Chapter 292: The Hopeless Satania
"Kou-nii, what are you doing here again?"
The little loli Saikawa tilted her head curiously, her big eyes gleaming with mischief as she swung her bug net like a baton. The summer air was warm, filled with the chirping of cicadas and the faint smell of grass.
Kouya was just about to reply when Satania came running over like a storm, waving her arms dramatically. She clutched two bottles of juice in her hands and shouted, "Attendant! I brought you drinks! Why did you run off? What if you got lost somewhere?!"
Shut up, will you? Do you think I'm like you, the idiot who can't even find her seat in a movie theater?!
"I see!"
The precocious little Saikawa suddenly made an exaggerated expression of realization, tapping her chin knowingly.
"You see what?" Kouya asked, already dreading the answer.
The little loli puffed out her chest proudly and raised one finger like she was solving a mystery. "Kou-nii is out on a date!"
"..."
Before Kouya could even groan, a soft rustling of bushes came from behind. The sound of slow footsteps followed, and soon a familiar voice spoke up.
Wine-red hair shimmered faintly under the sunlight, paired with a plain shirt, glasses on the nose, and those perpetually tired, half-lidded eyes. Her chest was flat enough that anyone unfamiliar might hesitate for a second on her gender.
It was none other than his cousin—Kobayashi.
"Yo, Kouya, good afternoon." She pushed her glasses up with a faint smirk. "Are you guys out on a date?"
Hey, hey, not you too! It's not a date!
"It's not a date…" Kouya sighed, already feeling drained.
"Don't bother lying to your cousin." Kobayashi's smile turned teasing. "When Saikawa said you were on a date, you didn't even deny it."
That's not confirming! That's called silent denial! Learn the difference!
Kouya rubbed his temples. "I just happened to be passing by…"
"Then let's pretend you're passing by," Kobayashi said, waving lazily.
What do you mean 'pretend'? I am passing by! There's no pretending involved!
Kobayashi's eyes gleamed behind her glasses. "Come over for lunch. You haven't visited in half a month, and I promised to look after you, remember?"
Before Kouya could even think of an excuse, she had already turned to the others. Her eyes briefly stopped at Raphiel's chest, her face twitching as bitterness filled her tone. "Girls these days… already so developed in their first year. What the hell are they eating?!"
After mumbling to herself, she forced a smile. "I'm Kobayashi, Kouya's cousin. We met at the amusement park. You're all hanging out with him, right? Come along too!"
Rikka nervously tugged at her clothes, fidgeting shyly.
Satania blinked dumbly, not understanding anything that was going on.
Raphiel, ever the tease, clasped her hands together and giggled. "We won't be a bother, will we, Cousin-sama?"
"Just Kobayashi or Cousin is fine," Kobayashi said with a good-natured laugh.
As the conversation continued, Kouya sighed again and asked, "Cousin, what are you doing here anyway?"
Kobayashi adjusted her glasses, her voice calm as ever. "Day off today. Thought I'd relax a bit. Kanna wanted to catch cicadas for her observation diary, so I tagged along."
She looked down at the blue-eyed dragon standing quietly beside her. "Kanna, catch anything yet?"
"No." Kanna shook her head slowly.
Of course you didn't—you ate the cicada before anyone could see it, didn't you?
"I caught one!" Saikawa shouted proudly, showing off her net with a squirming cicada inside. "Kanna-chan, let's write our diary together!"
Kanna blinked, then nodded gently. "Thank you, Saikawa-chan."
After a small pause, she added in her usual flat tone, "Saikawa's the best."
"T-the best…"
Saikawa froze, then squealed with delight. Her eyes turned into pink hearts as she hugged her cheeks. "Kanna-chan praised me again! I'm so happy, hehehe~~"
What's with that face?! You'd get along perfectly with that perverted maid dragon!
Meanwhile, Kobayashi was already on the phone with Tohru, telling her to prepare lunch for everyone. When she hung up, she smiled. "Let's go."
Kouya sighed but followed helplessly.
