"Um! Yeah, we collaborated back when I first debuted, so..."
Faced with a pair of terrifying, bloodshot eyes inches from his nose, Ikekoshi Yuuichi felt his collar lift into the air the moment he finished speaking.
With his entire face darkened, Imamura Kohei's pupils shrank to tiny pinpricks. The meager muscles on his body tensed into an alarming arc, 90% of which was fueled by pure rage.
"You're... dating?"
The final word came out in a distinct, distorted pitch. Ikekoshi Yuuichi looked down at his dangling legs, a literal question mark appearing over his head. "Eh?"
"Yoshi, you actually said it twice!"
A single tear streaked down from the corner of his eye. Imamura Kohei sniffed hard, his handsome face contorting into a hideous, bitter-gourd expression.
The fact that a voice actor had a boyfriend—even if one wasn't a hardcore fan—was still incredibly enviable! Especially when the guy likely to marry said seiyuu looked exactly like him. The contrast and sense of defeat were overwhelming!
There are two things in this world that absolutely cannot be accepted: one is being NTR'd by your brother, and the other is being NTR'd by a brother who looks like a better version of yourself!
"Have you decided how you want to die, kid?"
"Hey! Wait a minute! Why are you acting like the victim here! Yuu!"
Turning his head, Ikekoshi didn't call out to the film crew for help. Despite Kohei's sudden personality shift, Ikekoshi still viewed him as a personal friend. Thus, even as the staff anxiously rushed forward, he called out to Miyazawa Yuu to save him—or at least let him die with an explanation!
On the other side, however, white smoke rose slowly from an incense burner. The three members of the PaB club were each holding three sticks of incense, methodically placing them in front of a black-and-white photo on an altar.
"Amen..."
"I'm still alive! Don't just give up on medical treatment! And where did that black-and-white photo even come from?!"
"Ah~ Yuuichi, you're still alive? We thought you'd have been 'rule-killed' by Kohei the moment the words 'seiyuu girlfriend' left your mouth!"
Looking up blankly, Miyazawa Yuu was shocked to find Ikekoshi Yuuichi was still breathing. He was genuinely impressed!
In his and Iori's estimation, this guy should have been executed by Kohei's laws of nature the moment he uttered those forbidden words—at the very least, he should have been tossed into the sea to feed the fish. It seemed having a good face was important after all; Kohei had held back because he was looking at a face so similar to his own.
"Mr. Ikekoshi! Do you need help? Excuse me! Please calm down, blonde li—Mr. Ikekoshi?"
"???"
The staff member froze mid-sentence. In the time it took to turn around, he found the lead actor fighting himself! Wait, no! The mushrooms they ate last night should have been cooked through, and they'd only had two beers. How were they having hallucinations?
"Sorry, this is one of our guys. Aina, Iori, lend a hand. We won't be able to finish the shop event at this rate!"
"Yes, yes. Kohei's just acting out, we won't hold it against him."
"Right! In our eyes, you're the most handsome. Don't let Lalako down!"
"Don't pull me! For the sake of the seiyuu, I am willing to sacrifice my life to eliminate this scumbag!"
With the combined effort of the PaB trio, Imamura Kohei was dragged a short distance away from Ikekoshi and "sealed" by Iori's backside to prevent him from causing more harm. Despite his hands being cable-tied, the guy continued to gnash his teeth and scream slogans about protecting voice actors.
But looking at the scene—a frightened young idol versus a frothing monster—it was clear who the "scumbag" was.
"Kohei, honestly, it's wrong to label someone a scumbag with no proof! There are plenty of good people in this world."
Crouching in front of Kohei, Yoshiwara Aina gave a speechless twitch of her lips and ruffled his hair, hoping to soothe the shouting embarrassment. However, their eyes met, and Kohei's next sentence left her completely silenced:
"What are you saying, Aina! How could someone with the same face as me possibly be a good person?!"
"...I have absolutely no counter-argument for that!"
"Sorry for the trouble our idiot caused. But it's best not to mention 'seiyuu' or 'anime' in front of Kohei," Miyazawa Yuu said, rubbing his temples. While he agreed with Kohei's logic, he still had to comfort Ikekoshi Yuuichi. "This guy will go berserk—the 'ten-times-stronger-when-blackened' kind."
"...That is certainly... unique!"
Ikekoshi Yuuichi wasn't angry at all. He closed his eyes, hands pressed to his collar, feeling the lingering tightness as he fell into deep thought. After a long moment, he nodded with a look of enlightenment. "I... must take note of all of this too!"
