19. "CHASING LOVE"
I always chase love in every encounter, there's an exchange of names and contact details in every conversation, there's a seed planted and it always rots as a forbidden fruit. It all started when I was 14, I was searching for love in every girl until I turned 21 with a list of more than 21 names that I've been involved with.
I've chased love for years but all I seem to find over the years is sex, so many girls in the past and I can't keep track of the sex flings I've had in the last 7 years. But all I ever wanted was love and affection, for somebody to genuinely love me and care about me.
I can't find the answer to the question "Why do I always chase love?", maybe there's missing piece in me that keeps growing hunger for love. I keep searching for the missing puzzle in all of these women but all I seem to find over the years is sex and flings.
Now people are quick to judge me, all of these girls in my past, never have I ever found what I was looking for, now I'm 21 years old, with so many characteristic flaws and every time I start something with somebody, it ends badly.
20. "FUCKED UP (AS I AM)"
Everybody before her and even after her, they've failed to make me love them, they were just not it for me. I guess that I'll only love once in this lifetime and even though she ain't here anymore, I'm cool with being alone for some more time, I don't fuck with the idea of falling in love with somebody else.
She gave her love to a nigga that was raised without affection, he got attached to her too easy simply because of the things that she brought into his world: Love, affection and warmth.
You can be just good without somebody and then they come along to change your life as if they've been there since your first breath. Even though she ain't in my life anymore, she's the love of my life and as fucked up as I am, she gave me a reason to be better for her, she's always gonna be the girl of my dreams.
We are all fortunate enough to exprience first love but we aren't all lucky to keep it, some of us have to go on with our lives with the void that will never be filled, unless the ones we love come back into our lives.