Having devoted my life to trying to reunite with my best friend, I went through hell and back with the yearning for relief, for it to be over and to be free, motivating me nonstop to persevere through all the obstacles that sought to crush my spirit and admit it to be impossible.
Overcoming one impossibility after another, my anticipation for that freedom, a satisfaction of my dreams becoming a reality, never felt so close.
Finally, I was there face to face with that best friend, and although I didn't understand why we had to suffer the hell of separation, I thought I could convince them that whatever it is that was troubling them would not have to keep us apart anymore, we could go back to our adventures like the old days, and even if there is still more to do, at least we could do it together.
"That isn't something in your control."
"I'll show you that it is, just trust me."
"Then let's see you succeed. Goodbye."
"Wait!"
They walk away, disappearing at the blink of an eye. Suddenly a lifetime of sacrifice amounted to being at square one again. I traveled the world in search for them, conquered every sphere, and still, I am out of arms reach.
I was so close to satisfaction, but now I can only be disappointed.
So disappointed that my sigh becomes tears.
I hadn't felt this way in a long time, but I really feel like nothing has changed.
I'm still too weak, I'm still just a dreamer, I'm still without the thing I want most.
Why… why me? I'm the only one ever to suffer like this, this is my suffering alone, and now I am tested again to face the hopeless reality.
I might not even get to get what I want, ever, whether this life or the next, because at this rate I'll just be wanting and wanting but never getting…
I… I'm going home.
What I want isn't to keep moving forward right now, I just want to cry.
…
(One week later)
Located in a different region, I wonder around having my solemn phase by checking the places I reminisced over my journey. I made many other friends along the way, and seeing them still the same makes me miss being with them, and even more so in my current state.
Caught off guard, I am noticed by one of these friends during one of their excursions, changing their flow over to their own missing of me. With a special type of feeling, as if suddenly a holiday event had begun where they are alone with me, their focus and immersion for the day is completely absorbed into their attention towards my presence.
"Hey, what's wrong?", they say, having noticed that I'm in a slouched posture, which is never the case.
"Sigh, I lost. It's my loss and mine alone. I would usually feel anxious of the idea of dragging others into my mess, so I would just hide any such problems to prevent more problems. I have no problems, because that would assume that I still have a chance. It's over, I lost. I couldn't even care less about how I look to others, I'm just, sad."
"What happened?", they ask more worried.
"…"
Remaining silent, unable to talk, they suddenly embrace me caringly.
"You haven't lost me. I promise, you'll always have the strength to make your dreams into a reality, because this dream is already here."
I grab their arm and tuck my head in, returning the embrace in this way.
My other friends in this region who were on the same excursion also have their attention grabbed by the situation, and their work day becomes an emergency day for the me who they care for.