Living Room, 2030
"Kids, there are moments in life when you face a truth you don't want to hear. That night at MacLaren's, Marshall was furious with Barney, and he had every right to be. But what he didn't know was that a year earlier, Barney had done something that would change his life forever."
Ted Mosby leans back in his armchair with a nostalgic smile.
"Marshall's bachelor party was a disaster. But what happened afterward, at the bar, was what truly mattered. Because that's when Lily told the secret Barney had kept for a year. And everything changed."
While Lily, Alyx, and Robin were at the apartment with Grandma Lois and the vibrator, Marshall was in Foxwoods with Ted, Barney, and the others.
The night had started badly. Barney had planned strippers, but Marshall didn't want them. Ted had organized a night of boxing, steak, and dice, but Barney couldn't resist.
"I'm sorry, Barney," Ted had said. "Marshall doesn't want strippers."
"Of course he does. He just doesn't know it. It's his inner animal fighting against his puritanical upbringing."
"He doesn't want strippers, Barney."
"Okay, okay. I promise. No strippers."
And then he'd winked.
They'd arrived at Foxwoods. The hotel room, the tickets to the fight, the reservation at the restaurant—everything was perfect.
And then Barney had called Treasure.
Treasure was a professional stripper. She wore twenty-centimeter platform heels, a sequined top, and a fog machine she'd gotten from God knows where.
"Guys," Barney had said, introducing her proudly, "I'd like you to meet Treasure."
Marshall had rolled his eyes. "Barney, I said I didn't want—"
"I know, I know. But she's special. She has a number with a hippity hop."
"A what?"
But before Marshall could protest further, Treasure had started her number. It had been impressive. And also a disaster.
Because in the middle of the number, Treasure had gotten onto a hippity hop (one of those bouncy exercise balls), and Barney, excited, had turned on the fog machine.
"Don't use the fog machine when I'm on the hippity hop," Treasure had said.
But it was too late. The fog had blinded her, she'd lost her balance, and she'd fallen.
"Ow, my ankle! I've broken my ankle!"
The Foxwoods Hospital
Now they were at the hospital. Treasure lay on a gurney with her ankle bandaged, moaning in pain. Marshall sat on a plastic chair with a "this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me" look on his face.
"I'm so sorry, Marshall," said Ted. "I don't know how this happened."
"Yes, you do," said Marshall. "Barney happened."
Barney stood in the corner, nervous, pacing back and forth. "What if she doesn't make it to the hospital? What if she dies? What if we have to bury her in the desert?"
"Barney, calm down," said Ted.
"It's my fault. I have to take responsibility. Where do you get a shovel at this hour?"
Marshall stood up. "Barney, enough."
"What?"
"You ruined my bachelor party. I said I didn't want strippers, and you did whatever you wanted. As always."
"But Marshall—"
"No buts. You're not my best friend."
Barney fell silent. Ted did too. They'd never seen Marshall so angry.
"Let's drop it," said Marshall. "Let's go back to the hotel. At least we can watch the fight."
But when they got back to the hotel, the fight was over. And the room was full of smoke because Barney had left the fog machine on. The smoke had set off the alarms. The fire department had been called. They'd been kicked out of the hotel.
"This is the worst day of my life," said Marshall, sitting on the curb with his head in his hands.
Ted sat down beside him. "I'm sorry, Marshall. Really."
"Why couldn't you do what I asked? I just wanted a normal night. Boxing, steak, dice. Nothing more."
"I know. We failed."
Barney stood a few meters away, looking at the ground. He didn't say anything. For the first time in his life, he had nothing to say.
Lily, Marshall, and Ted's Apartment – 2:00 AM
Marshall, Ted, and Barney arrived at the apartment. The lights were on. Inside, Lily, Alyx, and Robin sat on the sofa with an empty bottle of wine between them.
"How was it?" asked Marshall.
"Weird," said Lily.
"But nice," said Alyx.
"Same as mine," said Marshall bitterly.
They all sat on the sofa. Barney stood near the door, as if ready to flee.
"What happened at yours?" asked Robin.
Lily began to tell the story: the tag switching, the vibrator, Grandma Lois, Cousin Margaret, and the sewing machine.
"And your grandmother kept the vibrator?" asked Ted.
"She took it in her purse. She said it was the best gift she'd received in years."
"And Robin?" asked Marshall. "What happened to Robin?"
"Robin won my grandmother's heart. She's her favorite granddaughter now."
Robin smiled. "I have a sewing machine I don't know how to use and an adopted eighty-year-old grandmother. I think I came out ahead."
Everyone laughed, except Marshall and Barney.
"And you, Marshall," said Lily. "What happened at your bachelor party?"
Marshall let out a deep sigh. "Stripper with a broken ankle, fire in the hotel room, kicked out of the hotel. All because Barney did what he wanted, as always."
Lily looked at Barney. Barney looked down.
"Marshall, I didn't mean to—"
"It doesn't matter what you meant. I told you I didn't want strippers, and you brought them anyway. Because what you want is always more important than what anyone else wants."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is. I don't even know if I want you at my wedding anymore. When have you ever done something not for yourself? When have you ever thought of anyone other than yourself?"
Barney didn't answer. He couldn't.
Lily got up from the sofa and approached Marshall.
"Marshall," she said. "There's something you need to know."
"What?"
Lily looked at Barney.
Barney looked back at her, eyes wide, pleading.
"No," said Barney. "Lily, no. Please."
"He needs to know."
"You promised. You said you'd never tell anyone."
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Marshall's bachelor party was a disaster: stripper with a broken ankle, fire in the hotel room, kicked out of the hotel. All Barney's fault.
Do you think Marshall will forgive Barney?
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