The severed head rolled on the forest floor.
Then the cheering started.
Everyone thought the head grinned because of Guese's psychotic behavior.
Such naive humans.
The surviving Karsten knights raised their weapons.
The Iron Fang mercenaries shouted triumphantly.
Even some of the exhausted soldiers collapsed to their knees in relief.
The Archbishop of Sloth was dead.
Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti's body swayed once.
Twice.
Then toppled forward into the dirt.
The battle was over.
Everyone relaxed.
Everyone except me.
Fck!
Oh fck fck fck fck fck!
I've seen this boss fight.
I've watched this anime.
This motherfcker has a Phase Two.
My pulse immediately spiked.
Unfortunately, experience had taught me that reality tended to become extremely unpleasant whenever I ignored my paranoia.
The corpse twitched.
Maybe.
Possibly.
Or maybe I imagined it.
Didn't matter.
I wasn't taking chances.
Not with possession.
Not with soul-hopping.
Not with whatever horrifying nonsense Petelgeuse had hidden inside his employee benefits package.
My cane snapped upward.
"Shamak."
Darkness erupted over the corpse.
The smoke of Yin magic swallowed Petelgeuse's body whole.
Several nearby knights jumped.
"What are you doing!?"
"PHASE TWO!"
Nobody knew what that meant.
Including me.
The important thing was that it sounded alarming.
The instant the spell activated, I physically launched myself backward.
NIGERUNDAYO!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU LUNATIC!? I'D STAY THERE WAITING FOR YOU TO POSSESS ME?! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!!
No dignity.
No grace.
No shame.
I scrambled across the dirt like a terrified crab escaping a forest fire.
I am NOT getting possessed today.
Absolutely not.
The retirement plan does not include demonic ghost occupancy.
The dark cloud expanded.
Swirling.
Twisting.
Consuming light.
A normal Shamak wasn't particularly dangerous.
Against a soul?
I had no idea.
But sensory deprivation seemed like an excellent opening move.
If someone attempted to hijack my body, I wanted them blind first.
I pointed my aesthetic-cane toward the darkness.
"I blinded his soul!"
The cheering stopped instantly.
Every head turned toward me.
"Everyone!"
I jabbed the cane dramatically.
"IT'S A DAMN SPIRIT! Execute the containment protocol! CONTAINMENT PROTOCOL MEANS ATTACK! Liquidate him!"
The reaction was immediate.
Because by this point nobody questioned prophetic episodes.
The Prophet was screaming.
Therefore reality was malfunctioning again.
Julius moved first.
The forgotten knight stepped calmly toward the edge of the Shamak field.
The six quasi-spirits drifted around him.
Aimless.
Silent.
Lost.
Then something happened.
A violent ripple exploded through the darkness.
Julius's eyes narrowed.
One of the spirits froze.
Another immediately shot forward.
Then another.
Then another.
All six erupted into motion simultaneously.
The tiny lights became streaks.
They plunged directly into the Shamak cloud.
A horrible shriek echoed from inside.
It wasn't physical.
It wasn't audible.
It was something deeper.
Something that clawed directly against the soul.
Several nearby soldiers visibly shuddered.
Inside the darkness, the spirits attacked with terrifying aggression.
Not commanded.
Not directed.
Instinctive.
Territorial.
An intruder had entered their space.
Their response was immediate violence.
The shrieking intensified.
The lights flashed repeatedly inside the void.
Like six angry stars tearing something apart.
Poor Petelguese
Julius remained perfectly still.
Watching.
Silent.
One spirit emerged briefly.
Then immediately dove back into the darkness.
The assault never stopped.
"Containment perimeter!"
Tivey barked.
The Iron Fang moved instantly.
Mimi vaulted over a fallen tree.
Hetaro sprinted around the opposite side.
Runic restraints slammed into the ground.
Chains of pale mana erupted outward.
One after another.
The perimeter sealed.
