SF Chapter 110: Girls' Night Final
After a while, the quartet went out to the balcony.
Phoebe and Monica were sitting in the chairs, while Daniel was sitting next to Rachel, who was leaning against the steps.
Everyone was pretty drunk, but still drinking.
"Pheebs, do you remember that vegetarian pâté I made that you loved so much?" Monica recalled with a grin.
Her friend nodded. "Uh-huh."
"Well, unless goose is a vegetable..." Monica confessed, already laughing, with Dani and Rachel laughing too.
"Oh! Oh!" Phoebe made a disgusted face.
"Okay, fine, fine," she revealed another story of her own. "Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley."
Monica widened her eyes and asked indignantly, "What? You slept with Jason?"
"You had already broken up."
Rachel asked, "How long?"
"Just a couple hours," Phoebe replied dismissively.
"Boo," Dani booed. "You broke the bro code, Pheebs."
"Okay, okay, okay, I got one," Rachel said, raising her hand. "Monica, the valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me."
Monica turned to her friend. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, hello? Like he was really gonna send you one." Rachel gestured with her hands toward Phoebe and Daniel. "She was a big girl."
"Well, at least big girls don't pee their pants in seventh grade," Monica shot back.
"I was laughing. You made me laugh," her friend tried to defend herself.
The quartet ended up laughing.
Dani mocked her. "Careful, Rach, don't pee yourself again," he said, earning a shove from her.
"Oh, I remember when I stayed at Claire's house for a few months, my cousin - Dani's sister, he was really jealous of us," Monica said, nudging her cousin.
"Uhhh," Phoebe and Rachel teased him.
"Of course I was. Claire is my super sis. Technically also my cousin. Sometimes my second mom. And most of the time my jailer and inquisitor," he remarked.
"I didn't like Mon at first. The giant chubby girl who wanted to steal my sis."
Monica just rolled her eyes. "Oh, and when I went to see the premiere of Dani's movie in L.A. a few months ago?"
"I was thinking, how did that little brat turn into a famous writer and make a movie? I kept wondering what it would be like to see him again. Do you know what the first thing he said to me was?" Monica asked the girls.
"What?"
"To marry him!"
Phoebe and Rachel burst out laughing.
Dani admitted shamelessly, "Only natural. I saw how Monica had turned into this incredibly gorgeous woman."
"Hey, Mon," he smirked at her, "you know it's legal in like half the states in the country, right? New York and California included."
Monica made a face that clearly said, You really don't know when to stop, do you? But she wasn't annoyed. In fact, deep down, Monica was very pleased. She had always been weak to that kind of shameless flattery.
The other two laughed even harder.
"You really have no shame, do you?" Rachel gave him a little shove.
Dani raised a finger. "In my body, where the shame gland is supposed to be, there's a second awesome gland."
"That's why I have double the awesomeness!" he declared, making a pompous face.
Pillows and more pillows were thrown at him.
"Oh, yeah," he suddenly remembered, "you're all invited to the premiere of Superbad next month, my second movie. You can all stay at my house."
"Nice," Phoebe smiled.
Monica looked at him. "Are you talking about Claire's house, your brother's house, or one of your parents' houses?" she asked, since 'my house' was a pretty broad term in his case.
"Oh, none of those. My house. Like, really my house. I bought one really close to my brother's place."
"Whoa, a beach house in Malibu?" Monica asked, impressed. "I might reconsider your marriage offer, sir," she joked.
"Wait, you have five houses?" Phoebe asked.
"Yep. Cheviot Hills, Brentwood, Beverly Hills, and two in Malibu. I'm like Rachel - a privileged, spoiled, useless second-generation rich kid."
"Hey!" Rachel got annoyed. "Now I know how to make coffee, clean the house, do my laundry, go grocery shopping..." she listed what she had learned.
Dani thought about it. "Yeah, I still don't know how to make coffee. I do know how to clean a house, though - I did that a lot when I was a kid. Sis made me do it just because of a few drawings on the walls... and the ceiling."
"I don't know how to do laundry either. But I do know what not to do," he pointed out.
"Like which buttons you definitely shouldn't keep pressing, and that you're not supposed to dump an entire box of detergent into the machine. I learned that after flooding my sister's house with foam once."
Monica started laughing. "I remember that. You did it because you wanted to compete with me. I saw you had already messed up, so I decided to dump in another whole box of detergent just to make your punishment worse."
The three of them kept laughing nonstop, while Dani made a deeply wronged face.
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The next morning, Dani woke up groaning.
"Man, you three are a mess," Chandler remarked, seeing that Daniel, Rachel, and Phoebe had fallen asleep out on the balcony.
"Can you ask God to turn off the light?" Rachel complained, waking up too.
Dani, who had been lying with his head in Rachel's lap, sat up.
"Wow, the last two times I woke up this hungover, I also had two girls with me. But those were threesomes..." he muttered.
He was remembering the times with Lexi and Penny, and Mischa and Lexi.
"What?" Rachel exclaimed.
"What?" Dani repeated, pretending he hadn't said anything.
Chandler, who hadn't heard him because he was busy drawing a mustache on Phoebe, turned back to them. "You might want to get to the kitchen fast if you want to eat shrimp for breakfast."
"Joey is attacking nonstop," he said, gesturing toward the kitchen.
"I'm good. I just want some hangover medicine and a coffee," Dani said dismissively. "Where's Monica, anyway?"
Chandler pointed toward the middle of the room. "She's asleep on the floor over there, halfway to her room."
[Dani and Lexi commentary]
"When I came back to the hotel room, Lexi was wrecked with a hangover too," Dani said, pointing at her.
"See, Lexi, every time I wake up horribly hungover, I wake up with two beautiful girls," he teased her.
She gave him a flat look. Then she told him about the day before. "Oh, we got really drunk yesterday, and Anna said she thought you were cute and that we should have a foursome."
"What?"
"Leighton scolded her. But I was thinking..." she paused, "too bad you were so drunk and couldn't answer your phone..."
"...or your night would've ended in a real threesome again," Lexi finished unfazed.
He made a face. "You're just messing with me, Lexi."
"No, no. It's a true story!" she smirked.
[Commentary ends]
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