Chapter 22: Awareness?
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Being aware of many things. What does that mean?
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"Uhm... were you talking to me?"
Lumian answered without taking his eyes off the sky.
"Yeah. What were you thinking about so deeply?"
'... he really was talking to me...'
She thought for a few seconds about what she should and could say to him, only to end up not really answering.
"The Form, is it really under the carriage?"
Liu turned her gaze toward the ground, trying to catch a glimpse of the Form.
"Yeah, it's there. Even if it's still a bit of a pain to deal with, it's nothing too complicated since it's only a few days old. But during the practical training days, we'll try to teach it some things so it's easier to manage."
She had only asked that question to dodge Lumian's, and the answer didn't really matter to her. But Lumian's response caught her off guard.
'... we're going to do that?'
She turned her gaze back toward Lumian to find him looking at her.
"Have you tried talking to it yet?" he asked her.
She quickly recalled her interactions with the Form before answering.
"No, I haven't tried yet..."
'... I was too scared...'
Lumian ran a hand through his hair and continued explaining what they were going to do.
'... his hair is long compared to Milo's... down to his shoulders...'
"First, we'll need to teach it the basics of logic — since "stop" didn't work, we'll try "no" and "yes". And I think it'll be more effective if you're the one talking to it. It might only listen to you."
Liu answered while grabbing her hair, which was barely longer than Lumian's.
"Alright, but mm... are you sure that'll work? Are you sure it'll understand what I'm saying to it?"
'... the sound of the chevarbre's hooves... it sounds like music...'
This conversation began to ease the atmosphere. Strangely, Liu felt good here.
"I'm sure, yes. But maybe not on the first try."
After having started reading the guide, remembering her dream, deciding on her goals... she finally felt truly at peace with her own thoughts.
"How can you be so sure? I'm not even sure it can see and hear..."
'... the wind is more humid and fresh here...'
It was the most relaxed conversation she'd had in these past few days — a spontaneous conversation, without stress.
"It can, it can see and hear — it even has all five human senses... there'll be no problem educating it like a child."
Even though the subject gave her pause for thought, Liu didn't dwell on it. She didn't lose herself in suspicious and complex reflection during this conversation. On the contrary, she answered directly with what she was thinking and what she was wondering.
"Mmm... you seem sure of yourself. Can you explain it to me?"
'... we must be close to the border by now...'
Even though she knew Lumian wasn't telling her everything he had discovered, she didn't care. She was enjoying this moment. A moment of lightness, allowing her to feel her surroundings in a deeper way than ever before.
"Are you sure? Do you think you're ready to hear what I have to say?"
Lumian was more considerate than she had expected. She looked at him strangely, the doubt about what he had just said visible on her face.
"Why are you being so nice? It's coming out of nowhere too..."
Seeing Liu's honest expression and her spontaneous way of speaking — so different from usual — Lumian smiled as he answered her.
"Words and information are an incredible force, but also a very dangerous one. Do you know why?"
Liu didn't really think about the question. She shook her head directly, signaling that she didn't know. She had never thought about it.
"The moment you learn something, you can no longer escape it."
He paused to turn his gaze toward the sky, then continued.
"When you become aware of many things in this world, you'll notice that... the weight of responsibility for those things — that you know and understand — is inevitable. The meaning of the words you speak will follow you into your dreams."
He let out a long sigh before continuing. Liu also looked up at the sky, listening to what he had to say with great attention.
"I always choose my words and the information I reveal with care. Certain pieces of information I could reveal to you now would most likely lead to your death in a short time. Whether you take your own life, or someone else takes it from you."
It was the first time Liu had heard something like that. Phrases too deep for her to fully understand, yet simple enough for her to remember.
He continued on that note, stringing sentences together like a list of facts.
"I am neither good nor bad. I am simply alive.... My life has led me to understand certain things, and to endure others. And that is an inevitability inherent to all life. For me... in my life, the consequences of things I am the cause of are among the most terrifying things in the world."
He turned his gaze toward Liu. A gaze she felt for an unknown reason. She therefore also turned her gaze toward Lumian, and looked him in the eyes.
"Do you know what karma is?... The lives of others don't matter to me, but the karma of their lives does matter to me."
The expression on Lumian's face was unreadable. He wasn't impassive, but he was beyond Liu's understanding. The only thing Liu could truly read on his face was the strange glimmer in his eyes.
'...karma...'
"The moment you learn something, you can no longer escape it.... What a terrifying and... pathetic phrase."
Liu didn't move, didn't react — she simply... listened, staring into Lumian's eyes without being able to look away, until... he closed them himself.
"I'm sorry for teaching you that phrase. But... the sooner you learn it, the better... That's what I think..."
When he reopened his eyes, the glimmer had disappeared. He turned his gaze back toward the sky once more, and asked Liu the same thing a second time.
"Do you think you're ready to hear what I have to say?"
That question brought Liu back, and she too looked at the sky — white and empty.
'... ready?...'
