I watched as he sighed, and the beeping continued to get louder and louder as I watched Ryder's mind start to race.
I want him to say yes, but I don't want him to lie.
If he wants to say no, I will respect that. I will.
It will hurt, but I will lose it all for him.
"I know after everything, you have every right to say no. And if you do choose that, I will still support you and your family financially and pay for anything you need, but I will be out of your life physically. All you have to do is say the words," I said.
My throat felt raw, and it hurt like hell. God, and I can only imagine how Ryder feels right now.
All of the pain he has gone through. All of the stuff that was my fault. I'm sorry.
He closed his eyes. "If I say yes, that takes away the weight of all of the things I have been saying and thinking. But if I say no, that makes me an asshole." His voice was hoarse.
"If you say yes, it does not take away from the weight of what you have been saying at all. And if you say no, you are not the asshole. Either way, I will be okay; I just want you to tell the truth and not lie," I said. "I want whatever you want." A soft smile appeared on my face as I continued to rub his leg slowly while looking at his face.
He shook his head and let out a long sigh. "This is your last fucking chance, old man. If you fuck up again, I don't ever want to see you again, do you hear me?" he asked, and I felt a smile grow on my face.
"I…"
He cut me off. "We are going to take things slowly from the start. And I don't want you to ever lie to me again, and I won't ever lie to you again."
I nodded. "I agree, and whatever terms you want, I agree too."
"No, you also have to come up with your own things. Our love is not just one-sided; it's two-sided, so we both need to consider our feelings," he said.
Two-sided.
My smile grew wider and wider. "Of course," I said.
I quickly stood up and went over to my phone.
"What are you doing?" Ryder asked, and I turned back over to him.
"Texting Leo."
"About what?"
No more lies.
Not now, not ever.
"To get you a better room and to bring you some flowers," I said with a smile as I typed.
Then I sent the message, and Ryder nodded.
"I think the flowers are overkill; I literally just gave you a second chance, it's not that deep."
"But you also woke up from your coma, so I think this is one hundred percent not overkill," I said, and he nodded.
"Whatever you say."
I pulled a chair over and sat right next to him.
I grabbed the physical therapy pamphlet from him. "I didn't read this one or the mourning one," I said.
"Why? I think there are some important things in there," he said, his voice still hoarse, but it was getting better.
"I was in denial."
"Denial?"
"Yeah. I was worried you weren't going to wake up, so I just didn't read it," I said, and he nodded.
Ryder pulled the pamphlet slightly out of my hand so we could both see it at the same time.
"Start with baby steps, like either using a nurse or significant other to help you walk to the bathroom and back, stuff like that," I said, reading it out.
"Thank god I have my fiancé, so I don't have to ask the nurse," he said, flipping the page.
Fiancé.
"Of course, of course."
We continued reading through it, looking at all the physical therapy he had to do.
"Swimming physical therapy or water physical therapy, that sounds fun," he said, pointing at the picture on the pamphlet.
My face dropped, and he started to laugh. "I can teach you how to swim and do my physical therapy at the same time. Or you can stand in the shallow end and help me," he said, and I just shook my head laughing.
"Whatever you want to do. Maybe I should learn to swim," I said, and he nodded.
I watched as the door opened and two nurses came in, along with Leo and Matteo.
I moved my chair back to where it was and stood up.
"Dominic, would you like to come with me while we get Ryder in his new room?" She asked, and I nodded slowly.
I followed her, and she started talking.
I don't want to leave Ryder.
I don't.
But he is in good hands.
I know that.
I know. "Sir?"
"Huh?"
"I asked how you were feeling," she said.
Holy fuck, she was walking really fast.
"I am fine," I said.
She wasn't the regular nurse who had been helping us, so this was a little bit awkward.
"Are you? I was told you weren't keeping food down and also not sleeping," she said.
"I mean, yeah."
"So you aren't fine?"
"I am, just not really," I said, and she laughed.
It wasn't a joke, but okay.
"Okay, well, I have some medicine for you to take, and make sure you take it every day, okay?" She was talking to me like I was a child, but I still nodded.
She laughed again.
I feel very awkward.
She then brought me into this room as she went through the various medicine cabinets.
"So is that your nephew?"
I felt myself cringe.
"Uh, no," I said, as I tried not to laugh due to the embarrassment I was feeling.
"Your son then?" She asked, turning around. "I didn't know you," she stopped herself.
"I just haven't seen her. I mean, typical." She snarled. "But I was just wondering."
Typical?
I raised my eyebrows at her as she laughed.
"What is typical supposed to mean?" I asked with more hostility than I had planned.
"Well, you know."
"No, I don't know," I said, and she started laughing and shrugging.
"They don't typically…" They.
Her voice went silent in my ears as I started to feel uncomfortable.
She continued to talk, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to her.
I blinked slowly at her, just slowly shaking my head.
It hurts, and it wasn't even directed at me. It hurts like hell.
They?
Typical?
"Can I have my medication?" I asked, cutting her off, and she nodded.
They.
That pissed me off.
Assumptions people make about certain groups of people piss me off so fucking much.
I sighed.
