"You packed everything?" Mom asked for the fifth time as I stood by the doorway and I rolled my eyes, even though I was grinning.
I stood in a hazel brown polo neck and knee length jeans, with dark brown and white shoes. My hair was tied in a pony tail, to insinuate my still thin frame and make my eyes pop out more. My body was more filled than before, days of heavy indulgence with food had helped alot, and I could almost fill my clothes again.
Almost.
Today was my first day back at school, the school had been nice enough to offer me two weeks of leave after what happened. This whole time Mom had been getting my schoolwork before going to work, and bringing it home. I still had a week to use up if I wanted, but I'd decided last night after seeing Mom in my room for the twelfth time because of my nightmares that I couldn't spend all day at home.
I needed to erase what I'd seen from my mind, and school could numb the mind better than almost anything. Sure, I'd be pretty bummed without Lucas there, but I had minor acquaintances who'd keep me company. Besides, Mom calling every hour by the hour was getting tough to deal with, this was not normalcy, I'd been lying to myself.
"Yes Mom." I had packed everything, which was mainly extra food even though we had a cafeteria and vending machines existed. Telling my mother that was pointless though, since getting me back in shape was one of her main missions so far.
"Okay, then, I guess, you can, and should, probably, maybe-"
"Mom stop stalling, we talked about this. I'm going to school. Okay?" I folded my arms and she sighed.
"Alright, out you go. Don't forget to call when you can and the school will tell me if something happens." She opened the door for me and I left, going out into the world once again.
"Remember to call!" Mom's voice echoed from the porch as I walked on, after two blocks and turning a curb, I arrived at the bus stop.
Normally I wouldn't take the bus, me and Lucas preferred the easy race walking to school but although my weight was returning my stamina wasn't at its peak yet. So, my rump landed itself on the bench and I proceeded to wait for transportation.
"Bans!"
Glob!
Icy cold terror seized my soul as that word reached my ear and my reflexes made me move away from its source.
"No!" I shouted in panic and closed my eyes.
"Oh my! Are you okay Sarah?" A female voice spoke up and I opened my eyes to see a young woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes, with a toddler strapped to her chest.
"Mrs Wilson?" I quickly got up," Good morning, how are you?"
"I'm okay, but are you?" Her eyes were mildly worried," You looked like you'd seen a ghost there."
"Oh, that was just me... practicing for drama club, I'm thinking of joining," I lied awkwardly.
"Okay, if you say so." She gave a reluctant smile," I heard what happened to you and your friend, so sad. I hope he gets better."
"Thank you, me too."
"Bans! Buns!" The toddler shouted excitedly and pointed to the approaching school bus.
"That's right Edwin, a bus, good boy." She stroked the toddler's cheeks affectionately.
The kid? I thought indignantly, Glob darn it, I almost had a panic attack over a kid in diapers.
"Goodbye Mrs Wilson, have a good morning." I quickly said, without waiting for a reply, as I rushed into the bus and away from my embarassment.
I found a seat for myself, and settled in with a frustrated groan, barely had I been back outside and I'd panicked over a toddler's poor speech. Glob this was a new level of humiliation that I hadn't known I could drop to, a Sarah spectacular indeed.
"Lucas," I said softly," What... am I going to do?"
"Hey, aren't you that girl who did drugs and almost died?" A girl two seats over asked me and I was momentarily confused.
Drugs?
Then I remembered the conversation I'd had with Cindy at the hospital and my eyes drew into a frown. That bitter icy girl actually spread a rumour that I was doing drugs?
Seriously?
"No, I didn't do drugs. I just had an accident." I replied sourly.
"It's okay, I know users don't like admitting stuff like this. It's cool." She gave a shrug and sat back down, then started to gossip about the 'drugs' I'd probably used.
I paused for a moment, feeling a bit surprised, then rage rose up, and before I knew it I was right next to her.
"So, you're asking your friend what drugs I overdosed with? Right after I said I didn't use drugs? Like seriously?"
"Umm, this is a private conversation, if you don't mind." She said awkwardly and I smiled coldly.
"It's about me, so privacy can take a hike." I lowered myself and looked into her eyes, deeper than anyone could," You're a sad girl, who's dad is drinking himself into a stupor most nights and you use anything to hide from your grief. You think he'll die if he drinks more, and you're right, he will, and when you grow up, you'll be an alcoholic just like him."
The space around us grew silent, my harsh pitiless words echoed in the air and tattooed themselves fresh in everyone's ears.
The girl who'd I'd just verbally humiliated looked at me with shock, fear and pain.
