The cold water eased his not appropriate thoughts. He calmed himself down.
What's wrong with me today?
The Doctor must've messed with my head. Yeah, that's it.
Lloyd was never the type to show his vulnerability. He was always like a rock with his cold and guarded attitude.
Not only did he act so pathetically soft, but the annoying length between his legs also kept acting up.
Hopefully she didn't notice.
I-It was a normal biological reaction. I had no control over that.
He repeated a few Buddha mantras, ignoring the images popping up in his mind.
Her toned waist, ample cleavage.
AHHHHH
He banged his head on the wall, finally clearing his thoughts. After half an hour, he stepped out of the shower. He used the towel to wipe his body dry and looked for his clothes…the clothes he had forgotten to bring.
Ah, fuck.
No problem. It's just a mistake. Mistakes can happen.
He opened the door slightly.
"Silvia! Can you turn around? I forgot my clothes." He shouted.
"You can just come out! I won't judge!" She shouted back.
"...Why in the world would I let you look at me naked?"
"...tch, you're so boring." She pulled the cover over her head.
Lloyd waited a few seconds before coming out. He quickly ran over to his wardrobe, picked out his clothes, and got dressed. Fortunately, the woman listened to him and obediently hid beneath the comforter.
Crisis averted.
"You can lift your head now."
Silvia's vision finally saw the light.
"Looking good" She complimented him.
"Yeah yeah, I know." Lloyd got into bed with her.
"We need to get you clothes too." He muttered.
…
After making and eating dinner, Lloyd took Silvia to a…special room.
"Come with me." He beckoned. Being a man, his wardrobe had nothing useful for Silvia, size and look wise. So, the only other option was down the hallway.
He stood at the mouth of the corridor, taking a breather, before proceeding.
He looked at the door at the end of the hall.
Three years. The paint around the handle had gone slightly rusted at the edges.
His hand hovered over the knob. He didn't dare to touch it or rather, he couldn't bear to.
"Lloyd?" Silvia spoke up from behind him. She tilted her head.
"Aren't you going to open it?"
Lloyd jumped slightly.
"Uh, yeah." He twisted the doorknob and stepped in. Dust fell down immediately from the pressure. The room sat exactly as it had been left. The bed was neatly made, every corner tucked meticulously. But the wear of the paint, the dust hanging from every inch, the opened makeup containers, his father's glasses on the desk, everything had a trace of the life that once lived here.
Lloyd's hands were shaking.
He hadn't noticed when they'd started.
"Pick out anything useful." His voice came out quiet and even, which cost him the last of the rationality he had for the day.
A warm pressure settled on his shoulder. Silvia's hand, firm yet soft.
"Lloyd." She moved around to face him. "What's going on with you?"
He looked at the glasses on the nightstand. Every night by 9:00 pm, his dad would sit in the living room and would read a book to Nora and him. Usually, the books covered life lessons or practical knowledge which would bore both of them to sleep. Sometimes, they talked about awakeners and fantasies. The monsters popping up around the world; the dungeons and the treasures.
It didn't matter how boring the stories were to him, Lloyd just wanted to spend time with his father.
He exhaled, snapping himself out of his daze.
"It was my parents room." he said.
Silvia's hand went still on his shoulder, before rubbing soothing circles.
"My apologizes."
"Three years. It's been three years since then." He continued, with the same monotone.
"And you haven't been in here since I'm guessing." She observed.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." He said it before she could say anything else. "It's been long enough. I should be–" He stopped. Over it sat in his throat and refused to come out, because even he, in this particular moment, couldn't make himself say something that untruthful.
Silvia looked at him for a long moment. Then she said, very calmly "You're shaking."
He looked down at his hands. He was. He pressed them flat against his sides
"Lloyd, there's no timeframe for grief." She spoke softly. She stared at Lloyd who had his eyes lowered.
"Look at me." The man slowly met her gaze. Those ocean-blue eyes of him, always so pure, were tinged with unspoken sadness.
"It's okay to feel sad. It's a normal emotion. It's up to you to decide whether or not you're okay. You don't have to force or lie to yourself. That's not healthy." Silvia was worried. It conveyed through every word. The way each sentence was emphasized.
Pity.
Don't pity me.
I don't need it.
Leave me alone!
But, he didn't speak his thoughts. He simply held his breath.
On the vanity, his mother's dried makeup sat open and waiting. He'd bought her that particular compact at a market two towns over as a birthday gift when he was sixteen and he'd been so proud of himself for picking something she'd actually wanted. She used it sparingly, it was clear how much she valued his gift.
He felt tears prickling in the corner of his eye.
He hated it.
How human emotions were so fickle. Anxiety, happiness, embarrassment, and sadness. He felt so many emotions today. So many feelings he just wanted to lock away.
He turned away from the vanity.
"The wardrobe," he said. "Her things are on the left side. She was a bit bigger than you, my apologizes if nothing fits well."
Silvia watched him for another second. He could feel it her stare lingering on him. He could almost taste her disappointment, her pity, her sympathy for him
Then she moved to the wardrobe without pushing him further, and the absence of pressure felt so good.