"Because I was scared."
Sebastian's voice cracked, raw and desperate.
"I was so terrified, Lucas. I'm a vampire. And you're..." He stopped, his throat tight.
"If the Accord found out about us, about how strong the bond was, they would have killed you. They would have hunted you down and destroyed you just to keep me in line. They've done it before. I've seen it happen. And I don't want for you to experience that. Not in this lifetime."
Lucas stared at him, his expression shifting from anger to confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I used Beatrice as a shield."
The words came out in a rush, tumbling over each other.
"I thought if I married her, if I pretended to be what they expected, they wouldn't look too closely. They wouldn't see you. They wouldn't come for you."
He stepped closer, his hands reaching out, trembling. "Every time I met you at that motel, every time I told you it was okay, I was lying. To you. To myself. To everyone. Because I was trying to keep you safe. But I didn't realize..."
His voice broke. "I didn't realize I was destroying you in the process."
Lucas's face crumpled. "You used her to protect me?"
"I thought I was doing the right thing."
Sebastian's voice was barely a whisper.
"I thought if I could keep you hidden, keep you separate, you would be safe. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I hurt you more than the Accord ever could have.
Lucas shook his head slowly, tears streaming down his face.
"Do you know what I thought? I thought I wasn't enough. I thought I was pathetic and desperate and that you were ashamed of me. I thought you chose her because she was better, because she was what you really wanted."
"No." Sebastian's voice was fierce.
"No, Lucas. I never wanted her. I wanted you. I always wanted you. But I was too much of a coward to fight for you. Too scared to risk your life. And instead of telling you the truth, I let you believe you were worthless."
Lucas's hands were shaking. "You should have told me. You should have trusted me."
"I know." Sebastian's voice cracked.
"I know, and I will never forgive myself for it. I let you walk away thinking you meant nothing to me when you meant everything. You were everything, Lucas. You still are."
Lucas stared at him, his eyes red and swollen. The silence stretched between them, heavy with years of pain and misunderstanding.
"You should have trusted me," Lucas repeated, his voice softer now. "I would have understood. I would have..." He stopped, shaking his head.
"I would have stayed. I would have fought with you. But you didn't give me the chance."
Sebastian's throat tightened. "I know. And I've regretted it every single day. I've spent five years wishing I could go back and do it differently. Wishing I had just told you the truth."
He took a shaky step forward.
"I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't expect you to come back. I just needed you to know. I didn't reject you because I didn't love you. I rejected you because I loved you too much to let them take you away from me."
Lucas closed his eyes, a single tear slipping down his cheek. When he opened them again, there was something raw and vulnerable in his gaze.
"Beatrice?" he asked.
"Where is she now?"
Sebastian's jaw tightened.
"Gone. It was never going to work. I was lying to myself, lying to her, lying to everyone. Because I was in love with you. I was always in love with you."
Lucas let out a shaky breath.
"You told me I was pathetic. That I was desperate. That I had trapped you with some kind of magic."
"I was wrong." Sebastian's voice was thick with emotion.
"I was so wrong. I said those things because I was scared. Because I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. Because I was a coward. But I swear to you, Lucas—I never meant them. Not a single word."
Lucas stared at him for a long moment. Then he did something Sebastian hadn't expected.
He laughed.
It was a broken, watery sound, but it was a laugh.
"You're a mess, Sebastian Reed."
Sebastian blinked. "I'm…what?"
"A mess." Lucas shook his head, a tearful smile crossing his face. "You're a complete and utter mess. And I'm an idiot for even considering this."
Sebastian's heart, dead and still, seemed to stutter. "Considering what?"
Lucas met his eyes, and for the first time, there was something soft in them. Something hopeful.
"Considering coming back with you."
Sebastian's breath caught. He tried to speak, but no words were coming out of his mouth. Lucas could see his mind churning in his head, trying to find the right words to say.
But Lucas held up a hand.
"I'm not saying yes. I'm not saying anything yet. I need time. I need to think. I need to figure out if I can trust you again."
Sebastian nodded, his throat too tight for words.
Lucas stepped back toward the door, pausing with his hand on the handle.
"Stay in the village for a while. Let me think. Let me feel. And if I decide," he stopped, his voice catching, "if I decide, I'll let you know."
Sebastian nodded again, a single tear slipping down his cheek.
"I'll wait. I'll wait as long as it takes."
Lucas held his gaze for a long moment. Then he stepped inside and closed the door softly behind him.
Sebastian stood on the porch, staring at the weathered wood. His hands were still shaking. His heart, still dead and still silent, felt like it was about to burst.
He'd done it. He'd told the truth. He'd laid himself bare.
Now all he could do was wait.
And hope that Lucas would find it in his heart to give him one more chance.