Deadpool held his face in his hands and exclaimed, "Holy! Crap! You, the guy dressed like a clown, aren't actually cosplaying. You're..."
Hearing this, Captain America thought Deadpool had recognized him. He immediately puffed out his chest and deliberately raised the Vibranium star shield in his hand. "Hmph, that's right. I am the embodiment of justice and courage—"
The next moment, Deadpool pointed at Captain America and said with absolute certainty, "You're the Human Torch!!!"
Captain America:?
Captain America couldn't help but grab Deadpool by the collar and lift him up. Pointing at his own incredibly handsome face, he spat as he shouted:
"If you don't need those dog eyes of yours, donate them! You don't even recognize my iconic, righteous face? Are you even a goddamn American?!"
Being held up by Captain America, Deadpool didn't get angry. He spread his hands and said leisurely:
"You're wearing a mask, so I can't see your whatever-bitch face. Besides, if wearing this costume makes you Captain America, then if I put on a spider suit, am I Spider-Man?"
"Heh, what if I do this?" Hearing Deadpool's words, Captain America sneered and ripped off the ridiculous hood of his original suit, revealing his standard American handsome face.
To his surprise, Deadpool looked at that standard Captain America face but still wore a look of disdain:
"The face is indeed Cap's face, but that doesn't prove you're him. I just met a kid recently who looked exactly like you, but he flew off screaming 'Flame on!' and had a mouth just as foul as yours. In the end, a bald woman ripped the skin right off his body!"
"So if you say you're Cap, you'll have to provide more convincing proof!"
Captain America was so angry he laughed. Since when did he need to prove he was himself in this stupid country?
Proof? I'll make you goddamn fly!
Just as Captain America was about to throw this idiot Deadpool out, Deadpool beat him to it by slapping Captain America's firm buttocks hard:
"Oh my God, Jesus! That perfect America's Ass... Okay, now I believe you're Captain Ass!"
Feeling his rear being squeezed, how could Captain America, whose personality had been inverted by HYDRA, tolerate this?
I am the dignified Captain HYDRA. Do you think I'll put up with your disgusting habits?
Captain America grabbed the wandering hand on his rear and executed a grappling throw, slamming Deadpool to the ground and twisting hard!
Crack—!
The sound of a bone breaking echoed. Deadpool's wrist joint was snapped by Captain America, bent into a V-shape!
Deadpool wailed in pain:
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Buddy, that's not very Captain America of you. That's way too dark. I feel like you're more like Batman—he's the one who likes breaking people's bones!"
"Shut the hell up!" Faced with Deadpool's wailing, Captain America, whose temper had already become explosive, grew even more irritated. He delivered an elbow strike right to Deadpool's incessant mouth, knocking out two of his teeth!
"Hey! Bastard, I hate it when people hit me in the mouth the most. I swear you're going to have a few extra holes in your body today!"
This 'Mamba Elbow' infuriated Deadpool, who had previously been playing around. With his remaining good hand, he drew a small tactical knife from his calf and'shuck'—stabbed it into Captain America's thigh!
The pain in his leg didn't make Captain America let go. Instead, it stimulated the violent instincts in his body. Using one hand, he grabbed Deadpool's broken arm and slammed him violently toward Felicia's office desk!
With a 'boom,' the expensive solid wood desk instantly shattered into pieces under Captain America's immense strength!
Fortunately, Felicia had sensed something was wrong the moment they started fighting. She had already pressed the button under the desk and stood up; otherwise, she might have been caught in their brawl!
After taking Deadpool down, Captain America casually pulled the small knife from his leg, threw it on the floor, and grinned at Felicia, who had retreated to the door and was about to slip away:
"Hey, lady. Now that I've beaten the other competitor, can I join the Spider Family?"
He hadn't forgotten that HYDRA sent him here to infiltrate the Spider Family.
Felicia's face twisted upon hearing this. Setting aside whether this was how a 'competition' worked, she had already goddamn said this was Parker Tower, not some Spider Family!
Although she vaguely guessed her boss was related to the Spider Family, since he hadn't told her explicitly, she had to pretend she didn't know!
Otherwise, if she spoke out of turn, she might be fired from this low-effort, high-pay assistant job tomorrow just for stepping into the company with her left foot first.
While Felicia was thinking about how to stabilize this idiot who looked like Captain America until the security chief, Valkyrie, arrived, Deadpool actually shook his head and stood up from the wreckage of the desk.
Under the shocked gazes of Captain America and Felicia, Deadpool flicked his arm that was broken into a V-shape, and it snapped back into place!
Deadpool cracked his neck, drew his twin katanas from his shoulders, and made a classic 'X' gesture across his chest. He said excitedly, "A showdown between the Savior of Marvel and the 50/50 of Marvel? Come on, let's fight!"
With that, Deadpool lunged at Captain America with his blades!
"You think I'm afraid of an idiot like you? Bring it!" Not to be outdone, Captain America raised his shield and charged at Deadpool!
Next, please enjoy 'Octogenarian vs. Late-Stage Cancer,' 'Motherf*cker-Man vs. F*ck-Man,' 'No Martial Arts Ethics vs. No Basic Decency'...
In this ultimate showdown with no lower limits, who will emerge victorious?
Let's count down five seconds to reveal the answer: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
The answer is...
Valkyrie!
Valkyrie pushed open the door of the recruitment office only to see Deadpool with one hand shoved into Captain America's nostrils and the other grabbing Cap's forearm...
And Captain America with one hand trying to uninstall Deadpool's 'internal software' while the other pulled Deadpool's head until it was as long as rubber...
Furthermore, both had their legs locked tightly around each other's waists...
The two were stuck together on the ground in an extremely bizarre and perverse pose, neither able to move...
Even after spending so many years on the cosmic junk planet Sakaar and seeing so much, Valkyrie admitted her eyes were burning at this moment...
Valkyrie rubbed her eyes and decided she shouldn't be the only one to suffer. Instead of intervening immediately, she took out her phone, snapped a few photos of the entangled pair, and sent them to the Spider Family group chat.
When things happen, don't panic; first, take out your phone and post to your social feed...