ROOOOOOOAAAR!
The deafening, blood-curdling shriek ripped through the air, shaking the very dirt beneath my feet.
Just inches from my face—separated by absolutely nothing but empty air—was a massive, terrifying wall of muscle, matted black fur, and crimson eyes. It looked like a hyper-realistic werewolf that had spent the last decade doing nothing but heavy squats and eating raw titanium. Its jaw snapped, strings of acidic saliva flying from its jagged tusks, aiming straight for my throat.
CLANG!
A brilliant, echoing chime vibrated through the clearing as the beast's massive claws slammed into an invisible wall. The air rippled, fracturing into a beautiful, glowing grid of emerald-green geometric hex-patterns. The monster bounced off the barrier, howling in pure frustration as the magical shield hummed with ancient, digital-looking code.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The scream ripped from my throat as I lost my footing entirely, my heavy frame collapsing backward into the dirt. My arms flailed wildly, aggressively swatting at the air like a panicked turtle flipped onto its shell.
Around me was a pristine, breathtakingly beautiful garden filled with glowing, impossible-looking magical plants that looked like they belonged in a high-budget fantasy anime. Behind me sat a cozy, beautifully crafted log cabin that literally radiated ancient, mystical safety. And right in front of me was a multi-story demon wolf trying to break through a glowing green shield to turn me into a human snack.
Record scratch.
Freeze frame.
Okay, let's pause right here.
I am currently sprawled out in the dirt of an otherworldly backyard, my face locked in an expression of pure, unadulterated cowardice, sweating profusely through my shirt, while a literal nightmare beast tries to shatter the glass between us.
I know exactly what you're thinking.
'What the hell is going on? Did I skip a chapter? I thought this guy was a normal high schooler, why is he playing Monster Hunter with a invisible barrier spell?'
Trust me, I am just as confused and terrified as you are. But to understand how I ended up screaming my lungs out inside a literal cheat-skill safe zone, we need to rewind a bit. We need to go back to earlier tonight.
Let's go back to the moment my miserable, ordinary life completely went off the rails.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
The shrill, piercing ring of the final bell didn't just signal the end of the school day but the start of the single most anticipated event in a high schooler's life: summer vacation.
Almost immediately, the heavy wooden doors of Kuoh Academy's classrooms slid open in unison, spilling a tidal wave of students into the pristine, over-polished corridors. The air instantly filled with the chaotic, overlapping chatter of teenagers planning beach trips and summer festivals.
And if this truly were an anime—which, given the physics-defying hair colors and the sheer volume of dramatic sighing occurring within a ten-foot radius, it undeniably was—there would be a spotlight shining down on the second-floor corridor right now.
Walking down the center of the hallway was Kiba Yuuto. The Prince of Kuoh Academy.
He moved with the effortless grace of a runway model. His blonde hair caught the golden afternoon sunlight, creating a literal, visible sparkle effect that seemed to trail behind him, followed by a heavily armed battalion of giggling female students.
Kiba turned, stopping in the middle of the corridor to offer them a smile so perfectly measured and agonizingly handsome that at least three girls in the back row audibly gasped.
"Thank you all so much for the wonderful invitations," Kiba said, his voice smooth velvet dipped in honey. "But I'm afraid I already have prior commitments with the Occult Research Club this summer. Please, enjoy the break for me, alright?"
It was a rejection, kind and simple. But it was delivered with such devastating grace that the girls seemed almost honored. Kiba turned back around to face forward, his polite smile faltering just a fraction of an inch into a look of mild, hidden exhaustion. He was so mentally drained by the endless barrage of affection that he simply wasn't paying attention to the blind corner approaching him.
THUD.
It wasn't a cute, romantic collision. There was no accidental chest-grab, and absolutely no romantic eye contact. It was the heavy flop sound of a wet sack of flour.
The impact wasn't nearly enough to knock the athletic blonde knight off his feet, but it was more than enough to send the person he had walked into tumbling backward with a heavy, ungraceful yelp.
Books, loose papers, and a dented plastic bento box scattered across the polished linoleum floor with a sharp clatter. The lid of the bento box popped off, spilling a sad, pathetic pile of overcooked white rice and a single, lonely pickled plum onto the pristine floor.
The squealing of the fan club stopped instantly. The temperature in the hallway seemed to drop ten degrees.
"Ew," a girl in the front row whispered, not bothering to lower her voice.
"Gross, he got his sweat on Kiba-kun's uniform pants," another muttered, her face twisting into pure disgust. "Look at him. He's so greasy. Why doesn't he look where he's going? God, he's so ugly..."