After a moment, I got up and went back to my seat, then turned my gaze out the window.
I shook my head as my rage vanished, shock and disbelief imploding in my heart.
What the heck did I just say? I thought in horror, the words had just flowed out of me without warning. I'd never said anything so vicious before in my life, even to people like Cindy and I'd met a few nasty types too.
"Damn, that was savage!" A guy shouted and laughter started playing around.
I knew what was coming next and reached into my pocket, wore my earbuds and played a loud song. A couple of people came over to talk to me, but my blatant disregard for their presence made them eventually leave.
When school arrived in sight, I almost screamed with glee, but that's when I saw something that made my heart stop.
For a split second, I saw a figure on the roof of the building, a shadowy visage that made my mind quiver with restrained memories. However just as quickly, the figure was gone in the blink of an eye and all that was there were crows.
It couldn't be, I reassured myself, there's no way. It was all a dream, a nasty horrible dream, just forget it.
I couldn't keep dragging myself down with crazy stuff.
I had a life to live, and I'd live it like I always had.
Because I was still me.
It wasn't real!
A girl bumped my shoulder as I got off the bus, and ran without saying anything. I looked at the silhouette and realised it was the girl I'd humiliated in the bus.
Maybe I was a bit different, I thought fleetingly.
...
I walked down the corridor, feeling self conscious for the first time in a long time. Taking a deep breath, I tried to feel my usual self and went to my locker to get my books for class.
"Hey, Sarah, you're back." A black haired teen girl walked up to me, she was wearing a purple Tshirt and black trousers.
"Oh, hey Samantha." I smiled kindly at her.
"Dang I heard about the overdosing and I was totes not on board, I mean Spectacular Sarah taking meth? No dice. Lucas either, he so doesn't roll like that." She gave me a hard look," Dang, you're skinny like a rubber chicken."
This was Samantha Greybull, she was a young opinionated woman who loved music, night life, saving the planet and undead horror flicks. Me and Lucas often chatted with her sometimes but usually she'd be with her gang of punk mates. Lucas was an Emo so he understood her more than I did, and her mates.
"Hey babe, you hear the wiza!" A male punk appeared and put his arm on Samantha's shoulder. He was wearing a black vest, wrist bands for various NGOs and shiny grey pants.
This was Ezekiel, known as Ezek, Samantha's boyfriend and , I realised with a start, the guy who had called out after I lashed out in the bus.
"What happened?" Samantha asked him and he looked at me.
"Spectacular here totally went savage on this chick on the bus, I mean cut deep, ripped heart out savage. It was freakin phenomenal." He thumbed up me and I sighed sadly.
"I really didn't mean to do that, it was just... I don't know." I replied quietly.
"No ways, I gotta see it. Tell me you recorded it." Samantha smiled excitedly.
"Clipped and made for my baby." Ezek smirked as he pulled out his phone and showed a video of the incident.
"Don't look." I begged her.
"Totally check it out. This is savagely fresh." Ezek showed me the screen and I viewed myself tearing the girl from earlier down, and I got to see the look on my face.
"Wait, what?" I took the phone and ignored Ezek for a moment, because I'd caught something in the video.
In the video as I got up, my skin grew a bit paler and so did my hair, not noticable to most but as someone who constantly looked at the mirror to check myself out, I knew the hue of my body in almost any lighting. The thing that truly caught my attention though, was the colour of my eyes.
They were grey.
My eyes were supposed to be brown!
"Yo, can I get my phone back now?" Ezek asked and I handed it to him, my mind struggling to understand what it was I just saw.
"Hey, Sarah since Lucas is still out for the count, wanna hang at lunch?" Samantha asked and I nodded my head as I took my books out of my locker.
"Cool, see yah. Yo babe, wanna see the video again?" Ezek asked her, I didn't even hear it as I'd already left.
My mind was moving my body as I tried hard to understand what I'd seen in the video. My body had lost saturation in real time and my eyes had changed colour somehow.
What was going on? Was it an edit on the video or something?
Yeah, I reassured myself, that had to be it.
Just Ezek editing it to fit his vibe, that's all it was, nothing more. My calm returned gradually and feeling returned back to my body, just in time for history class too.
I took my seat and put down my books, raising my head to the board where the teacher had begun the lesson. With my pen in hand and my eyes sharp, I vowed to focus and not be sidetracked by anything. This was my senior year and I had to be serious, for Lucas, for myself and my future.
Come on Sarah, I motivated myself, you can do this.