The darkness became a cage.
The invisible thing trapped inside slammed repeatedly against the edges.
The bindings held.
Mimi grinned viciously.
"Gotcha!"
Another impact shook the barrier.
Then another.
Then another.
The trapped spirit couldn't escape.
Good.
Because I was running out of backup plans.
A familiar figure stepped forward.
Felix Argyle.
The playful smile was gone.
The cheerful voice was gone.
What remained was something infinitely more intimidating.
A genius.
A surgeon.
A monster disguised as a healer.
Blue mana gathered around both hands.
The air itself seemed to distort.
Felix stared into the darkness.
Expression cold.
Calculating.
Professional.
"Found ya."
The mana surged.
Water mana flooded into the Shamak field.
Not enough to destroy.
Enough to interfere.
Enough to corrupt.
Enough to destabilize.
The effect was immediate.
The screaming changed.
The sound became desperate.
Broken.
Panicked.
Like something drowning.
Inside the darkness, the invisible spirit began to collapse.
The quasi-spirits intensified their attack.
The bindings tightened.
Felix continued flooding the area with destabilizing mana.
The execution chamber became a blender.
A spiritual woodchipper.
A collaborative project dedicated entirely to deleting one extremely annoying Archbishop.
The screams became words.
Fragments.
Broken pieces.
"LOVE!"
Another impact.
Another spirit strike.
Another surge of mana.
"LOVE!"
The voice cracked.
Distorted.
"We... are..."
The sentence never finished.
A burst of pale light erupted inside the darkness.
Then another.
Then another.
The screaming stopped.
Silence returned.
Slowly.
Carefully.
The Shamak began to fade.
The darkness peeled away.
The battlefield emerged once more.
Nothing remained.
No corpse.
No spirit.
No corruption.
No Archbishop.
Just harmless mana drifting through the air like fading dust.
Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti was gone.
Completely.
Permanently.
The audit had concluded.
I stared at the empty ground.
Waited.
Nothing happened.
Still nothing.
Then I checked again.
Nothing.
Holy shit.
He's actually dead.
The realization hit harder than expected.
White Whale.
Witch Cult.
Petelgeuse.
All gone.
The impossible checklist was complete.
For the first time in nearly forty-eight hours, my body attempted to relax.
This proved catastrophic.
Because the instant the adrenaline disappeared, every system inside me collectively submitted a resignation letter.
My legs gave out.
The world tilted.
Someone shouted something.
I couldn't hear it.
My vision blurred.
Right.
That makes sense.
I've been operating entirely on fear.
I cleared my throat.
Attempting one final statement.
Something cool.
Something prophetic.
Something worthy of history.
What emerged instead was:
"Operational objectives..."
I swayed.
"...successfully..."
The ground rushed upward.
"...completed."
Face-first.
Directly into the dirt.
Darkness claimed me before anyone could laugh.
Or before I could.
[ ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ]
The first thing I noticed was warmth.
The second thing I noticed was softness.
The third thing I noticed was that I was still alive.
Unexpected.
A gentle breeze drifted through the branches overhead.
Leaves rustled.
Birds chirped.
For a brief moment, I genuinely believed I had died and somehow reached a premium afterlife package.
Then I opened my eyes.
Silver hair.
Violet eyes.
A face so close that my brain immediately blue-screened.
Emilia smiled down at me.
Not her usual nervous smile.
Not her polite smile.
Not even her embarrassed smile.
This one was different.
Soft.
Tender.
Relieved.
There were tears in the corners of her eyes.
"...You're awake."
For exactly two seconds, my survival instincts temporarily stopped functioning.
Hmmm.
I appear to be lying in the lap of a beautiful anime girl.
This is surprisingly comfortable.
Warm too.
Honestly, I could stay here forever.
Emilia gently brushed a strand of hair from my forehead.
My heart skipped a beat.
...Danger.
My internal systems immediately rebooted.
[ ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ]
WARNING.
Unauthorized romance event detected.
Subject: Emilia.
Rating: 9.8/10.
Classification: 3D Waifu.
Associated Threats: Puck.
Threat Assessment: Apocalyptic Ice Cat.
Potential Consequences:
Emotional commitment. Romantic misunderstanding. Future disappointment. Instant planetary glaciation.
Risk Rating: Catastrophic.
Recommended Action:
Maintain minimum safe distance of three feet.
[ ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ─── ❖ ─── ]
OH GOD.
THIS ISN'T A REWARD.
IT'S A TRAP.
Emilia opened her mouth.
"I wanted to tell you—"
I sat upright so fast that reality nearly cracked.
"WAAH!"
Emilia jerked backward.
I immediately began retreating.
Hands.
Knees.
Reverse crab walk.
Maximum speed.
No dignity.
No hesitation.
Pure survival instinct.
Three feet.
Four feet.
Five feet.
I stopped.
Safe distance achieved.
"Ah."
I nodded professionally.
"Good afternoon, Emilia."
"..."
"Systems appear nominal."
"..."
"Where is my medical supervisor?"
Silence.
The girl stared at me.
Blinking.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
The emotional whiplash was visible.
From Emilia's perspective, the situation made absolutely no sense.
This man had saved her life.
Saved the village.
Saved the domain.
Killed the White Whale.
Destroyed the Witch Cult.
Collapsed from exhaustion afterward.
Then after waking up and finding out she had offered him a lap pillow...
...he fled like she'd transformed into an active volcano.
A small crack formed in her expression.
"...Did I do something wrong?"
Critical damage.
CRITICAL DAMAGE.
ABORT MISSION.
ABORT MISSION.
Before I could accidentally trigger another disaster, salvation arrived.
A hand smacked the back of my head.
Hard.
"OW!"
I turned.
THANK YOUUUUUUU!
Felix stood there.
Arms crossed.
Tail swishing.
Expression murderous.
"Nyaa. Explain."
"..."
"You were unconscious."
"..."
"You woke up."
"..."
"You immediately jumped away from your caretaker."
"..."
"Explain."
I pointed at Emilia.
Then at myself.
Then at Emilia again.
Felix's eyes narrowed.
Slowly.
Dangerously.
"...You absolute idiot."
Another smack.
"OW!"
"Do you have any idea how worried everyone was!?"
"Do I care?"
Another smack.
"OW!"
"You collapsed!"
"Duh."
Smack.
"OW!"
"You idiot!"
"What are you? A girl?"
Smack.
"OW!"
"Stop hitting me!"
"No."
Reasonable.
Unfortunately.
Before Felix could continue the disciplinary hearing, a familiar floating menace appeared.
Puck materialized beside Emilia.
The spirit looked between us.
Then immediately noticed Emilia's confused expression.
His eyes narrowed.
Dangerously.
Oh no.
The Overprotective Father Protocol had activated.
Puck floated toward Emilia.
Then pointed directly at me.
"Lia."
Emilia looked up.
"Don't worry."
Puck's grin became vicious.
"Look at him."
I didn't like where this was going.
"He's shaking."
I was.
"A beautiful girl gives him a lap pillow and he runs away."
"That's not what happened."
"It absolutely is."
"Puck."
"He was scared."
"I was being cautious."
"He was terrified."
"I was evaluating risks."
"Pathetic."
I pointed accusingly.
"You're the risk!"
Puck laughed.
A genuinely delighted laugh.
"See? He's terrified."
Emilia blinked.
Then looked at me.
Then at Puck.
Then back at me.
Slowly...
veeeeeeeeeeeery slowly...
the confusion disappeared.
A tiny smile appeared instead.
"...Is that true?"
"No."
"It is."
"It's not."
"It absolutely is."
Traitorous laughter erupted from several nearby knights.
Even Felix snorted.
I had somehow become the punchline.
