来.
Then Liliana introduced the Atarians that Lin Yuhui had always been curious about—reportedly an alien race closer to humans, and the beautiful kind. Liliana had once mentioned their skin was like Chinese porcelain. Lin Yuhui even detected in her words a kind of envy from a woman's heart, with a hint of jealousy.
然后莉安娜介绍了林语晖之前一直好奇的阿塔瑞安人,据说与地球人更接近的外星人种,并且是外貌美丽的那种.莉安娜曾经提到过她们的皮肤就像中国瓷器一样,林语晖甚至在她的话语里听出女性发自内心的那种羡慕还有一点点嫉妒的感觉.
But clearly his current mood was conflicted. He wanted to get close to Liliana but could only stand on the outside of her fan circle, craning to look. Chasing a celebrity wasn't a good idea—he knew that clearly. He could only be one of her many fans, yet Lin Yuhui was the one who just had to be the only one, let alone switching his affections to pursue the Atarians after giving up on her.
但是显然他当前的心情是矛盾的,他想要接近莉安娜却只能围在她的粉丝外围翘脚观看.追求一个明星不是什么好主意,他心里很清楚,自己只能是她众多粉丝之一,而林语晖却是那个偏偏想要唯一的人,更别说见异思迁,放下她再去追求阿塔瑞安人了.
Was Liliana really trying to introduce someone else to replace her? Or was she testing him? Or just satisfying her own curiosity? Either way, he should respond to someone's kindness. And Lin Yuhui noticed that Liliana had initially used a cover resembling a couple's stance, then changed it to two people standing awkwardly upright. Was it for him? For the only person she cared about? Or at least someone she truly cared about?
是莉安娜真的要给自己介绍别人替代她吗?还是在考验自己?或仅仅是满足自己的好奇心,不管怎样,别人的好意还是要回应的.并且林语晖注意到了莉安娜最开始用了一个类似男女情侣站姿的封面,然后又改成傻傻地两人直立了.是给自己的吗?给唯一她在意的人?或者至少是她真的在乎的人?
He'd been silent for days—so enthusiastic before, now so cold. He felt he owed her an apology. Why did it seem like he was throwing a tantrum?
自己沉寂了多天,之前那么热情,现在这么冷漠,心里觉得对不住人家.怎么好像自己在耍小性子呢?
On April 21, 2025:
2025年4月21日,
"...When I mentioned beauty or ugliness before, I was just trying to find more topics with you. It doesn't mean that just because you introduced the Atarians, I'd go after them. I'm not that kind of person. The reason I've written less to you recently is because I can't help you financially, and I feel I shouldn't bother you more. Even though I know you're not like that, I forced myself to stop writing to you. But I can't treat you that way, so here I am again. Another small reason is that I'm jealous of your sponsors, even though I hope you're happy with them. That's my weakness. The good news is you're far enough away from me that I won't get too jealous. I think you might be like young girls on Earth—you need attention too, just more sensitive and kind-hearted. I'm just not sure if you're the type who turns away if the other person doesn't respond clearly. Awkwardness is minor, but too many rejections, or when someone tries to seduce everyone, the emotional damage is too great. More than once, I've wondered if there's a girl living inside me, even though I'm not gay and have no such inclination. My daughter hasn't lived with me for many years. Last winter I stopped visiting her—I can't bear opening the door and finding she's not home. My heart aches, every single time. Maybe someday she'll need my help, but as time passes, there's less and less I can do. My parents and ex-wife are the typical devil's entrance you described in your videos. I've noticed they're very easily influenced by outside forces, never able to enjoy or cherish what they have, and completely without compassion. I don't know if my daughter lived with them too long and was affected at the soul level—I feel she's not as spiritual as she used to be. I once wanted to take her out of that environment, but I respect her personal choice. Maybe one day she'll realize the reasons for her situation—that's her life lesson. I've been isolated from society for years, but my heart still beats and burns, with nowhere to put it. So, lovely you, please treat me like a glimpse of scenery you see from your car window on life's journey. If you like it, stay for a moment. If not, glance past me and continue on your journey. Love you."
"...我之前提到美或者丑,只是想找更多的与你的话题,并不是说你介绍过了阿塔瑞安人,我就会去追求她们.我不是那种人,我最近给你写得少了是因为我无法在财务上忙你的忙,觉得不应该打扰你更多.尽管我知道你不是那样的人,我强迫自己不给你写了.可是我不能那样对待你,所以我又来了.还有一个小原因是我嫉妒你的赞助者们,虽然我也希望你和他们一起会开心.那是我的弱点,好消息是你离我足够远,我不会吃你的太多醋.我觉得你可能也像地球上的年轻女孩一样,也需要关注,只是更加敏感和心地善良.我只是不太确定你是不是那种人,如果对方没有明确回应,自己就会转身离开.尴尬是小事,但太多次的被拒,或者他或者她总是试图引诱每个人,那样感情的伤害太大了.不止一次,我曾怀疑我的内在是不是住着一个女孩儿,尽管我不是男同也没有任何那种倾向.我的女儿已经不与我同住很多年了,去年冬天我不再去看望她了,我承受不了打开门她却不在家,我的心在痛,每一次都在痛.也许将来她会需要我的帮助,但是随着时间的流逝,我能帮上的忙越来越少了.我的父母和前妻是典型的你的视频中所述的恶魔入口.我注意到了他们非常容易被外界影响,从来没有能力享受和珍惜他们所拥有的,也毫无同情心.我不知道是不是我的女儿和他们生活得太久了,已经被影响到了灵魂层面,我觉得她不像以前那么有灵性了.我曾经想把她带出那样的环境,但是我尊重她的个人选择,或许有一天她会意识到她所处的处境的原因,那是她的人生课程.我已经隔离社交多年,但是我的心依然在跳动并且火热,它无处可放.所以,可爱的你,请把我当作你人生旅程上,望向车窗外的一抹风景.如果你喜欢,就为我停留片刻,如果不,就扫过我一眼然后继续你的旅程.爱你."