What is the meaning of life?
Answer: Exercise!
The wilderness.
Cao Zhong had been running non-stop and finally came to a halt at Stormterror's Lair — the border between Mondstadt and Liyue. He stopped there to catch his breath.
Although his abilities were already at a transcendent level, it had been a long time since Cao Zhong had needed to make a run for it, and this sudden sprint left him a little out of sorts.
"Having made it this far, they shouldn't be able to catch up now, right?"
Cao Zhong let out a long breath.
He opened the group chat, wanting to get a sense of the latest situation.
What greeted him was a barrage of mockery and ridicule from Beidou.
[Beidou: Running away — the act of a coward!]
Hey, this walking cannon, always firing off in every direction, huh!
No wonder nobody wants her.
[Cao Zhong: I wasn't running away — I was running. You only run when there's something you desire in your heart!]
[Yae Miko: Wow~ is this the talent of a great poet? Being able to describe fleeing with such elegance — I'm impressed, I'm genuinely impressed!]
[Xingqiu: Cao boss's talent — I fully acknowledge it! Let's go on a creative writing trip together sometime! @Cao Zhong]
[Jean: @Cao Zhong, what are you running for? It's not like we're going to eat you!]
[Barbara: Exactly! What are you running for? Are you scared or something?]
[Cao Zhong: What do you mean? What kind of talk is that? Everyone knows I, Cao Zhong, have the heart of a bear and the guts of a leopard. Me, scared? What a joke!]
[Eula: Then why are you running?]
[Cao Zhong: Is a post-meal jog not allowed?]
[Amber: Pfft — dying of laughter!]
[Hu Tao: Cao boss, your mouth really is something else!]
[Cao Zhong: What do you all know?! The meaning of life is in exercise!]
[Cao Zhong: Exercise not only boosts our body's metabolism and strengthens our immune system — it can also prevent high blood pressure, high blood sugar, premature ejac—...]
[Kamisato Ayato: It's nothing but an excuse to justify running away. Surely no one actually believes this?]
[A certain gentleman who wishes to remain anonymous: I know, I know! But I still want to ask — can it really prevent... that?]
[Baizhu: In a certain sense — yes, it can!]
[Kamisato Ayato: Well then... little sister. I just finished eating, so I'm going to head out for a two-kilometre jog to aid digestion. You stay home and don't wander off!]
[Thoma: My Lord, wait for me — I'll jog with you! Better to have company!]
[Arataki Itto: Since everyone's going for a run to aid digestion, I can't fall behind. Hey Arataki-Itto-gang listen up — I'm going for a two-kilometre run too. Gang business is in your hands for now!]
...
[Kaeya: Brothers, the fine gentlemen of Inazuma are already running — we can't fall behind. Today, I won't sleep until I've finished five kilometres!]
[Venti: Preventing premature — well, that's not important. The main thing is loving exercise. Kaeya, wait for me!]
[Bennett: If someone's running five kilometres, Bennett must show up in solidarity!]
[Diluc: Why are you looking at me? Get running!]
...
[Xingqiu: @Chongyun, blast it — we can't let those guys look down on Liyue's men! Charge, Chongyun!]
[Chongyun: @Xingqiu, I feel a surge of energy running through me right now. Eight kilometres today!]
[Qiqi: Umm~ where are you going, Master Baizhu?]
[Baizhu: Ah? Haha, just, uh — been sitting too long, going out for a run! Just to unwind, just to unwind!]
[Zhongli: Master Baizhu is quite right — prolonged sitting is not beneficial. Director, I shall also head out for a jog!]
[Tartaglia: Wow, the scenery around Mt. Tianheng really is something!]
...
[Cyno: @Tighnari, let's go for a run too!]
[Tighnari: @Cyno, of course — aiding digestion is my specialty!]
[Kaveh: @Alhaitham, Haitham, let's get moving too!]
[Alhaitham: Pointless...]
[Kaveh: Alhaitham, you scoundrel — you already started without me!]
...
[Beidou: Ridiculous! Someone actually believes this nonsense. Ice-Barrel, make sure you finish your tasks — I'm going out for a lap.]
[Ice-Barrel (Childe?): ...]
At virtually the same moment, a running craze swept through all of Teyvat.
[Nearly every male in Teyvat: THE MEANING OF LIFE IS EXERCISE!]
...
[Hu Tao: Okay, this is the first time I've ever seen them this united!]
[Ganyu: This bizarre competitive streak...]
[Kamisato Ayaka: Why are they like this?]
[Yae Miko: For endurance. For stamina. For longevity — if you catch my drift.]
[Hu Tao: Wow! Grand Shrine Mistress, you really get it — you really know how it is!]
[Yae Miko: Oh my, think nothing of it — stay calm, stay calm. You'll all understand one day!]