Again.
A tragedy.
A completely predictable tragedy.
But still a tragedy.
Fortunately, another figure approached before the conversation could become even more humiliating.
Julius Juukulius.
The greatest knight in Lugunica stopped several paces away.
The surrounding chatter gradually faded.
Everyone watched.
Julius looked different now.
Not physically.
But there was a quiet sadness around him.
A subtle absence.
A missing piece of reality itself.
Nobody remembered him.
Nobody except me.
Yet despite that...
He stood perfectly straight.
Perfectly composed.
Perfectly dignified.
Then he bowed.
Deeply.
Completely.
To me.
The clearing fell silent.
"I offer my deepest gratitude."
His voice was calm.
Measured.
Sincere.
"Without your guidance, this battle would have ended in catastrophe."
I immediately felt uncomfortable.
"Please stop."
Julius ignored me.
"Your foresight saved countless lives."
"Please stop."
"You carried burdens no one else could have predicted."
"Please stop."
"Your wisdom deserves—"
"Julius."
The knight paused.
I rubbed my forehead.
Why are normal people so sincere? I want SLANGS back!
It's terrifying.
"I did not fight the White Whale."
"..."
"I did not personally defeat anyone."
"..."
"I spent most of this operation having panic attacks."
A faint smile appeared on Julius's face.
"Even so."
"..."
"You were indispensable."
INDISPENSABLE?! THAT'S... THAT'S GRAMMAR THAT IS INTRODUCED AFTER GRADE 2! SUCH DEDICATION TO VOCABULARY! MY BRAIN DOES NOT TREMBLES DESU.
Damn it.
How do you argue with that?
You don't.
Because Julius fought honorably.
Which was extremely inconvenient.
Eventually, I sighed.
"...Thank you."
The knight nodded.
Respect exchanged.
Professional relationship stabilized.
Excellent.
Then reality immediately remembered it hated me.
"Subaru-kun!"
Rem practically sprinted into existence.
A canteen appeared in front of my face.
"Please drink water."
Rem.
Alive.
Healthy.
Smiling.
Still remembering her own name.
Still remembering everyone else's.
Mostly.
I accepted the canteen.
"Thank you."
Rem smiled brightly.
Mission accomplished.
Then she noticed Julius.
The smile became polite.
Courteous.
Respectful.
"Sir Knight."
Julius froze.
So did I.
...Right.
The speedrun tax.
Rem tilted her head.
"Is something wrong?"
Julius smiled.
A small smile.
A sad one.
"No."
The answer came effortlessly.
"It is nothing."
Rem nodded.
Completely unaware.
Then walked away.
The forgotten knight watched her go.
Nobody recognized him.
Nobody remembered him.
Not even the people he'd risked his life to protect.
A cruel ending.
A cruel world.
Yet Julius simply accepted it.
Like a knight should.
You're stronger than me.
Way stronger than me.
The moment passed.
The battlefield slowly returned to life.
Soldiers moved.
Mercenaries laughed.
The White Whale's corpse waited in the distance.
Evidence that history had changed.
Actually changed.
For once.
Nobody was dead.
The village survived.
The Witch Cult was gone.
Petelgeuse was gone.
The White Whale was gone.
Emilia was safe.
Rem was safe.
The maids were safe.
The candidate was safe.
The kingdom was safe.
Holy crap.
I actually did it.
Flawless Platinum Trophy Run.
For several seconds, I simply sat there.
Staring at the sky.
Almost afraid reality would suddenly announce a hidden boss fight.
Nothing happened.
No giant rabbits.
No insane archbishops.
No surprise catastrophes.
Just peace.
Beautiful.
Wonderful.
Suspicious peace.
The kind that made me nervous.
Still.
For now...
I would take the win.
A short while later, I found myself loaded into a comfortable carriage.
Blankets.
Water.
Medical supervision.
A luxury package.
Exactly what a successful strategist deserved.