Both frozen, Suo Han just stood there awkwardly without a word. He lifted his hands to his chest, and in an attempt to distract himself, began to pick his nails. Mumbling, he said, "This lowly servant apologizes, Elder Sister Jue. Young Master's original name is just prettier and--"
"That is not for a servant to use." Qian Jue clipped up another sheet, gently patting along it. In a confused look of conflicted emotions, Tao Hua was caught between wondering exactly how much agency he had over his own name, but also that he felt a small amount of racing excitement knowing who established that decree.
His emotions were becoming far too overbearing. Shaking his head, he turned to look between Qian Jue and Suo Han, and a thought emerged.
He should know him best of all people? Tao Hua studied Suo Han's nervousness, nearly ripping off a hangnail in the process. If that's the case, why does he act like he knows nothing? Is it genuine or an act? They are fellow disciples after all, sharing the same master.
"T-This lowly servant apologizes," Suo Han repeated anxiously.
But Qian Jue continued without acknowledging his apology. "Gossip is unbecoming of you; you were raised better than to lower yourself tot he other servants."
Suo Han just nodded.
"Being his younger brother, you of all people should know Lord Shengkai is more poetic than many give him credit for."
Younger brother?! They barely look alike! Tao Hua's eyes darted at Suo Han, who refused to look at either of them. Why is Shan Si's younger brother playing servant?
Shifting his eyes up at Tao Hua, Suo Han pursed his lips. It seemed he was well aware of what Tao Hua was thinking, as though it was nothing more than a typical reaction.
So, in a low and quiet voice, he said, "Same father, different mother. He's older by four years."
"Precisely, Suo Han," Qian Jue turned to them. In her hand she held a bundle of sheets, squeezed herself between the two boys, and placed it on the table. "As your elder brother, he should be treated with more respect."
"But!" Suo Han lifted his head before resigning back into his small stature. "Y-Yes, this servant understands."
Tao Hua frowned slightly, interjecting, "I think Suo Han has a point…the name is a bit absurd, Elder Sister Jue."
During his time staying in Shan Si's palace, Tao Hua had gradually gotten to know Qian Jue more and more. This was thanks to Shan Si's orders, instructing her to watch over him while he was away and take care of his needs.
Though they didn't often converse, there was a shared respect int he silence both filled. When they communicated, she'd offer him a slew of advice worthy of an elder sister.
Thus, he couldn't see Qian Jue as just a lowly servant, nor could he address her as such.
"From an outside perspective, that may be true," Qian Jue replied, passing Tao Hua a few sheets before picking up a few more and passing them to Suo Han. "But the two of you don't stand outside, not when Our Lord has invited you in. Wouldn't it be heartbreaking to open your doors to someone only for them to track in mud?"
Both Tao Hua and Suo Han let out a guilty puff of air before turning to their sheets.
Tao Hua was the first to speak up as Suo Han lifted the sheet and stared at it with strained confusion.
"Then why lonely? It feels like he's just piercing a sword straight into an already deepened wound," said Tao Hua.
"To treat a wound, we first have to acknowledge that it exists," Qian Jue replied. "Try challenging your perspective a bit, Tao Gu. You may be surprised to find the sword isn't a sword at all, but a gentle hand."
"…" Tao Hua's brows knitted, and he turned to the sheet in his hand. Akin to Suo Han, he also frustratingly struggled with folding it up, all while Qian Jue had moved on to her fourth. "I just don't understand how being described as lonely is gentle."
"I agree!" Suo Han added, before immediately turning back down to his sheet.
Paying no mind, Qian Jue continued.
"Then the wound is still fresh that any amount of poultice will hurt." She took that small pile and pushed it toward Suo Han, instructing him to leave it there for now. "Is that the fault of Our Lord or your perspective?"
"…" Tao Hua didn't know what to say. All he could do mull over Qian Jue's words as she speedily made her way through more of the laundry. "How am I supposed to know what the other perspective is? I don't have any experience."
Qian Jue smiled softly. "If you don't know, simply ask. We've gone over this before, haven't we? All knowledge is knowledge passed down, and that starts by asking a question."
Pausing for a moment, Tao Hua awkwardly shuffled the quilt in his hands.
"I-I see…um, why did he pick Lonely?"
"I don't have the answer to that," she admitted, causing both Suo Han and Tao Hua to whip their heads up at her in disbelief. "However, maybe it's his way of telling you that he understands your struggle and wants you to know you're not alone. But I'm just a lowly maidservant, what do I know?"
"…" Suo Han set down the sheet. "Through his name? Why not say it?"
"Poets are unreasonable men, yet hopelessly romantic." She placed another folded sheet onto an already accumulated pile, shoving it toward Tao Hua. "They seem contradictory, but you'd be surprised that they share the same candle."
Looking down at the sheets, Tao Hua's chest nearly skipped a beat.
