Urvashi,
"Thor, are you asking me, on behalf of the Asgardian Council, to personally storm an Asgardian ship captured by replicators? The very same ones who somehow enhanced it, and now you want to penetrate their secrets?"
"Yes," Thor answered calmly.
- Then I'll need a cloak.
"Wait!" Isara stopped me, giving me a pointed look.
— Armor?
- No, I want to know more details.
"We hope to use large fleet forces to disable one of the replicator ships, and then, with your help, board it to study the new systems.
"We'll have to involve the Golden Legion," I made clear. "My Jaffa still don't consider women human, even though progress is evident. And this requires cooperation with the Asgardians; I barely managed to put Imotekh in his place."
— The result is important to us, and we are ready to pay for it.
— How much? Gate technology?
"Not so drastic, something much more modest," Thor clarified. "Nakdah?"
— Neutronium?
- Fine.
"Really? That's worth thinking about. However, I'll treat this like any other contract I have. Pay me the equivalent of capturing five Hat'taks, and the office will provide the prices. Just because you're an advanced civilization doesn't mean I can fleece you. I treat everyone equally, and I'm even willing to work with the Unas if they hire me. We treat all our clients equally," I said, suddenly realizing. Thor tilted his head in bewilderment, as if to say, "You've only ever fleeced us, like a true tyrant."
"And what's your pricing policy now that you have no orders? Prices should be lower, as my offer is unique."
"Thor, have you learned to bargain?" Isara asked.
— I was forced to.
"Oh, that'll be fun. Yes, the mercenary company isn't doing well right now, but on the other hand, you'll be getting highly professional mercenaries, the best in the galaxy, superbly trained, and they'll be led by an experienced commander. So you'll build my husband's flagship using our designs."
I looked at her in surprise.
"If something goes wrong, it will become a testbed for testing the technology. And once we start building, everything will be fine. This is a huge resource savings, plus it requires large shipyards, so we'll save on that too."
"Well, let's say," I agreed. "It's true that building new ships is a real headache. There's a design, and so far it looks promising, but we need some rig testing. If the Asgard do everything, it'll be easier for me. If any critical defects are discovered, it just means I've saved a lot of time and resources, and quite economically. It's kind of sad to spend that kind of resources on a single combat operation." "I can even help you with a couple of strategic operations, since you don't want to implement my plan with temporary weapons. We can use disinformation."
— How can one misinform replicators?
— Fill your computers with all sorts of junk, for example, what would an intelligent robot do if it learned that you will soon be armed with a 20-kilometer-long ship with a super-powerful axial superlaser capable of destroying any enemy ship with a single shot?
"As an engineer, you must understand the futility of building such ships, as well as synchronizing multiple reactors, not to mention developing such weapons."
"Yes, it doesn't matter what happens in reality. We can even build a hull. The important thing is that it's on the slipways and, according to the computers, is about to go into operation and destroy all the replicator space forces. They act like amoebas; for them, such things would not only be appetizing but also dangerous. So, that would make the shipyards a target. And there we could stage a pitched battle with defensive platforms, minefields, and so on. They'll attack because they're forced to. And an overly strong defense would confirm that something important is here."
"That would divert enormous resources," Thor pointed out.
"Strategic traps always require a lot of resources. It's important to balance the balance, so that the resources spent on the trap are exchanged for resources spent by the replicators. If there's a problem in an entire sector of space, the replicators can be eliminated with orbital bombardment or railgun bombardment. Robots can be tricked, and even should be. Your computers contain a lot of information; they're capturing it. But what if only an Asgardian knows which information is true and which is false?"
- They can confirm the information.
"They can, but it will cost resources. I can even provide my own disinformation department, if needed. For a fee."
- I will discuss this with the Council.
"More tactics, more strategies. War is the art of deception, especially when your opponents are high-tech idiots who simply want to absorb everything they see and have all the technology. Even if you invent these technologies, even if they can't be physically produced, the replicators will pounce on them, and you'll crush them like cockroaches, even though they're shaped like spiders. You need to be decisive and creative."
"A few more of these self-praises and he'll offer to hire the Council as Supreme Commander," Isara said to Thor. "Would you like to discuss the price?"
"Are you willing to rent it out?" Thor asked.
"Well... it depends on the price. I still need it... But if we negotiate, for example, on the Gate..."
- Hey, I'm worth more than the Gate.
- Yes, we can think about it.
That's how I found myself on Thor's ship, preparing for battle. Two thousand Golden Legionnaires were stationed on the ship, and the amount of ammunition was simply abnormal. They mostly used shotguns, and I managed to scrounge up portable stations where I could print weapons. Of course, not forever. On the other hand, in such conditions, you can fight a battle of attrition. A quick and decisive capture—there's nothing better, especially when all my forces specialize in this type of warfare. Of course, they can defend themselves, but only if it really mattered. They completed the task. If they couldn't, they retreated. I myself went on a similar operation because, to some extent, I was genuinely bored, and for that reason I was willing to risk my life.
