DAY ONE
Philip entered the room carrying a mountain of food that looked capable of crushing an ordinary person.
The door closed behind him.
Locked.
Then he placed a chair in front of it.
Then another.
Outside, Seravion watched the entire process in silence.
"Philip."
"No."
"I haven't even said anything."
"Doesn't matter. I'm studying."
"You literally just barricaded a celestial door with furniture."
"It's to demonstrate my determination."
Seravion decided he didn't have the energy to argue and simply disappeared.
Inside the room, Philip took a deep breath.
He looked at the mountain of food.
Looked at the ceiling.
"Alright. Let's do this. Football."
His expression was the same as someone preparing to undergo surgery without anesthesia.
He grabbed a notebook.
At the top, he wrote:
HOW NOT TO EMBARRASS MYSELF ON GARGORRO
Underneath:
STEP ONE: FIND OUT HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON A TEAM.
Two hours later.
Philip sat on the bed, staring at a massive translucent blue screen floating in the air.
He still had no idea what it was called.
A computer?
The internet?
A search system?
Then again, those were basically the same thing anyway...
Whatever.
He didn't know.
But he had discovered that all he had to do was shout a question and the thing would answer.
And honestly?
That was all that mattered.
"HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON A FOOTBALL TEAM?"
The screen glowed.
11 players.
Silence.
"Eleven people."
He stared at his notes.
"I thought there were more."
Then he looked back at the screen.
"AND THE POSITIONS? HOW DO THEY WORK?"
The screen glowed again.
An image of a field appeared.
Small figures materialized across the pitch.
GOALKEEPERCENTER-BACKSFULL-BACKSDEFENSIVE MIDFIELDERSMIDFIELDERSFORWARDS
Philip stared.
"Okay... Dear God."
He grabbed a snack from the bowl beside the bed and chewed with near-existential anguish.
"My only contact with football was Captain Tsubasa..."
He paused.
"But I forgot everything."
Another bite.
"So I don't know what any of these positions actually do."
The last part came out as a desperate whisper.
The screen remained silent for a few seconds.
Philip took a deep breath.
"Oh, friend... could you show me a match and explain what each player does?"
The screen glowed faintly.
"But explain it like I'm an idiot."
The light grew brighter.
"The dumbest person you know."
The screen remained silent.
Philip clasped his hands together.
"I'm asking humbly."
For the first time since he had started studying, the screen seemed to seriously consider the request.
Then a new message appeared.
EXPLANATION LEVEL SELECTED: PHILIP HARTWELL
"Hey!"
The screen ignored the complaint.
A football match began playing.
Two teams entered the field.
The image froze.
Eleven players became highlighted.
IDIOT EXPLANATION INITIATED.
"Ah, perfect."
The match resumed.
One player kicked the ball backward.
Philip immediately pointed.
"The guy's going the wrong way!"
No.
"Yes he is."
No.
"The goal is in the other direction."
He is starting an attacking sequence.
Philip fell silent.
"Oh."
The match continued.
A center-back received the ball.
Passed to a defensive midfielder.
The defensive midfielder passed to a midfielder.
The midfielder sent a through ball to a forward.
The forward shot.
Goalkeeper save.
The entire play replayed in slow motion.
The center-back recovered possession.
An arrow appeared.
The defensive midfielder provided a passing option.
Another arrow.
The midfielder created the opportunity.
Another.
The forward finished the move.
Philip watched everything.
Then blinked.
"Wait."
The play replayed again.
"The forward got all the credit for work that four people did."
Correct.
Philip looked horrified.
"My God."
Football is a team sport. But in the end, for most fans... the person who scores the goal is what matters.
Philip spent the rest of the day trying to understand how football positions worked.
Trying.
That was the important word.
Trying.
Because understanding football and surviving the process were two completely different things.
At one point, he spent ten straight minutes staring at a tactical formation.
Meanwhile...
Far away.
In a region of the heavens that very few beings were allowed to visit.
Seravion passed through gates made of liquid light and entered Aureon's domain.
The Supreme God of Worlds.
Creator of universes.
Architect of existence.
Absolute being.
When he entered, he found Aureon comfortably seated in a gigantic armchair.
A bowl of fruit beside him.
And a massive golden screen floating in front of him.
Seravion approached.
"You summoned me, Lord?"
"I did."
Aureon never took his eyes off the screen.
Seravion followed his gaze.
And immediately understood why.
On the screen.
Philip.
Sitting on the floor.
Surrounded by notebooks, snacks...
And suffering.
"So if the midfielder creates the play..."
He turned a page.
"And the defensive midfielder helps the midfielder..."
Another page.
"And the full-back helps the defensive midfielder..."
Another.
"And the center-back helps the full-back..."
Silence.
Then Philip slowly lowered his forehead onto the table.
Thunk.
"I'm having war flashbacks right now. This reminds me of when I tried studying for civil service exams."
Aureon burst out laughing.
A genuine laugh.
The kind that made a god forget his own dignity for a few seconds.
Seravion watched in silence.
"My Lord..."
"Yes?"
"How long have you been watching this?"
Aureon thought for a moment.
"Since breakfast."
Seravion blinked.
"It's almost nine hours."
"I know."
On the screen, Philip was now drawing arrows.
Lots of arrows.
Far too many arrows.
"Oh."
Aureon and Seravion stared at each other in silence.
"My Lord... I still don't understand why you like him so much."
The question finally made Aureon look away from the screen.
The God thought for a few seconds.
Then smiled.
"He's unlike anyone I've ever met... or read about."
Aureon pointed at Philip.
"Everyone I brought here before wanted to save the world."
On the screen, Philip scribbled:
MAKE KAIEN A LEGENDPUBLICLY HUMILIATE LION
"His hatred is so interesting."
On the screen, Philip suddenly lifted his head.
"Wait."
Aureon and Seravion looked over.
Philip narrowed his eyes at empty space.
"They're watching me again."
Silence.
In the celestial domain, Aureon nearly choked on the fruit he was eating.
"HOW DOES HE KNOW?!"