I've never been good with alcohol.
I mean, a lot of people drink because they say it helps them deal with their problems. Well, that has never worked for me. So, I just sat there, staring down at the bubbling mug of beer that I hadn't even touched yet.
"Kaizer! Nice job completing that high-level quest!" an adventurer said as he walked past. I didn't bother looking up, but I recognized the voice — I think we had gone on an adventure together once.
"Yeah, yeah… thanks. Quite the achievement, huh?" I replied with a heavy dose of sarcasm. I let out a deep sigh. "Stupid parallel world."
We had defeated Demian, and Aqua had purified him when we discovered what a degenerate he really was. But I never imagined completing the mission would bring us so many problems.
First, the noble who hired us turned out to be a tax evader involved in all kinds of shady business. He fled the city right before we returned, so I could say goodbye to a big chunk of the reward.
And that was just the beginning.
When Aqua obliterated Demian with her God Blow, Tia Lyamnsen went into shock. She refused to come with us, spouting insane arguments like how she'd rather stay in that castle and die, than live without the person she loved.
So, I had no choice but to knock her out and drag her back by force.
With my usual luck, the hit I gave her ended up causing a minor skull fracture. Now the girl is suing me for who knows how many millions of Eris.
After that, I had a meeting with the people apparently in charge of the guild administration. At first, I didn't understand why they called me (it seemed so serious they even took me to some kind of office), but they told me that, according to the "Adventurer Terms and Regulations," the board had determined my conduct during the battle against Demian was "inappropriate." Especially since there were young girls present.
Something about exposing them to extremely high levels of violence that could traumatize them for life. So now the girls would need psychological treatment — and guess who's footing the bill?
I slumped even further over the table.
Legal troubles? Inappropriate conduct? Fines? This had nothing to do with the adventurer life the video games had shown me.
In those games, you finished a quest, got your reward, and that was it. Then you moved on to the next one. And the next. And the next. Until you had enough EXP and money to keep progressing.
But this? This was just stupid!
"How did it come to this?" I muttered to myself. "It feels like my luck went from bad to absolutely disastrous overnight."
It was as if someone had infected me with terrible misfortune.
But who?
Just as that thought crossed my mind, I felt something soft and warm press against my back, followed by arms wrapping around my neck from behind.
"Hey! Mind telling me why you're sitting here all alone feeling sorry for yourself?" asked a familiar, irritating voice. "It's pretty pathetic. Even for a hikikomori."
"What are you doing? And I already told you I'm not a— Bah, forget it."
Aqua started poking my cheek repeatedly with her index finger.
"Why the long face? That's not how the hero of the city should look."
"The indebted hero, you mean…" I replied, eyes still fixed on my untouched beer.
"Oh?" Aqua let go and sat down in the chair across from me. "So that's what's bothering you, huh? I see. If you ask me, you shouldn't let it affect you so much."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean being in debt. It's not that big a deal!" the goddess assured me. "You get used to it after a while, trust me."
"Anymore of your wise advices, Goddess of Debt?"
"Hehe, looks like you can't stop relying on me after all, huh, Kaizer? Fine, I can give you another piece of advice if you want… but you'll have to buy me a beer."
"You can have mine if you want."
"Really?" Aqua's face lit up. "Don't regret it later, okay? If you do, divine punishment will fall upon you."
Before I could even answer, her hand shot forward and grabbed the mug.
She took a long swig and wiped her mouth with her wrist.
"BWAH! This is really good!" she said with satisfaction. "There's nothing better than a cold beer after finishing a quest, right?"
"If you say so."
"Speaking of quests, where's Dikon? I thought he'd be with you."
"He went back home," I answered dryly. "He wanted to give his father the good news."
Aqua made a thoughtful face before speaking again.
"I see," she said. "So, he probably won't be coming back today, right?"
"I doubt it."
Why is she asking that?
Aqua's lips curved into a mischievous little smile.
"Well, in that case, we can move on to what really matters."
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her, not understanding what the hell she was talking about.
"What really matters?" I repeated. "What do you—?"
The words got stuck in my throat as Aqua lifted the mug of beer and poured it all over her large breasts.
The liquid quickly soaked through the fabric of her blue vest, drenching it almost completely.
"What are you doing?!"
"Kaizer!" Aqua exclaimed with fake surprise. "Look what you made me do! I got distracted trying to cheer you up and spilled beer all over my beautiful goddess outfit!"
"Huh?!"
"What do you mean 'huh'? Don't just sit there staring like an idiot. Come on. Let's find somewhere I can dry off."