Chapter 294: Rock-Solid IQ
Kouya pressed the doorbell outside Kobayashi's apartment.
"Kouya, good afternoon!" came a cheerful voice before the chime had even faded.
The door swung open almost instantly, and out jumped the maid dragon Tohru, dressed in her immaculate maid uniform. Her radiant smile could have lit up the whole corridor, and the energetic bounce of her chest nearly caused a visual earthquake.
"Mm. Good afternoon," Kouya nodded, trying not to look anywhere inappropriate.
After that whole ridiculous incident at the supermarket—helping Satania get a light bulb out of her mouth—he'd quickly paid for the fruits and escaped before the gawking crowd could start taking pictures. Now, finally, he was here.
"You're here!" Kobayashi stepped forward from the hallway, brushing her short hair back and motioning toward the entryway. "Slippers are in the cabinet. Grab whichever ones fit."
"Thank you, Cousin," Raphiel replied gracefully, her tone sweet yet calm.
She gathered her silver hair into one hand, leaned over slightly, and opened the cabinet with a soft clack. With a gentle motion, she took out pairs of slippers and placed them neatly before each guest.
Kouya blinked, frowning slightly.
Wait, what? The scheming angel—helping others on her own initiative?
This was the same girl who'd normally tease Satania into doing chores for her. Today she was almost… polite.
Something's definitely suspicious.
Kouya shook his head, deciding it wasn't worth trying to understand whatever game she was playing. He slipped into the house shoes and stepped into the warm, tidy living room. The faint aroma of tea and lemon polish lingered in the air.
He handed over the bag of fruits to Tohru.
"Thank you, Kouya!" Tohru's tail swished happily as she accepted it. "I'll make a fruit platter right away!"
Kobayashi headed to the kitchen, grabbed a few bottles of chilled drinks, and passed them around the group before sitting down. "Didn't you all just go buy drinks? What took you so long?"
The air froze for two full seconds.
"I know! I know!" Saikawa burst out proudly, oblivious to the tension. Her eyes sparkled like stars. "When we were at the supermarket, Satania-oneechan swallowed a light bulb!"
"Pffft!"
Kobayashi spewed her tea across the table. Kouya, sitting directly opposite her, took a few splashes to the chest.
"Sorry! Oh, geez—wipe that off!" Kobayashi grabbed a handful of tissues, still coughing.
"I'll handle it," Raphiel said, smiling demurely as she took the napkins from her. She leaned in, her silken hair brushing Kouya's shoulder, and gently dabbed the wet spots on his shirt.
A delicate scent wafted around him—soap, sweetness, and something subtle, uniquely hers. It was faint yet arresting.
'Hold on. This isn't right.'
'You're helping me? You? What's next, Satania getting a scholarship?'
Raphiel noticed his skeptical look, giggled softly, and shot him a secret wink before sitting back down, as if nothing had happened.
Kobayashi adjusted her glasses. "Wait—swallowed a bulb? Like… one of those pear-shaped incandescent ones? I didn't mishear that, right?"
"You didn't!" Saikawa said quickly, raising her hand like a kid in class. "It was a big one too! Everyone in the store was staring!"
Kobayashi froze. Her mind short-circuited.
If I had been there, I'd have been just as dumbstruck!
Good grief. Who in their right mind would swallow a light bulb in 2025? Every textbook, safety show, and even the packaging says not to do that. How curious do you have to be to stick something made of glass in your mouth?
Satania blushed furiously, ducking her head. Even she knew this was beyond stupid. The way people had stared at her… she'd never gotten that kind of attention before, and it wasn't the kind anyone would want.
Kobayashi coughed awkwardly and forced a chuckle. "Well, uh… when I was little, our house used incandescent bulbs too. These days everything's LED, but back then we had those old ones. Some of the neighborhood kids used to joke about what would happen if you put one in your mouth. Ha, hahaha."