Without truly knowing if she was ready, she answered:
"I... think I'm ready..."
That answer was spontaneous, coming out of Liu's mouth to express her pure curiosity. Her desire to hear the words Lumian had to say won out over any logic she thought she possessed.
"Mhmh, you're acting more like a kid your age now. But... in any case, what I'm going to explain to you is in no way going to cause your death, at least not directly... On the other hand, it might disgust you."
Looking at Liu once more, he waited for her reaction.
'... disgust?...'
Finally taking in what he had said, Liu reacted in a way that surprised even Lumian. She suddenly turned her head and answered him aggressively.
"... what do you mean like a kid my age?! What exactly do you mean by that? Huh..."
For the first time since the beginning, Lumian was left speechless.
"Uh... I don't see where you're going with that..."
'... is he serious?...'
Liu stared at him intensely and sighed with disdain, as she was used to doing in such situations.
"Hhaa... you're underestimating me, and saying that my answer was that of a kid who doesn't know what she's doing... it's not right to judge people by their age. My decision was very well thought out!"
She lied shamelessly in front of Lumian. Deep down she was even a little embarrassed by the spontaneous answer she had given — she hadn't thought about it for even a moment.
Hearing that answer, Lumian smiled widely — a smile she had never seen before. A smile that gave her chills.
'What...'
"... Mm, I see, so in the end you really do have a bit of a kid side, huh..."
And instead of agreeing with Liu, he provoked her even more.
'... tch, I know what you're up to... Mimie always did that, I'm used to it by now...'
Which didn't really work.
"I'm not going to fall for that. I'm not an idiot."
She turned her head to the side in a sulky manner, watching Lumian's reaction out of the corner of her eye — his smile had softened.
"Alright, alright, madaame~... So shall I explain why the Form will be able to learn things?"
Even though his smile had softened, his mischievousness hadn't gone away. He put enormous emphasis on the word "madaame" and immediately changed the subject, putting Liu in an impossible position.
"Do.. tch..."
'... ffuuu breathe, there's no point in getting angry...'
Even though she said she wasn't falling for it, words and reality are often different things.
"... explain it to me."
She said it in a small, strange voice. The information she couldn't even remember why she had been waiting for still managed to win out over her anger.
Lumian stopped smiling and took on a more neutral expression as he began to explain.
"It's simple — the Form absorbed your grandparents, so it gained the ability to speak, hear, think... even if it's not yet well-balanced, it genuinely possesses the abilities of what it has absorbed."
'... mhmh...'
That explanation wasn't very surprising — it was simply straightforward. Liu nodded as Lumian continued.
"I haven't fully figured out how it works yet, but... it didn't really absorb your grandparents' memories... otherwise it would have already spoken to you or something like that. We need to keep running tests to understand it as much as possible, so that you won't have any problems with it anymore, and..."
He didn't finish his sentence. Doing exactly what he had stated — choosing his words with care.
'... yeah, that makes sense actually... why did I ask that question again?... no wait, what was my question even?...'
"Alright, and tomorrow... what exactly will we try?"
Without any real curiosity, Liu asked the question while beginning to lose herself in her thoughts again, her eyes fixed on the chevarbre.
'... he said I could pet it tomorrow... but what's its name?... does it have a name?...'
"I don't know, we'll see in the moment."
Liu nodded without paying attention to Lumian's answer, watching the chevarbre's mane and strange ears.
'... speaking of which, don't you normally need to hold the reins to steer the carriage?...'
"What's his name? And... don't you need to steer him with the reins? They taught us that at school."
She asked the questions she had to ask, still feeling just as at ease here, at the front of the carriage.
"Well... Patrick can very well steer himself — he's not stupid either... there's only one road to follow, so there's no need to keep the reins in your hands at all times."
Hearing that, Liu looked for the first time at the ropes attached to... Patrick, all the way up to the reins.
'... he really does call everything Patrick...'
She grabbed them out of curiosity and tried to pull gently to one side. But she got no reaction.
'... it's not working?...'
"You have to pull harder, but... let's not do that now. If you want, you can try at another time... The pizza should be ready by now, we need to go back inside."
Liu wanted to try pulling harder but Lumian stood up, and a hand passed through him to grab the reins.
"What!?"
That made Liu jump, immediately letting go of the reins, her heart pounding.
"It's just my physical projection, don't worry."
Lumian reassured her as he opened the door leading to the entrance hall, which had a good effect on Liu.
'... I was so scared!...'
She followed him quickly, not wanting to stay alone with the projection.
"Don't forget your shoes. And... go get Patrick while I take out the pizza."
Lumian didn't look back at Liu, but he spoke to her nonetheless, giving her instructions.
'... right, the shoes...'
And, without even realizing it, Liu followed his instructions. Not even noticing that he had once again called Milo Patrick, the same way he did with the chevarbre.
'... this time, I'll get to see the inside of his room...'
She took off her shoes and headed directly toward Milo's room to let him know that dinner was ready.
...
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Being aware of many things. It means many things.
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