"As long as you're happy?"
Kohei's "charm" was quite something; in just a short time, he had completely conquered the rather eccentric Ikekoshi Yuuichi with his sheer oddity.
Seeing that the newcomer wasn't offended, Miyazawa Yuu relaxed and gave the persistent Kohei a kick. This incessant barking was just too embarrassing!
"Hey, Kohei, calm down. Voice actors are human too; they're bound to get married eventually. Do you want Lalako to stay a widow forever?"
"Guh! I have no problem with seiyuu getting married! But this guy..."
The murderous shouting stopped. Kohei knew seiyuu eventually married; he was just upset that a guy wearing his face was the one doing it!
"Um... excuse me, is 'Dolphin' here?"
Just before Kohei could deliver his thesis on The Relationship Between Seiyuu Marriage and My Handsome Face, a soft, delicate female voice drifted through the door. The entrance to Dolphin swung open.
Stepping into the shop, a girl in a long dress, who seemed perpetually melancholy, appeared in everyone's view.
"Ah! Yuuichi! I finally found you! Honestly, you worried me to death running off to Palau without saying a word! What are you all..."
Because of the seating arrangement, Muranaka Yukari immediately saw her fiancé being "oppressed" by a villain (Iori)!
Their eyes met. The delicate girl first widened her eyes and covered her mouth in shock, but before Iori could explain, a flash of absolute resolve crossed her eyes.
"Yuuichi, don't be afraid!"
Speeding up! Even faster! Before Kitahara Iori could react, the girl in the long dress grabbed a fruit bowl from the side and swung it in a full arc for a "sacrifice strike"!
"I'm coming to save you! Even if we go to hell, we go together! We promised!"
"Dangerous!"
With extreme flexibility—having been pounded by Yuu many times, his flesh had become resilient and bouncy—Iori easily evaded the sudden attack. He leaned back, and the fruit bowl swept past the bridge of his nose, leaving a trail of cold air.
However, Muranaka Yukari's blind, frantic assault wouldn't stop there. Iori took advantage of her "skill lag" to bolt away, leaving Kohei alone.
"Eh?"
Though the pressure on him vanished, it was too late to run. Kohei watched the fruit bowl rapidly expand in his vision. The confused expression on his face hadn't even fully formed before he was smacked flying.
Pwah!
"Oh! What a beautiful 'Splitting the Hua Mountain' strike!"
"Wait! Yukari, I'm over here! And even if you have the wrong person, you can't just hit people!"
Compared to Yuu, who was giving a serious review as an observer, Ikekoshi Yuuichi hadn't fully "turned bad" yet since he'd just met the PaB club. Seeing Kohei take a "Lightning Five-Chain Whip" combo from his girlfriend without even being able to beg for mercy, he rushed forward regardless of the risk to grab her wrist.
"Ikekoshi!"
But before Muranaka Yukari could speak, Kohei—in the midst of the storm of blows—steadfastly opened his eyes with a look of absolute conviction: "I advise you not to mind other people's business!"
"An 'M'?"
"Being beaten by a beautiful seiyuu is a rare event in life. Just consider it a rare achievement he's grinding for."
Miyazawa Yuu explained it in terms Ikekoshi could understand, spreading his hands. He didn't understand seiyuu, but he understood Kohei! This guy walked on thin ice his whole life; if he was going to be "done in" by a scumbag eventually, dying at the hands of a seiyuu wasn't a bad choice.
"Yuuichi! Who beat you into this state? Waaaaah... my heart is breaking!"
"One more thing!"
Pointing at the girl who had finally noticed the "texture" of her target was wrong, dropped the fruit basket, and was now hugging Kohei while crying, Miyazawa Yuu said with "dot-eyes" indifference: "Is your girlfriend okay? She seems... mentally unstable?"
"It might be because of her work as a seiyuu. Yukari can indeed be very sensitive sometimes..."
"Even if she's sensitive, she can't just snatch people!"
Breaking the calm atmosphere, Yoshiwara Aina saw Kohei being held by a strange woman and immediately bristled. She rushed over, grabbed his other arm, and snapped, "Mr. Yuuichi! Hurry up and explain things to this lady!"
"...Actually, you don't have to explain..."
"Shut up, Kohei!"
Truly, this might have been the most glorious moment of Kohei's life. Not everyone gets to be at the center of a jealousy spat between a "White Moonlight" and a "Cinnabar Mole"!