Kiba flinched the moment she said ' god' and immediately looked uncomfortable right after. He took a quick step forward, reaching a perfectly manicured hand out to the boy on the floor. "Ah, I am so sorry. That was entirely my fault. Are you all right? Let me help you with that."
The boy on the floor scrambled backward like a frightened, cornered crab. His face flushed a deep, blotchy, radioactive shade of red that only served to highlight the severe acne scarring on his cheeks. He was heavy-set—morbidly so by the standards of this unnaturally attractive school—his uniform clinging uncomfortably to the rolls of his stomach, the collar of his white dress shirt already stained yellow with nervous sweat.
"N-No! It's—it's my f-fault!" the boy stuttered, frantically gathering his scattered belongings. "S-Sorry. I'm sorry! Please excuse me!"
Without ever looking the school prince in the eye, the boy scooped up his ruined bento box, hugged his crumpled papers tightly to his chest, and waddled past the group as fast as his heavy legs could carry him.
Alright, time for another pause.
You see that fat guy? The one currently waddling down the stairs, dripping sweat, looking exactly like the pathetic young antagonist of a really messed-up NTR doujin?
Yeah. That's me.
Let's get the formal introductions out of the way before things get any more depressing. My name is Ard Voldigoad.
Go ahead, laugh. Get it out of your system. Yes, I know. My name sounds exactly like a certain ridiculously overpowered, arrogant Demon King of Tyranny from a very famous light novel series back on Earth. When I first learned my name in this life, I honestly thought I had hit the jackpot.
Spoiler alert for my tragic existence: I don't have universe-destroying eyes. My only real superpower is the ability to sweat through a white dress shirt in under ten minutes flat. I am not powerful. You see, this isn't my first go-around at life. I'm a reincarnate.
In my past life, I was a total nobody running on three hours of sleep and cheap convenience store coffee. Then, Truck-kun came to punch my ticket when I shoved a little girl out of the way of a speeding delivery truck.
When I woke up in a new body, I thought this was my karmic reward. Instead, the universe decided to play a massive, cosmic prank on me. My parents in this new life? Total deadbeats. The moment I turned sixteen, they packed their bags and skipped town, leaving me a massive mountain of debt from some very shady loan sharks and the deed to a failing, dilapidated diner on the edge of town.
As for powers? Non-existent. I tried meditating, breathing exercises, screaming power-up phrases. Nothing.
But for a little while, I thought, 'Hey, at least the world seems normal.' Then I got my high school acceptance letter to Kuoh Academy.
High School DxD. A world overflowing with ridiculously hot anime girls. I figured I would try to convince Rias Gremory or Sona Sitri to reincarnate me as their servant. Then I looked in the bathroom mirror. I'm fat, ugly, and have zero latent magic. Devils are practical creatures; they only reincarnate those with high potential. So, I scrapped that idea immediately. Better to stay human, stay completely under the radar. Instead I decided to work on my own body but the problem was that I was ripe with diseases like Asthma and growth hormone deficiency which caused my overwheightness despite not eating enough. I couldn't go for jugs without a puffer and I could barely afford puffers. I didn't eat enough to fill up a child but I still gained weight. And I had a terrible case of Acne since I was around 14.
And what's worse, I quickly discovered that this world wasn't just High School DxD.
On the very first day of homeroom, I sat at my desk. Two rows ahead of me was Issei Hyoudou. Expected. But sitting next to him? Yuuki Rito from To Love-Ru. Then the door slid open, and in walked Tomoki Sakurai from Heaven's Lost Property, followed by Raku Ichijou from Nisekoi, and sitting quietly by the window was Yuki Nonaka from The Testament of Sister New Devil.
I was attending the epicenter of harem protagonists where a simple sneeze could trigger a fanservice sequence that destroyed half the building. Oh, and let's not forget that according to the news, the neighboring towns were crawling with vampires and Yokai which I can only assume are from Rosario+Vampire if the pink haired girl from my junior high named Moka was anything to go by, weird demon outbreaks from Strike the Blood yes you heard it right demon outbreaks, and rumors of magical girls fighting monsters like Is this a Zombie? I know this from a few clips I watched on this worlds version of youtube..
Which brings us back to tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of my dusty, cramped apartment above the empty diner. The sun had long since set, and the room was pitch black save for the faint glow of the streetlights outside.
GROOOOOWL~
My stomach let out a roar so violent it actually vibrated through the floorboards. I clutched my gut, wincing. I was completely, utterly starving. My wallet was so empty it practically had cobwebs in it and a fly slowly coming out. I hadn't eaten a solid meal in two days, and there wasn't even a stray grain of rice left in the kitchen downstairs. I was genuinely contemplating whether boiling cardboard with a little salt would kill me.