Ten minutes later, I was almost asleep on my chair, my eyes felt like they weighed a ton and my brain was demanding a time out.
Five minutes, a tempting little voice whispered in my head, just a little rest, this class is boring anyway. My eyelids started to drop, my will crumbling with each word that the teacher spoke, driving me into sleeps sweet embrace.
Sorry Sarah, I told myself with a yawn, but this is just, so boring.
My head rested in the palm of my hand as I surrendered myself to sleep and freed myself from the binds of a necessary education. I'd try to focus next time I told myself as I got mentally comfortable.
"Where are you Bans?"
My eyes opened with a jolt , sleep vanishing like vapor on a fire and I recoiled in my seat, utter terror flooding my veins.
That wasn't the voice of temptation for sleep!
"Miss Bucklehim do pay attention." The teacher's voice got my notice and I awkwardly nodded my head.
The grip on my pen was tight as I tried to ignore what I'd heard, clinging to my tenuous control.
But it was a voice, I thought fearfully, clear and concise in my head.
No, I shook my head, it wasn't real. Just a figment of my imagination because of the nightmares. It's just the dreams, only that and nothing else.
I can't, I won't let my thoughts get the best of me.
"Bans please, where are you?"
"Oh my Glob!" I shouted in panic and all eyes in the class turned to me.
"Miss Bucklehim is everything alright?" The teacher asked and my mouth opened to answer.
"Bans, please."
"I-i need to go to the restroom please." I asked in a quivering voice.
"Uh, okay. Should I call the school nurse?" The teacher asked and I shook my head.
"No, please can I go?"
I desperately needed to get out of there!
"Alright, here's a hall pass." Barely had he finished talking that I snatched it from his hand and rushed out, mumbling a quick 'thank you'.
I shut the door behind me and rushed to the wall, holding on with one hand to steady myself.
"This can't be happening. It can't. Please." I muttered under my breath.
"Bans, where are you? Tell me."
I ran away while shutting my eyes and covering my ears to block it out.
Block out the voice.
His voice.
When I opened my eyes, I realised my steps had led me to the restroom and I entered without thinking, desperate to get away from it somehow. A sense of terror was running under my skin, making the very air heavy and my thoughts frazzled. Two girls were leaving when I entered, I barely looked at them as I went to the sink and turned the faucet on.
My hands held the cool water and I splashed my face, the moist liquid making my nerves respond and pull myself together.
"Calm down, it's okay. It's not real. You're not crazy." My breathing was deep and slow as I reassured myself again and again on the unrealistic nature of my fears.
There was no darkness.
No drowning shadow.
All of it was fake, unreal, just a dream.
"It's not real." I told myself and gave a deep sigh, feeling steadier.
"Bans... I found you."
Gasp!
...
Sweat formed on my forehead as I felt the temperature drop and own pulse quicken like lightning. The air grew heavy, tough to breathe and my breaths grew deeper and harder, as if my lungs were trying to suck in the calm I'd almost acquired.
Almost.
"Bans."
My head shot up at the voice, and I looked at the mirror and saw the reflection.
I saw myself standing before the sink, my arms gripping the basin with a steel vice. My skin was wet, sweat and water merged together on my pale complexion making me seem haunted. The breaths I was taking were obvious as my chest rose and fell in harsh clarity. My eyes were wide and filled with pure unadulterated fear, like a rabbit facing the jaws of a beast.
The beast was behind me.
A young man stood behind me by the cubicle, his eyes locked onto mine with intensity. He was wearing a white shirt with an open collar, black trousers and black boots, all matching with the cloak on his shoulders.
His hair was an unrealistic silver white that a dye job would not have accomplished in a hundred years. Pale skin, immaculately pristine and without blemish like a witch's magazine image. His face was handsome, model worthy and his body looked like it was built to match his perfection.
I would have been entranced by his face, his body, his perfection... but his eyes made me know who he was instantly.
Pale yellow eyes the shade of a harvest moon, mismatched ireses, one of black and the other white. It was the most noticable thing I'd ever seen on him when we first met, even when his face was a butcher's masterpiece.
I'd tried so hard over the past week to put everything behind me, the only hindrance was my dreams of terror and death. Today had been my attempt to regain control of my life, to not let his eyes haunt my waking moments too.
Yet there he was, behind me, staring with ruthless apathy, as when wed first met.
"Bans, turn around."
That voice!
The same one that had sentenced me to death, drowning in darkness, alone in cold shadow.
I turned around, tears in my eyes, sniffling slightly as my weak legs almost gave out.