[Cao Zhong: Oh no — I just remembered. Only people with kidney deficiency need to exercise!]
[Beidou: @Cao Zhong, you little dog — drop dead!]
[Kaeya: @Cao Zhong, you come back here, I'll knock something loose from you!]
[Kamisato Ayato: @Cao Zhong, you are finished. You are absolutely finished!]
[Zhongli: From the perspective of general reason, Cao Zhong doesn't quite behave like a human being.]
...
[Nearly all of Teyvat's men: @Cao Zhong — Teyvat is vast, but there is no place in it for you.]
[Hu Tao: @Cao Zhong, you really know how to forget things at just the right moment.]
[Yae Miko: @Cao Zhong, you really do understand men.]
Out in the wilderness, Cao Zhong looked at the furious mob in the group chat and burst out laughing.
The only ones who truly understand men... are other men!
[Beidou: @Cao Zhong, stay right where you are in Mondstadt — I'm coming to slaughter you!]
[Kaeya: Too late. Cao Zhong has already left Mondstadt!]
[Yae Miko: @Cao Zhong, ohh~ any plans to come to Inazuma? I could help you win over the Shogun~]
[Raiden Shogun: #]
[Beidou: @Raiden Shogun, old lady, still kicking, are we!]
[Raiden Shogun: ?]
[Yae Miko: "Old lady" — HAHAHAHAHA!]
[Raiden Shogun: #]
[Beidou: @Yae Miko, what are you laughing at? You're an old lady too!]
[Yae Miko: #]
[Cao Zhong: Beidou, going around mouthing off like this isn't great for you — you might end up with no horse to ride!]
[Beidou: Psh. My horse ran out long ago!]
[Raiden Shogun: #]
[Venti: I'm "filial-laughing" to death!]
[Kaeya: A true display of "filial comedy" if I ever saw one.]
[Xingqiu: So THIS is what a devoted child looks like?]
...
[Yae Miko: @Cao Zhong, really not coming to Inazuma?]
[Cao Zhong: @Yae Miko, we'll see — my Inazuma vocabulary isn't great yet, need a bit more practice!]
[Xingqiu: Wow, Cao boss knows Inazuma dialect! Let's hear some!]
[Cao Zhong: Please, I know everything.]
[Kaeya: Say something then!]
[Cao Zhong: Don't believe me? Fine, I'll say something. Asa ma— actually, never mind. I don't know Inazuma dialect at all.]
[Kamisato Ayato: ?]
[Xingqiu: ?]
[Hu Tao: ?]
[Venti: @Cao Zhong, and you said you don't know Inazuma dialect — I heard exactly what that was!]
[Kaeya: In that moment, my DNA reacted.]
[Bennett: It's clear Cao bro has been watching plenty of Inazuma... films... in his spare time.]
[Cao Zhong: All in the name of art!]
[Kaeya: @Cao Zhong, what exactly is the "study resource sharing group" for?]
[Venti: We condemn you!]
[Bennett: We condemn you!]
[Xingqiu: We condemn you!]
[Kamisato Ayato: We condemn you!]
...
[Cao Zhong: Posted, posted — stop hollering!]
[Chongyun: May good people live long and peaceful lives!]
[Bennett: May good people live long and peaceful lives!]
[Gorou: May good people live long and peaceful lives!]
[Kaeya: Brothers, logging off for now — something urgent came up!]
[Kamisato Ayato: Time to rest!]
[Xingqiu: Forget the novel — not writing anymore. Going to sleep!]
[Hu Tao: ???]
[Yae Miko: Really just going to sleep? Don't go doing anything naughty~]
[Cao Zhong: These people... I don't even want to call them out. Disgusting.]
[Beidou: A bunch of fools. That's all they are.]
[Cao Zhong: @Beidou, hey Beidou-bro — you're not... incapable, are you?]
[Yae Miko: @Cao Zhong, oh my goodness, what are you doing!!!]
[Kaeya: I'm back. Who's incapable?]
[Venti: Who exactly is incapable?]
[Bennett: So, capable or not?]
[Beidou: The hell?! You all want to die, do you?! I'll grant your wish!]
[Kaeya: She's flustered, she's flustered — she's definitely flustered!]
[Venti: She's mad, she's mad — she's really mad!]
[Bennett: It's true, it's true — it's definitely true!]
[Yae Miko: Is there perhaps a possibility... that she doesn't have one?]
[Hu Tao: Hss~ that must hurt!]
[Venti: No way, no way — there's really someone out there with nothing?!]
[Kaeya: Wuwuwu~~~]
[Bennett: Kaeya, what's wrong?]
[Cao Zhong: He's lost it — he can't hold on anymore!]
[Kaeya: HAHAHAHA~~~~]
[Beidou: You're all dead!!!]