Chapter 30
Vance Holdings. 8:12 a.m.
I saw her first.
Katrina. At her desk. Hair pulled back. No makeup. Dark circles under her eyes like she hadn't slept. Again.
Elias was there. Leaning against her cubicle wall. Coffee in his hand. Hers. Black. He always brought hers black now.
She looked up at him. Tired. But she smiled. Small. Real. The kind of smile she never gave me.
"Rough night?" I didn't hear him say it. I just saw his mouth move. Saw her flinch. Then nod.
He said something else. She laughed. One sound. Quiet. Then it was gone.
My chest did something stupid. Tight. Then hot.
I kept walking. Past her desk. Past both of them. Didn't stop. Didn't look. My office door shut behind me with a click that sounded too loud.
I sat down. Didn't take my jacket off. Stared at my computer. Screen black.
You stand next to me.
She didn't believe me. Last night, after Legal called, after I left, I'd texted Maria. Is she still awake? Maria said the kitchen light was on at 1:14 a.m.
She hadn't eaten. She hadn't slept.
Because of me. Because of Laura. Because I didn't say it right. Because I don't know how to say it right.
I picked up my phone. Put it down. Picked it up again.
There was a knock.
"Come in," I said. Didn't look up.
"Alex."
Only one person called me that.
Dominic Kane pushed my door open with his shoulder. Coffee in one hand, files in the other. Harvard Law, General Counsel, my roommate since we were nineteen and stupid. The only person in this building who wasn't scared of me.
"You look like hell," he said, dropping into the chair across from me. He set one coffee on my desk. "Laura?"
"Dealt with," I said. My voice was flat. "Legal has the trace. She's done."
Dominic raised an eyebrow. "That was fast. Usually you drag these things out. Make them suffer."
I didn't answer. Just stared at the coffee. Hadn't touched it.
Dominic waited. He was good at that. Waiting people out. Judges, boards, me.
"It's not Laura," I said finally.
"No?" He took a sip of his coffee. "Then what has you in my office at 8:12 a.m. looking like you lost a merger?"
I ran a hand through my hair. "Katrina."
He didn't smile. Didn't say I told you so. He just nodded. Like he'd been expecting it. "The contract wife?"
"Don't call her that."
The words came out sharper than I meant. Dominic's eyebrows went up. Just a fraction.
"Alright," he said slowly. "Katrina. What about her?"
I didn't know how to explain it. How do you explain a feeling you don't have words for? How do you explain that your chest gets tight when she won't meet your eyes? That you flew home early from London because some unknown number made her cry? That you told Legal my wife and it felt… right?
"I saw her talking to Elias," I said instead. My voice was even. Too even. "This morning. At her desk."
"Rowe," Dominic said. "From Cambridge. The Q3 guy."
"Yes."
"And?"
"She smiled at him."
Dominic set his coffee down. Stared at me. For three full seconds. Then he leaned back in his chair.
"You're jealous."
"I'm not—"
"You're jealous," he repeated. Not asking. Stating. Like it was a fact on a balance sheet. "You flew home early from London because Legal traced a number harassing your wife. You told Legal 'my wife.' You're sitting in my office at 8:12 a.m. because she smiled at another man. Alex. You're in love with her."
The room went quiet. The AC hummed. Outside, the city was starting to wake up.
I didn't deny it. Couldn't. Because he was right. And because denying it out loud would make me a liar. And I don't lie to Dominic.
I exhaled. Long. Slow. "Shit."
"Yeah," Dominic said. He didn't look smug. He just looked… tired for me. "Shit."
I looked out my office window. To the floor. To her desk. I could see the top of her head. Bent over something. Not looking up. Not looking at me.
"I told her she stands next to me," I said. My voice was low. "Last night. After Legal called. She didn't believe me."
"Of course she didn't," Dominic said.
I looked at him. Sharp. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you've spent two months telling her this isn't real," he said. He ticked points off on his fingers. "Contract. Arrangement. 'It wasn't you, it was business.' You don't touch her. You don't explain yourself. You leave for three weeks and don't call. And then you expect her to believe 'you stand next to me' because you said it once?"
Each word landed. Because each word was true.
I'd built the wall. Brick by brick. It's not my place. That's what she said last night. That's what I taught her to think.
"I don't know how to do this," I said. Before I could stop it. Before I could cage it back up. "I don't… I've never—"
"I know," Dominic said. Softer now. "You've never done anything that wasn't a transaction, Alex. Mergers. Acquisitions. Even friendships. You make them contracts. Terms. Clauses. But this isn't that."
I looked down at my hands. At the scar on my knuckle she'd noticed in the parlor. The one I'd never told her about.
"She thinks she's too small," I said. "She said it last night. Not in words. But I saw it. In her face. In the way she wouldn't look at me. She thinks she doesn't have the right to ask me anything."
"Then make her see she does," Dominic said. He stood. Grabbed his coffee. "But not with money. Not with orders. Not with Legal."
He stopped at my door. Looked back at me.
"You're Vance Holdings, Alex. You win. That's what you do. But this time, if you want her, you're going to have to lose first."
He left. Didn't shut the door. Just walked out.
I sat there. For a long time. Staring at the door. At the empty chair. At the coffee I hadn't touched.
Lose first.
I didn't know what that meant. Not yet.
I picked up my phone. Opened my messages. Katrina – Mobile. Last text from her: Are you in 2401? My reply: No.
Two letters. That's all I'd given her. After everything.
I set the phone down. Looked through my glass walls. To her desk.
She was still there. Head down. Shoulders hunched. Like she was trying to make herself smaller.
You stand next to me.
She didn't believe it.
And sitting here, watching her disappear into herself… I didn't know how to make her.
Not yet.
But Dominic was right about one thing.
I was in love with her.
God help me.