That's how people judged my mom.
They would label her with "they."
Saying stuff like that's their culture, or they do not typically speak English.
And they.
They.
They.
They said so many things about her.
So many nasty things to my mom.
My poor mom.
The nurse handed it to me, and I took it quickly. "Please take me to his new room," I said, and she nodded.
"Of course.."
"Silently," I said, cutting her off. She gave me a disgusted look and started walking.
Fucking bitch.
We finally made it to the room, and she gestured towards the door. "Here you are. And for the record, I don't appreciate you speaking to me like that."
I blinked. For the record, I SHOULD PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE!
"Oh, for the record, Ryder is my fiancé, and for the record, I don't appreciate you talking about him like that, saying things like typical, or they don't typically. Shame on you, really." I said, shaking my head at her. "I plan to report you to your manager for racism."
Her face paled. She had nothing to say after that, and that made me angry; a sorry would have done just fine.
"Thank you," I said, opened the door, and shut it without her.
Happy face.
I am happy.
Happy face.
"What took you so long?" Ryder asked, and I smiled at him.
"The…" I stopped myself.
I didn't want to lie to him.
"The nurse said some bigoted shit, is all." Ryder's face dropped, and I sat down in the hospital bed with him.
I can't lie, I had him move rooms for two reasons: one, so he could have a bigger room and it could feel like home, and two, so I could sit and sleep with him.
"Towards you?" he asked worriedly.
I shook my head, looking at Matteo, who was on his phone.
"No, towards you, and it just pissed me off and reminded me of my mom, so I just threatened her," I said.
He laughed. "Don't say that like it's nothing; what did she say?"
"First, she asked me if you were my nephew, and then asked if you were my son, and asked where my wife was. And because you're."
"Blexcian?"
"Excuse me?" I asked, laughing.
"Black and Mexican."
I nodded. "She assumed my wife didn't show up to visit you because it's 'typical' for them or some shit, and that pissed me off."
Ryder laughed. "It's over now, stupid. You can stop furrowing your eyebrows," he said, reaching up to rub the middle of my forehead.
I relaxed my facial muscles and nodded.
"Good, it makes you look younger," he said, and I smiled.
"Leo is in the bathroom, and he gave me the flowers you had ordered for me," he said, pointing at the flowers on the table. "They are pretty."
"Like you," I said, winking, and he rolled his eyes.
"The nurse also talked about that because I am up, I should start my physical therapy right away, and because I don't trust Matteo and Leo is shitting, I was waiting for you to come back," he said, and I felt myself smile and my heart started to beat faster.
I rubbed my nose.
"Okay, what did she tell you you needed to do?"
"Just some walking around the room and things like that, but nothing more. She also said I couldn't knit, which I was very devastated about," he said with a sad look on his face.
"Well, you can get back to knitting once we do more physical therapy," I said, and his face lit back up.
"Yes, that's why we should get on to it now."
I nodded, standing up out of bed and taking the blankets off of him.
I put both of my arms out for him, and he took them. "Go slowly; I don't want you to hurt yourself," I said.
He nodded, slowly moved his legs, and set them on the ground.
"I am still a little numb, so you are actually going to have to help me," he said.
"I am right here; I will not let go until we get back into bed," I said, and slowly stood up as I held him.
Then he started rocking back and forth, but he was still standing.
"Baby steps, just tell me when," I said, and he nodded.
We slowly walked as he put one leg in front of the other.
"I don't know if they moved us or you did, but I like the feel of the new room; it feels actually nice and less hospital-like."
I smiled. "I am glad you like it."
We continued to walk around, and I was lost in thought.
There are so many things I should have said. So many things I should have told Ryder. And there are things I shouldn't have said, but I also. I also have no regrets, and I will do it over and over again in a heartbeat.
I want you to know…"No more lies, okay?" Ryder asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Of course."
"Even if it is small, don't lie to me. The mafia shit was enough lying for one generation," he said, slightly laughing.
"I understand that, and I am sorry for lying to you. We can take this slow; take everything slow," I said, repeating what he said earlier, and he nodded.
"I would be okay with that," he said, and I nodded. Everything you are okay with, I am as well.
We then slowly made our way back to Ryder's bed, and he sat down slowly.
He looked very tired. "You should rest; you look tired," I said.
"Walking is a lot of work," he said, and both of us started to laugh.
"With more practice, it will get easier," I said, and he nodded.
I helped him swing his legs around and get under the covers.
Then I walked to the other side, sat down next to him in bed, and watched as Leo came out of the bathroom.
"You look comfy," he said, laughing, and I nodded.
"Extremely," I said, getting under the covers with him.
"Are you sleeping here tonight?" Leo asked, and I nodded.
"Okay, boss, we will leave you to it. I will get Isabella to come visit tomorrow," Leo said. I nodded, and just like that, they were gone.
I leaned back as Ryder snuggled up next to me. "Are you going to sleep?"
He nodded sheepishly as his eyes shut.
I rubbed his back slowly.
Thank you.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for the past couple of weeks.
Thank you for gracing me with your presence.
Thank you for making me a better person.
Thank you for giving me a second chance.