- - -
[Mission: Find the Slayer]
[Mind: - 13.4%]
[Map: - 35%]
[Mutation: - 55.3%]
[Magic: - False]
[Malice - False - 4.99%]
- - -
Good news, and bad news.
Bad news is, that other door, the one that doesn't lead to the toilet? Yeah that door is locked tight, the kind of tight not even plasma fire can break through, for some reason…
Good news is I'm getting better with dodging!
and since I don't have functional organs anymore, I don't actually need to use the bathroom, so that's I guess, another plus! if you squint, and are blind…
But besides that, it's really the same old same old- usually barely making it to the bodega ruins before being brutally executed, endlessly.
In more intresting news, I can jump! Higher than a few centimeters that is, like mostly a human being, not just some weird lunge.
So I've made it a challenge of sorts, to try and survive the fire and minions of the shell summoner bastard for as long as I can, just to see if I can't find a weakness.
- - -
I think I've been at this for what, how many deaths now?
In philosophy, there's this idea, called Nihilism, someone who is nihilistic is one who believes that nothing matters.
That, if there are no consequences, or rewards at the end of everything, if there is no purpose, then why do anything?
It is nihilism that explores that topic, of 'if there is nothing after the end, why bother at all'.
The truth is nihilism is, as a philosophy, sort of a dead end on it's own, not to say it can't be a mouthpiece to comment on the ways our societies fail, but more it is one that cannot exist without the idea that nothing is worth it.
That knowledge, meaning and morality are all fundamentally, and objectively, nothing of value or meaning.
And the idea that nothing is worth it, is contrary, I believe, to the nature of humanity, whether it's money, or your flavor of pleasure, or even to lay your mark on the world in a bid to be remembered, no matter how small everyone values something.
That leads to a lot of economical and social inequality, as everyone values, so too, do we devalue, and obsession over value typically falls down the slope that is facism.
So then, a different question, if nothing matters, what's stopping you from living the kind of life you want?
Most would answer capitalism, the upper class, or just bad luck, there are plenty of answers outside of that too.
For me, the answer is bloodthirsty monsters that will kill me if I'm not careful, but beyond that, there simply aren't the people to.
When I was human, I was, I'll admit, a coward.
I wasn't an active nihilist, but i did subscribe to their beliefs.
As a zombie? Nihilism doesn't stop me from getting killed doesn't make it hurt any less, it just stops me from pursuing what brings me even a spark of happiness in this madness.
It sucks!
And yeah, nothing has mattered less in my life then now, but that doesn't stop it from sucking, and it certainly hasn't made the monsters hard shift into a emotional and moral debate about their actions in the grand scheme that is my own hypothetical lack of a fuck to give.
If anything, now I want to live more than I fucking ever have before.
And that really scares me.
Because living means having to claw every good thing I can get out of this place, and that's a lot of work, with nihilism, you just say 'oh nothing matters' and leave it at that!
It's safe to feel! But it's not stopping my face from getting pasted into concrete! Because the truth is it's easier to say nothing matters then it is to care.
Why am I thinking about this all now? I have no fucking idea.
Maybe I just needed to think about something, to take my mind off of the constant flame barrage from the bastard?
Yeah probably.
Speaking of bastard, I was right, he is exactly, a fucking middle manager.
Whenever I try to charge in, he either teleports, or summons some minions in my path, if I run away he throws barrages of fire at me, sometimes I can jump over them, other times, not.
If I manage to run away far enough, he summons a pool of fire under me! I've died feet first slowly melting, because of that damned attack.
To make matters more frustrating, the bastard always, and I mean always summons some kind of fire shield infront of himself when summoning.
Sure I've been able to, very rarely, manage to get hits off on him, but it's always the same, not even a flinch from my claw attacks and only a scuff from the rebar, I don't think I've even hurt this thing at all since trying to learn how to kill it.
Which, I think might come back to why I was thinking about nihilism, seeming futility can sometimes bring it out in me.
Ugh, why am I so stuck on this!
I just want to move on.
But how… hmm.
Ok if they don't want to hard pivot into something else then I will, I'll go check the roof of the building, just in case.
Getting there is easy enough, but it's the making sure that I don't fall through that I'm most concerned with.
There isn't really anything up here, just a great view of the whole place.
There's the lava pit in the center, the place where I started this whole shit show, oh and the attention of everything I've been trying to avoid since I killed that squid guy.
Turning around, the bodega did have one thing on top of it.
The bodega is, for some very odd reason, nearly connected to another building, looks like an office building, and also very abandoned.
But where the bodega's roof collapse managed to create the illusion of a path, from the broken glass sliding doors, the way up to the ceiling starts right there, inviting and obvious.
At the top, the first thing that caught my attention, (which is also the only thing up here), was a big collection of thick cracks in the wall.
Yep, big old cracks in the wall, that are, for some reason, the same exact fuckin shade of green, as the chains that pull me back into this world, every god forsaken, time.
Ow, headache again.
Anyway, this idea's been a bust, might as well look for a key or something to get into that room next to the bathroom.