"What's worse is that poets are hopelessly terrible at being straightforward. If you care for once, you should always analyze the context of their words," she said, creating a THIRD pile. "It sounds like an awful lot of work—and you'd be right to think so—but all worthwhile poems, stories, and songs must pay off, eventually."
It was the perfect analogy for someone like Tao Hua, and the more Qian Jue spoke, the more the realization slowly started to dawn on him.
"Let me ask you both this: would you rather someone shower you in gold and jade, unbeknownst of the consequences, shoving you into a room and declaring your problems solved?" she asked, picking up Tao Hua's pile and placing it in his hand after finishing her own. "Or would you rather someone sit with you and tell you the words you've been craving for most of your life?"
Holding that hefty bundle in his hands, juggling it a bit before steadying himself. It was tall enough that the folded sheets reached just under his nose, and Tao Hua had to peer over just to look at Qian Jue.
She was in the middle of doing the exact same with Suo Han.
"What kind of words?" Tao Hua asked.
"Three simple, yet powerful words."
"…" Suo Han's face slightly contorted with confused, written in the wrinkles on his forehead. He had no issue balancing the pile, but his voice was muffled from how close he held it to himself. "I love you?"
Tao Hua nearly dropped the pile, choking on his own spit. This made Qian Jue laugh as she grabbed the third tidy sum of laundry.
"Close. Love is quite a powerful declaration, but can often be misused."
Tao Hua thought back to his own experience with Shan Si. "I need you?"
Qian Jue shook her head, slightly amused. "Not quite. That's vulnerability."
Both of the men looked as though they were ready to rip apart their brains trying to figure it out. Alas, Qian Jue eased their woes and answered, "I see you."
The corner of Suo Han's mouth lifted. "Hah?! P-Please excuse my ignorance, Elder Sister, but how is Our Lord seeing him exactly?! As a loner?!"
"Well, if that's how you percieve his words, then that's how you choose to understand Lord Shengkai, Suo Han."
"Ah…" He lowered his head, his forehead pressed against the sheets and nearly causing them to fall had it not been for Qian Jue's hand. It reacted in the nick of time, preventing the pile from falling. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken ill of Lord Shengkai."
Qian Jue merely offered him a smile, all while Tao Hua reflected on her words. A few instances came to mind immediately.
The first was about Shan Si's insistence on Tao Hua's health, for the last week and a half. Then the extra covers each morning, which Tao Hua slowly learnt wasn't the doing of Qian Jue.
Then, his comment about how he didn't want Tao Hua to protect him, but he wanted to protect Tao Hua.
And finally, Weng Jing's statement on the robe.
Offering the shirt off one's back is announcing one's love.
His face went an entirely new shade of red, just as Qian Jue started for the exit of the Laundry Bureau.
While they made their way through the outer court of the palace, following behind Qian Jue, Tao Hua could barely make out Suo Han's grumbling amid his own thoughts. It was something along the lines of: "Poetic…nothing about loneliness is poetic. I don't get it."
But Tao Hua's mind left him in a haze and travelled elsewhere.
I see you…I see you… he pondered, just as Qian Jue promptly stopped. How does Shan Si exactly see me?
When he glanced up, he saw not only an extremely disturbed expression on Qian Jue's face, but far ahead stood an extremely familiar face.
A tall, tired man with his hands pressed against his eyes. This was Shan Si, and he seemed extremely frustrated, his shoulders deflating with the world's heftiest sigh.
In his company were three others. Two Tao Hua recognized as the servant with a shovel, Li Zhou. This time he wasn't dressed in makeup, yet still seemed unbothered.
The other was the muddy child, Feifei. He had the grey cat again and was squealing amid another, unfamiliar grasp.
This grasp belonged to an averagely sized woman, dressed in an extravagant silk robe of light pink, sage green, and white, layered to the heavens. Her tied up hair was adorned with gold, jade, and plum blossom-inspired ornaments.
It complemented the light shade of oak strands, and gracefully so.
And although this mysterious woman looked angry, yelling at Shan Si while trying to keep ahold of Feifei, that anger never once washed out her beauty.
To achieve such standards…Tao Hua couldn't believe it!
This was the most stunning woman he had ever laid her eyes on, and all he could do was gawk.
Qian Jue however? The opposite.
"Oh no…oh no, oh no," she muttered, quickly placing her pile in Suo Han's arms and blocking out his view entirely. "Oh dear, not again. Why does this always happen…? Oh no."
She picked up her skirt and hurriedly started toward the bantering crowd.
Tao Hua blinked, unsure how to react.
"Uh oh…" Suo Han said, trying to look from the side of the pile. "Not good."
"What isn't good? Who is that?"
Suo Han hesitated a bit before saying, "Consort Fang. Lord Shengkai has been shoving Elder Sister Jue's grandson on her to take care of while we were dealing with our punishments."
Tao Hua's stomach nearly twisted into oblivion.
Chapter end.