He honestly disliked visiting others. Being a guest meant talking, being polite, pretending to enjoy small talk. But Kouya wasn't the type to chat idly. He preferred silence, so visiting always ended up feeling awkward.
Still, he couldn't refuse.
When they reached Kobayashi's apartment complex, Kanna tugged at Kouya's shirt and looked up at him. Her eyes were big and glassy, glimmering with quiet expectation.
"Stare—"
"..."
Don't just stare! If you want something, just say it already!
Kouya sighed. "Cousin, you go on ahead. I'll grab a drink."
Kobayashi nodded. "Alright, don't be late."
Kouya took Kanna to the nearby snack street. The smell of sweet pastries drifted through the air, making Kanna's little nose twitch. He bought two baumkuchen cakes—one for Kanna, one for Saikawa. As for Raphiel and Satania? They could pay for themselves.
"Kouya-kun, I want one too!" Raphiel said, raising her hand like a child.
Kouya shot her a look. "No."
"W-why not?!" she gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Ah, I know! You're worried I'll get fat, right? How sweet of you!"
Who the hell cares if you get fat?!
Raphiel made a mock fighting pose. "Don't worry! I work out every day!"
Yeah right—your 'workout' is teleporting next to Satania just to mess with her!
"No, that's not it." Kouya huffed. "I just don't want to buy you one."
Raphiel froze, eyes wide in mock heartbreak. "T-to think Kouya-kun dislikes me… Is it true that once you get something, you stop cherishing it?"
Shut up! I've always disliked you! You're just now realizing that?!
Before Kouya could retort, bystanders began whispering loudly.
"What a jerk! He's got a girlfriend?!"
"How could he reject such a cute girl? Cruel!"
"Boys shouldn't be stingy! No one likes that!"
"Normies like him should just explode!"
"..."
Oh, for crying out loud—shut up, you random extras! You don't even know what's going on!
And that elementary school kid in the yellow hat glaring at me—what's your problem?! Go do your homework! (╯‵□′）╯︵┻━┻!
After buying the cakes, Kouya headed to the supermarket to pick up some fruit for Kobayashi's house. After all, bringing a small gift was proper manners.
He carefully selected apples, grapes, bananas, and a few avocados. The bright lights reflected off their smooth skins as he placed them in a bag.
Avocados—also known as butter fruit. The texture was creamy, rich, and soft, more like cheese than fruit. Unlike juicy or crisp fruits, it was oily and heavy, but for some reason, Japan loved them. Every convenience store had them.
He'd even seen people eat them like sashimi—sliced thin and dipped in soy sauce and wasabi. Strange country.
"Alright, that should do it," Kouya muttered, heading to the checkout counter.
But before he could take two steps, Raphiel's voice rang out behind him, shaking with barely suppressed laughter. "Kouya-kun! We've got a problem!"
Kouya frowned. A problem? What kind of problem could possibly—
He turned the corner.
And froze.
Saikawa gasped.
Kanna blinked in silent surprise.
Even Kouya stood dumbfounded for several seconds.
Between two shelves stood Satania, her face scrunched up in panic, tears welling in her eyes. Her cheeks bulged slightly, and she made muffled noises—but no words came out.
Because she had a light bulb stuck in her mouth.
"What… are you doing?" Kouya croaked, his mouth twitching violently.
Raphiel covered her mouth, trying not to laugh as she pointed to a warning sign that read "Do Not Swallow." "While we were picking gifts, Satania saw that sign and remembered a news story about someone who swallowed a light bulb and got stuck. She said she could do it better. So… she tried it."
Kouya: "..."
For god's sake! This kind of stupidity deserves to be archived in the Top Ten Dumbest Moments in Human History! Absolutely hopeless!
Some people think, 'Just because others failed doesn't mean I will.' Like those who think smoking or drinking addiction won't affect them—until it does.
And Satania? She thought she'd be the exception.
She definitely wasn't.
If stupidity were a disease, Satania was in the terminal stage.
Utterly hopeless! (╯‵□′）╯︵┻━┻!
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