From the moment Silius announced my new status at the assembly, everything changed.
No one dared say a word against me anymore. Some of the Special-class students had even started showing me respect.
That part felt wrong.
"And what did you expect?" Robert said when I brought it up. "You're still a first-year, and you've already got what everyone in the Special class is fighting for."
"I don't see what's so great about running errands for the nobility," I said flatly.
"For you? Sure, Mr. Aristocrat," Torent snorted. "But put yourself in the twins' place. They've got nothing waiting for them outside. For them, and for most of us, getting chosen as a personal bodyguard is like winning the lottery."
"Status. Money. And a real shot at surviving your mandatory service."
"It's still not what I want," I muttered. "I'd rather serve my ten years here at the academy."
"You really think it's that easy to stay here as a teacher?" Miguel cut in.
Robert blinked. "Where the hell did you come from?"
I hadn't noticed him either.
We were sitting outside the dorms. Quiet. Almost empty. I should have seen him coming.
But he was just there.
Right behind us.
Like he'd always been standing there.
The thought flickered through my mind, but I didn't say it out loud.
"Hey," I said instead, shifting to make room.
"How's the new position?" Miguel asked.
"Honestly?" I exhaled. "It doesn't feel any different."
And it didn't.
What I did before and what I did now were almost the same.
Orders. Silence. Obedience.
The only thing that changed was people.
The way they looked at me.
And Silius.
He pulled away.
Maybe he had a conscience after all.
Maybe he pitied me.
Or maybe he just found it disgusting to touch me after what happened.
I didn't know which was worse.
Since the day I became his personal bodyguard, he had stopped provoking me. Stopped trying to get a reaction out of me.
And every time we brushed against each other, he flinched.
Like he'd touched something he didn't want to touch.
Storik was the opposite.
Watching me.
More closely than before.
Trying not to make it obvious. Trying not to crush what little dignity I had left.
But you'd have to be blind not to notice.
In the past two months, I'd gone on three field missions.
Andrew had been on every one of them.
He barely left my side.
Part of me understood.
The other part resented it.
Did he really think I was that broken?
"You said it's not easy to stay here as a teacher," Torent said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Miguel, you planning that?"
"…Yeah," Miguel said quietly. "You know Koni's ability. Body memory. They decided she stays here instead of going into administration."
"You don't want to leave her," I said.
I didn't need an answer.
I already knew.
Soon enough, I'd have to leave someone behind too.
Because now I belonged to Silius.
"Yeah," Miguel exhaled. "She's nervous. And I can't do anything about it."
"So they turned you down?" Robert asked.
"Not directly. But they said if I want to teach, I need to prove I can survive first. They don't need staff dying every year."
"So basically, they told you you're not good enough," Torent smirked.
"Hey, enough," I snapped. "Teachers take dangerous assignments, but that doesn't mean Miguel won't make it."
"Easy for you to say," Miguel muttered. "Despite everything, you became the best in our group. You don't have to worry about your future anymore."
"That's not how it works," Robert cut in sharply. "You think Alan didn't earn that? Do you have any idea how much he put in? The training? The injuries? The constant pressure? The way everyone treated him?"
"Don't you dare talk about his achievements like they mean nothing."
"…Sorry," Miguel said quietly. "I didn't mean it like that."
"It's fine," I said.
I was still trying to process how suddenly Robert had snapped.
"Damn it, Holivan, what the hell is wrong with you?" Robert suddenly turned on me.
I blinked.
"People insult you, you take it. They use you, you go along with it."
"You're an aristocrat, aren't you? Then act like one. Show some arrogance for once and shut them up."
"I'm sick of watching you act like you don't even have a spine."
"I… I think I'll go," Miguel muttered.
"Then go," Robert snapped. "And instead of whining about how weak you are, go train."
"What's your problem?" I asked, genuinely confused. "What did he do? What did I do? Why are you snapping at us?"
"Because it pisses me off!" Robert shot back.
Then his voice dropped.
Tired. Raw.
"I'm trying to catch up to someone like you. And I can't."
Silence.
"…What?"
"You think I haven't noticed?" he went on. "Me and Matthew, we've been trying to beat you. To surpass you. And we can't."
"Damn it, Alan. You're talented. You're stubborn. You don't quit."
"So why the hell do you let people treat you like that?"
"Why?"
"…Sorry," I said automatically.
The word slipped out before I could stop it.
And I hated it.
"I didn't realize my being here bothered you that much," I added quietly.
I could hear the bitterness in my own voice.
"That's not what I meant," he groaned. "God, Holivan, you're impossible."
"I just told you everything I've been holding in, and now I feel like the asshole."
"I'm glad I met you, alright? But I can't stand watching someone I respect, yeah, I said it, I respect you, act like this."
"…Forget it. You won't get it anyway."
He stood up abruptly.
"Come on. I'm starving."
Just like that, he was back to normal.
As if nothing had happened.
And I didn't push it.
Because I didn't understand him.
Not even a little.
"Holivan. Upstairs."
Silius's voice.
Cold. Flat.
I turned.
"Yes, sir."
I glanced at Robert's back. He didn't even turn around.
Then I followed my master upstairs.
My role was simple.
Follow orders.
Stay silent.
Stand where I was told until dismissed.
That was it.
I hated it.
Every part of it.
But I endured.
Because it wasn't just my future on the line anymore.
It was his reputation too.
Robert wasn't wrong.
There was truth in what he said.
I really did let my emotions control me.
Even now.
Instead of resisting.
Instead of rejecting this.
I obeyed.
So what was it?
Guilt?
Because Clyde risked everything for me?
Gratitude?
Because he stood by me?
Or something worse.
Something broken inside me that just… accepted it?
I didn't know.
I only knew one thing.
I couldn't do otherwise.