"I found you, Bans." He said softly and took a step forward, and I instinctively flinched away.
His eyes narrowed at me," You seem... scared? What of? Bans, I understand if you are angry still."
In a flash of shadow he was right infront of me, peering into my eyes and soul.
"I am and will forever regret what I did, but you know choice was something I lacked then. That night, when I was summoned, will forever be the scar upon us both, but please, refrain from hating me. I ask this as your Companion, Bans." He reached up to touch my cheek and I recoiled with a whimper.
"Please... don't. Not again. Please, don't do it," I sobbed in terror, my eyes watering," I'm sorry for whatever I did. Don't hurt me again please. Please."
"Hurt you?" He frowned at me," Bans, it is you correct?"
"My name is Sarah, I'm... I-i am Sarah Bucklehim." I replied," I don't... I don't want... I don't want to die again."
"I don't understand. Bans, what do you speak of? Die?" He gripped my chin and looked at me hard," You are my Vessel, death is but a state of our kind."
"Please...please don't kill me again." I begged him," I'm sorry... Please."
"You're not... You are not her!" His grip grew hard and my jaw felt like it was being crushed in two.
"Ah-ahhh!" I screamed in pain.
"Who are you?" He demanded with gritted teeth.
"I'm Sarah... Sarah I told you... Please let me go... Please." I begged and cried pitifully.
"Sarah? A... mortal?" He looked at me with horrendous disgust and anger," Do not deceive me! You resonate with my Codex and my essence!"
"I'm not lying... Please... Let me go... Please." I gripped his hand and tried to remove it but it was trying to pry a steel clamp.
"You... don't remember or don't know what I speak of?" He asked me harshly," Bans if this is a source of delight, I am not amused. I ask you one last time, who are you?"
"I told you I'm Sarah!" I cried out in frustration and pain.
His eyes changed at my words, the look of anger turned to confusion and consternation, then like he'd touched garbage, he released me and I fell to the floor. I moved away from him, holding my mouth, feeling it throb with agony from him almost crushing it with his hand.
"Sarah Bucklehim. The mortal girl who came asking for help looking for her Companion, Lucas." His voice was eerily calm," That's who I'm conversing with?"
I didn't answer, speaking would hurt too much and I didn't want to talk to this sadistic empty bastard.
"Sadistic empty bastard?" He tilted his head," You refer to me?"
My eyes grew wide, did he just read my mind?
"Read your mind? Yes, you could say that." He opened his hand and a black scythe appeared making me turn away and raise my arms as a shield.
"Pitiful, frail, corrupted mortal flesh." I heard his steps as he walked towards me," Why Bans? Why do you stay silent and let this mortal speak? Do you refuse to speak to me now? What if I killed her again? Slice her body to pieces and crush them to paste?"
Kill me? Again?
Again?
Those words struck a cord in me and my eyes grew blank and still, my will crumbling to dust. He'd killed me before, he'd do it again and I knew, no, I felt that this time nothing would intervene.
Nobody will save me, I realised, I'm going to die again.
A memory surfaced then, just a faded fragment from the depths of my subconscious;
A rope. A chair. Words. A hand on my shoulder, warm and kind.
"Fly Sarah, fly with me."
Gasp!
I recowith a gasp and found myself in the restroom looking at the mirror once more. The water was still running in the faucet and I quickly closed it. My hands moved and touched my forehead and skull, feeling it fine and strong, as well as my jaw.
"Hello? Are you... there?" I asked out loud.
I got no reply.
"What happened?" I looked at my reflection," I... He was here, then... I can't remember. Glob, what's happening?"
I took slow deep breaths, looking up at the dirty ceiling, with its cobwebs and cheap fluorescent light.
"Okay. It was just... no, not a dream or a nightmare." I sighed heavily and left to go to the reception office.
I had realised something right there as I looked back in the mirror, looking at the frail girl in the glass. Something I should have known but was too stubborn to admit because I wanted everything to be normal again.
The thing was that I had rushed this, my mind was too frazzled for school and I couldn't keep reassuring myself to make it better.
Every action made me nervous and I felt anxious just being here.
Coming to school after a week had been a mistake. A really huge one.
I needed time to cope, then I'd feel better.
I needed to go home and think.
As I walked, I felt a sharp sting in my palm and I opened it, only to see a thick scar from what looked like an old cut. I didn't remember ever hurting my hand to get a scar like that. I lifted my hand closer and then right before my eyes, the scar faded away as if it had never been.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finding equilibrium between my fear and my self-pity.
I needed a sweet bun badly.