"Are you serious..." I groaned, staring blankly at the ceiling. "Starving to death in a world full of literal gods and monsters. What a legendary way to go."
BAM!
I jumped, my heart leaping straight into my throat.
A heavy, violent tremor shook the apartment. It didn't come from downstairs, and it wasn't an earthquake.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
It was coming from my bedroom closet.
The wooden door of the closet was rattling so violently against its frame that dust was raining down from the ceiling. The hinges groaned, screeching under an immense structural pressure, as if something massive was trying to forcefully tear its way into my room from the inside.
My blood ran completely cold. Loan sharks? A stray devil? A stray vampire from the next city over?!
Panic surging through my veins, I scrambled across the tatami mats, my thick fingers wrapping around the handle of a heavy, dented cast-iron skillet I had left by the small hotplate. Holding the pan up like a shield, sweat dripping down my acne-scarred cheeks, I approached the closet slowly.
BAM!
The wood literally splintered down the center.
"Look, if you're a debt collector, I don't have the money! So don't bother sneak attacking, just finish the job!" I shrieked, my voice cracking comically in the dark. "And if you're a monster, I taste terrible! I'm mostly trans fats and anxiety! So shame on you!"
The banging stopped. The silence that followed was suffocating.
Steeling whatever pathetic amount of courage I had left, I stepped forward, grabbed the rattling brass doorknob, and yanked the closet door wide open, swinging the cast-iron skillet with a terrified yell.
"REEEEEAAAHHH—"
My voice died in my throat. The skillet froze mid-air.
I wasn't looking at my hanging uniform shirts or a terrifying monster.
The closet didn't have a back wall anymore. Instead, the doorway opened directly up into a warm, beautifully illuminated, pristine room made entirely of polished cedar logs. The air that washed over my face wasn't the musty, dusty scent of my apartment; it smelled of fresh pine, old paper, and a rich, indescribable aura of pure safety.
I blinked, rubbing my eyes. I poked my head through the closet frame, stepping carefully over the threshold.
The interior was magnificent. Mounted elegantly along the far wall were several weapons that radiated an intense, visible pressure: a flawless, impossibly sharp longsword, an ornate spear, a fearsome scythe, and an invisible, shimmering bow.
The moment both of my feet planted firmly onto the polished wooden floorboards of the cabin, a sharp, searing heat ignited around my left wrist.
"Ah! Hot, hot, hot!" I yelped, dropping the skillet as I clutched my arm.
A sleek, ethereal silver-and-emerald bracer began to materialize out of thin air, fastening itself tightly around my wrist. It hummed with a soft, melodic chime, sending elegant, crystalline green lines upward along my forearm like a geometric matrix pattern.
PING!
A crisp, glowing blue-and-green holographic RPG screen snapped into existence directly in front of my eyes.
[System Initialization Complete. Innovate Clear Has Awakened.]
[User:] Ard Voldigoad
[Class:] Host of Genesis
[Notice:] The host's intense core desires and genetic structure have fundamentally altered the standard evolution of the Longinus-class Sacred Gear.
[Current State:] Activated 'Multiversal Tether'. Anchored location established: The Sage's Cabin.
I stared at the floating screen, my jaw unhinging. "A... A System? A Longinus?! Wait, Innovate Clear?! Isn't that the pocket-dimension one?!"
Another text box flashed into view.
[Notice:] Localized RPG interface generated. The host now possesses absolute compatibility with the Sage's domain. Your stomach is currently operating at 2% capacity. Extreme malnutrition detected.
"You're telling me," I muttered, my stomach letting out another timely rumble. I looked around the pristine cabin. There didn't seem to be a refrigerator, but through the large windows next to the front door, I could see the faint glow of a massive, vibrant garden. Even from inside, the scent of incredibly rich, earth-grown vegetation drifted through the air.
"Food," I breathed, my survival instincts completely overriding my brain.
I sprinted toward the heavy front door of the cabin, twisted the iron ring handle, and threw it open, stepping out onto the porch into the crisp, twilight air of an entirely different universe.
And that brings us exactly back to where we started.
Because the moment my feet hit the dirt of the garden, a multi-story demon wolf with glowing red eyes charged out from the dense woods, launching itself directly at my face, only to slam violently against the emerald-hex barrier of the cabin.
CLANG!
"Alright, universe!" I screamed, scrambling backward in the dirt as the monster roared, its acidic drool sizzling against the glowing green grid lines. "I get a legendary Sacred Gear, an absolute safe zone, and a literal cheat-system, but I can't even pick a magical tomato without a dark-souls boss trying to eat my face?! Balance your damn game!"