"Eh, really?" Satania's eyes lit up. She looked up eagerly. "I knew it! I must've just used the wrong angle! If I'd tried again, I bet I could've gotten it out. Truth comes from experimentation!"
"…"
Kobayashi blinked twice. I was just trying to change the subject, not inspire another experiment!
Fortunately, Tohru appeared at that moment carrying a large, beautiful fruit platter. "Everyone, have some fruit!"
Kobayashi immediately picked up an apple slice and handed it to Satania. "Here, eat something."
Satania happily took a bite, munching away like nothing had ever happened. Kobayashi sighed in relief, though her eyes still showed that familiar hint of despair.
This girl's IQ… it's not just stable—it's reinforced concrete.
"By the way, you're Takanashi, right?" Kobayashi said after a sip of tea. "Why the eyepatch? Eye problems?"
She genuinely didn't know much about Kouya's friends. Between work and daily fatigue, she had little time for small talk. Kouya never explained much either, so she was clueless about Rikka's delusional tendencies.
Rikka stiffened for a second, then straightened proudly. One hand rose to her covered eye, and with solemn gravity, she declared, "This eyepatch seals the Wicked Lord's Eye. If I remove it, the unleashed magic will bring devastation to this world."
Kobayashi blinked. Silence fell.
The ahoge girl had been nervous before coming over, but Kobayashi wasn't intimidating, Tohru looked like a friendly airhead, and Kanna was too cute to be threatening. Rikka relaxed fast—and now her full chuunibyou spirit had emerged.
Of course, Kobayashi had unknowingly hit her weak point—the "forbidden eye" was sacred ground.
For Rikka, her ahoge and her sealed eye were everything. When someone asked, she had to answer seriously, even if the answer made everyone want to melt into the couch from secondhand embarrassment.
"Haha, the Wicked Lord's Eye, huh? I don't really get it, but sounds cool!" Kobayashi chuckled awkwardly, wiping sweat from her temple. "I was a bit chuunibyou myself in school… brings back memories. Anyway, Kanna, weren't you waiting for your cartoon? It's starting soon, right? Go ahead!"
Kanna gave a small nod. "Mm." She quietly picked up the remote, flipping on the TV.
And soon enough—
Satania and Rikka were sitting cross-legged on the floor with Kanna and Saikawa, all eyes fixed on Star Girl Meruru. The anime's opening theme filled the apartment with sparkling, sugary energy.
The story was pure nonsense. A meteor crashes into Meruru's room the night she wishes on a shooting star. Why the meteor didn't obliterate her house? Irrelevant! The only thing that mattered—Star Girl Meruru was born.
A rabbit from the Cute Planet pops out, declaring a mission to fight the evil Astrofiends. From then on, Meruru's battle for love and friendship begins.
Kouya remembered seeing this before. Back at Chiba Shrine, that naughty little loli Hinata had been obsessed with Meruru, even owning the full collector's set. He'd sat through a few episodes and come to one conclusion…
Why does the world's salvation always depend on a little girl?!
No experience, no common sense, no responsibility—and you're telling me she's the savior? What if the villain offers her candy and she just goes with them?!
If the universe really rests on that, maybe it's better off destroyed!
(╯‵□′）╯︵┻━┻!
In that anime, power only lives in pure souls, meaning the dumber you are, the stronger your magic. Which—Kouya admitted—perfectly explained Satania and Rikka's obsession with it.
He leaned against the couch, watching the two idiots cheer at the screen. They clapped and shouted things like, "Go, Meruru!" and "Justice shall shine!" Their faces were completely serious.
Kouya sighed deeply.
If Satania ever found herself in that world, she'd probably end up ruling it—or accidentally blowing it up first. The whole light bulb incident had already redefined his understanding of her. This girl didn't just have low IQ—she'd broken the concept entirely.
Her intelligence had no floor.
Just like you can never predict the name of the flower you saw that day, you could never guess what kind of idiocy Satania would pull next.
If someone ever gave her an IQ test, her score wouldn't just be low—it'd drag the global average down by a few points.
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