The Beleskiner was a fairly large ship, but it didn't meet my standards, which dictated a ship with a ton of guns. It was rather modest, but the power of its weapons was impressive, very impressive, as were its shields. The Replicators had even more powerful weapons and shields, but they didn't modify the design, they didn't innovate.
Ten ships emerged from an ambush at the location of one of the replicator ships and quickly began attacking it. The ship's crew was calm and collected, firing at the enemy ship with precise, methodical precision. The enemy attempted to launch replicator-powered torpedoes, but they were immediately suppressed by railguns. The firepower was so intense it blurred the vision, and the signals coming from the allied ships were depressing. What were the replicators doing with Asgard ships anyway? Can I hand over my ships to the replicator service center, like my flagship?
— The shield has fallen!
— Full launch of landing pods. — There were no people in the pods, only ring teleporters. The Replicators don't realize they need to be blocked.
The Replicators tried to maneuver and escape, but dozens of drop pods latched onto it, and then my troops began disembarking. A group with unique weapons landed near the hyperdrive and reactor. I saw it on my own displays. They were armed with automatic shotguns—a unique Asgard invention that allowed the shotgun to fire almost like a machine gun. They also had to lug around a backpack with a belt, as it was belt-fed. Similar devices are installed on ship security drones. The Replicators were very pleased with this weapon, given its rate of fire of 500 rounds per minute, as the Asgard had no problem quickly producing ammunition.
The squad charged head-on, simply and artlessly, tearing through hundreds of Replicators, who were probably in shock at being boarded. Three men abreast could run through the Asgard corridors. And so they did, showering everything with pellets, sweeping Replicators out of their way. As soon as they arrived in the reactor compartment, they encountered numerous Replicators. They were using the main power lines to reproduce. So the combat squad found themselves right in the heart of the Replicators, who weren't happy to see them. The Asgard, though a strange, high-tech people, had a manual reactor shutdown system, because—"You never know." So one of the soldiers activated these emergency systems, then retreated under overwhelming odds.
Meanwhile, the unit sent to the engines blew up those very engines. The ship turned into an uncontrollable pile of junk, which was immediately picked up by ten Beleskiners to keep it from crashing. After that, more and more of my Golden Legionnaires rushed into battle. I kept an eye on them, giving the necessary commands. I wanted to take the shots myself, but here I was also useful as a tactician, ensuring the survival of my people. I didn't particularly trust the Asgard in terms of military strategy, because I didn't understand how they thought. Things would have been much simpler with the Goa'uld or the humans. I'm a classic example of someone who has learned from both.
"The scanners show five replicator reinforcements," Thor said.
"They're so restless," I tell him irritably. "Maybe we should use special weapons?"
"We'll try." Thor was talking about something I made especially for them, and they're still in shock. The thing is, I converted the battery into a bomb. Anubis charged the gate with energy and wanted to detonate it with a yield of several teratons. Well, such feats can be repeated. Essentially, the gate is a huge battery, and if you charge the accumulators and then initiate the detonation, you can use it. The Asgard will owe me. Another thing is that defense against such a weapon is very simple – an anti-aircraft missile. And then there's the conflict between SIGINT and EW systems. The Goa'uld, having quickly recognized the threat, will neutralize it. And the replicators – even more so.
Five ships emerged from hyperspace, and a small ship headed for a ram at maximum speed. The Replicators had reinforced their shields, but they didn't understand the threat posed by a lone ship. I saw a drone crash into the shield, the fuse systems of a literally planet-destroying weapon were activated, and an explosion occurred. A solid fireball, a hundred kilometers in diameter, engulfed the enemy Whiteskinners emerging from hyperspace.
If only it had been made not with a large radius, but a cumulative jet – maybe I'd disappoint the Ori. But we weren't so lucky: only three enemy ships were destroyed, and the rest were confused. And then seven Asgard ships rushed forward, wanting to finish off the ships with damaged shields. Destroy them and achieve a major victory.
Three ships guarded the ship being boarded, but the seven ships quickly split into two squadrons—four and three ships, respectively—and began to fire at the weakened ships. They attempted to maneuver and escape, but few ships can quickly jump into hyperspace after exiting.
– We could have captured a couple more ships.
Thor looks at me with a surprised look.
"The Golden Legion is an elite force, symbionts who have perfect control over their bodies to destroy any enemy. Three hundred people are enough to conquer a Goa'uld planet with ten thousand Jaffa. There are two thousand of them here, two thousand for every one poor ship and poor replicators. If they hesitate, it means they lack training."
Meanwhile, blurry spots flickered across the screens: the guards were moving at high speed, and everything was flickering in a way that only a developed and accustomed mind could cope with. Konstantin became too brazen and kicked a replicator so hard that it crashed into another oversized spider mid-flight, after which dozens of shots simply shattered them. The speed of movement was simply abnormal—the replicators simply couldn't react in time. No, they were a swarm supercomputer, but their platforms were rather slow, preventing them from realizing their full potential. Asgardian automatic shotguns are a truly terrifying thing.
They understood the basic concept and are now implementing it to the fullest. Hundreds of pellets disrupted the connection between the blocks. The locusts ran straight into the fire; in some corridors of the blocks, there were so many that they simply littered the entire floor. The only thing more terrifying were the shotgun-machine guns, which fired in a wide cone, preventing anything from getting close to the fighters who were contributing to the defense. More weapons were synthesized in safe areas.
Meanwhile, the Asgardian fleet, after a brief battle, simply blew up the two remaining replicator ships. Twenty minutes later, the last replicator (of those detected) fell. Sonic sensors were placed throughout the ship to detect the sound of a replicator hitting the floor, so they could be identified and destroyed. Asgardian specialists were tasked with determining what the replicators had done to their ships; my Golden Legion was guarding them. A rather surreal experience.
"So, we've accomplished everything we planned. I completed the entire order, even exceeding it, using my experimental weaponry, so I expect the same from you. And I'd like to receive a hundred Staffs of Light and antigravity backpacks for the work you've done."
"We will build your flagship and give your troops a reason to become even more deadly. And may the galaxy forgive us for such a crime."
"Don't be a pessimist, Thor. Imagine me, at the head of a hundred of my warriors, descending directly on the enemy's head and beginning a massacre in which no one survives."
"That's pretty much what I imagined," Thor pointed out.
"So why should it be terrible? I mostly fight the Goa'uld."
- We don't like bloodshed, and you are quite bloodthirsty.
"Really? I'm not that bad. I only fight military personnel and only attack military targets. So why do I have such a fearsome reputation?"
- You impaled thousands of Ashen.
"And where are my medals? But this will be imprinted in the minds of the survivors, and you didn't even mind. No one was against it, absolutely no one. Even the Nox wouldn't have been against it."
"They would be against it only because of the philosophy they adhere to," Thor disagreed.
- This is hyperbole.
– Not good at literature.
"Have you read the stories about Thor on Earth? You fucked so many girls there that you became a fertility god."
The Asgardian blinked twice.
- I have nothing to do with this.
"Of course I believe you," he told him bluntly, giving him a pointed look, implying that he had neither primary nor secondary sexual organs. He seemed offended. "So, Thor, is there anyone else I can't capture, blow up, or, at the very least, some engineering problem?"
"Do what you call MNT. It'll keep you busy for a couple hundred thousand years," Thor said.
- Are you suggesting that I work on a weapon that destroys systems?
- What?
– The MNT is an energy source that contains a local microuniverse; if it were to detonate, half the solar system could be destroyed.
- It is a source of energy.
– An atomic bomb and a nuclear reactor are two sides of the same coin.
Thor muttered some obscenities.
"Listen, I've got some ideas." I used a photo of a Soviet anti-aircraft gunner at a composite anti-aircraft mount consisting of six Maxim anti-aircraft guns. "Do the same thing, but with pellets."
– Sometimes I feel sorry for the replicators.
"There's no need to pity them, they need to be exterminated, and then the last one locked up and tortured long and methodically, until he realizes the futility of his existence. That's what fate must be. Unfortunately, they can't be impaled and executed. We'll just have to shoot them, leaving only their replicator blocks."
- You are too cruel.
"Yeah, I guess it's just boredom. What will happen when I conquer the galaxy? Thor, you'll give me a mirror later, right?"
- No, by doing so I will protect the entire multiverse from you.
- It's too late. Scarlet Witch is somewhere out there.
- What?
- Nothing.
We went together to take a quick look at my new, unique arsenal. The Asgard made me a couple of weapons as a small bonus. In particular, I finally got a true Necron weapon – a gauss weapon. True, it's more of a teleporter, breaking down its target molecule by molecule and feeding on that energy to sustain itself. It's a terrifying and highly accurate weapon. For example, it can be tuned only to living matter and not destroy everything around it.
The Asgard are terrified of this weapon, but I'm delighted. There are a few unique plasma cannons, laser weapons, vibroweapons, and many other interesting things. I was simply interested in building custom weapons, so I used the Asgard for this. There's a special cloak that generates a constant shield emitter, allowing you to block incoming fire. However, the shield only extends to the cloak. When I mentioned that this was possible, they looked at me strangely again, citing the fact that at least my back would be protected. My new armor was a separate item.
Basically, it was a repeat of the previous one, making me look like a two-meter-tall skeleton, very pompous and eager to rip your head off. The Asgard reinforced the armor, redistributed some defense systems, and made many other minor improvements. For example, now, thanks to miniature gravity generators in the gloves, my blow can be multiplied several times, without me feeling any reaction from the wall itself. Seriously, I punched a wall of trinium and felt nothing. The force of the blow can be regulated using a neural interface. The Asgard don't fight in close combat and don't understand how much fun it is to punch someone in the face in close combat, especially when that face flies twenty meters.
"Well, Thor, I'll teach you how to think properly. Let me teach you how to make weapons out of everyday objects."
– I don't think it's right to turn everything into a weapon.
- So, how do you think about making weapons out of ceramics?
Thor sighed.