Act I: Kingdom of Nobodies
Chapter VII: Loneliness Without Isolation
The first thing war ever took from me was not my innocence.
No.
The first thing war stole from me was my ability to hesitate.
Three years earlier, the sight of a corpse would have nearly drove me sick. I remembered staring at the blood-soaked Earth while wondering how any human person could grow to normalize such things. I had believed there was a line some people would refuse to cross.
Now it's obvious that was a childish fantasy.
The line did indeed exist.
However, people can also move it to wherever is most convenient for them.
I stood beneath the hanging lanterns of the eastern command hall while rain beat the tiled rooftiles overhead. The storm outside raged on as it blurred the city into streaks of gold and black. Somewhere beyond where I could see, merchants were still forced to shout for customers in order to live.
That had been the strangest lesson of all.
No matter how terrible a battle became, there would always be someone to clean up the mess afterwards. That site would be turned into shops, diners, and even the graveyards of the very people who died there. There was no such thing as proper mourning in a place like this.
"You're brooding again."
Hitomi's voice pulled me from my thoughts, as annoyingly necessary as it always did.
I glanced sideways at her where she leaned against one of the recently lacquered pillars, her arms crossed loosely to her chest. Three years had changed her character to a surprisingly small degree. It was possible she was a little taller now, but I had never paid much attention to that after I had grown a head above her. Nonetheless, she still held that sharp calmness in her stance and half-asleep look in her eyes.
"You say that every time I'm trying to think. Every. Single. Time." I replied.
"That is only because every time you think quietly to yourself, you look as though you are one poor thought from becoming a existential philosopher."
"I'd rather die."
"You say that now, but who knows five years from now?" She said as a faint smile threatened the corner of her lips.
Over the years, I had learned Hitomi's methods of showing affection. They came in fragmented expressions that were subtle enough to miss. It could be as simple as a glance to an insult meant only as teasing.
It was clear most people misunderstood her completely. Her silence was far from emotional emptiness. Instead, it was just due to her calculating mind.
I envied her persona at times.
"You should be happy," she said after a moment. "The treaty is being signed today."
"Happy really is not the word I would use."
"Relieved, then?"
That was closer.
Three years.
It had been three years of negotiations, rebellions, executions, supply shortages, political drama, and enough blood to paint a town red. The eastern conflicts that had begun before my arrival had ended only because of me.
And it was not thanks to father for trusting me. It was only because of what he forced me to represent.
As much as I hated him, I missed him as well. That contradiction alone irritated me more than most things in life. Although he was a worthless bastard, he was still my father and the only memory left of my mother.
I would wonder sometimes whether that was true reason I could never bring myself to hate him completely. Every memory of her eventually circled back to him somehow. Her laughter beside him. Her hands wrapped in his. The old portraits where she smiled while he looked at her as though she were the center of the world itself.
Perhaps that was also the reason his cruelty disappointed me so.
Because some parts of me wanted to believe she could only have loved the best of men.
"You're thinking about them again," Hitomi observed.
"My family?"
"But not only them."
I was left silent at that.
Hitomi had caught my internal thoughts again. She always did.
Three years later and I still remembered that little boy who clutched to his mother's corpse beneath a mountain of ash and blood. The way his tiny hands shook when I tossed him the Anderfell mask was still distinct in my mind.
I wondered if he still had it. Dammit, I wondered if he was still alive. Perhaps it would have been healthier for him if had thrown sold it off for money.
"You did more than most would have." Hitomi said quietly.
"That doesn't mean that it was enough." I shot back.
"No," she agreed. "But it does mean you tried."
I hated the way she said things like that - with that honesty. Hitomi never comforted me with lies. That was part of why I trusted her completely. It was also why ever comment such as that one stung as much as the Sun's kiss.
At last, the command hall doors slid open.
"Prince Ambrose," a servant called. "They are ready for you."
The negotiation chamber was almost suffocatingly ornate; every surface polished to perfection. Golden dragons coiled across the painted walls while incense smoke curled lazily through the air above the diplomats gathered inside.
And there, seated in the center like a lone Star, was an open seat beside Kaito.
He looked exactly as my memory had portrayed him. It had been years since those early campaigns, and his face was as disgusting as I remembered. He was still a war criminal wrapped in silk.
"Your Highness," he greeted me as I approached. "You kept us waiting."
"My apologies," I replied rudely. "I was busy attempting to clean up your atrocities."
Several of the authorities around us stiffened at that. Even Hitomi seemed as though she were seconds away from pretending to not know me.
"You've grown bolder," he replied flatly.
"And you've only become older."
"That is the case."
I took my seat beside him and waited. The treaty scroll rested on the table before us made of black lacquered wood. Signatures and alters of thousands of hours lived permanently on its surface, calling for me to sign it.
The trade agreements. The territorial concessions. The military restrictions. The ceasefire. They were all just pretty words that were meant to disguise compromises. That was the politics I had grown to know.
"You understand what happens after this, correct?" Hitomi whispered to me.
"Yes."
"The eastern territories will begin to stabilize. The Anderfell will gain even more power over the seas. The noble houses surrounding you will grow immensely." Hitomi shifted her gaze. "And you?"
I looked towards the rain outside. "I'll finally go home." For the first time in years.
That realization still felt unreal.
I wondered how much everyone had changed.
Aurelia was seven now, so she was probably already deep into her studies. Amarinda probably didn't even remember me, I had been gone for longer than she had known me. The quadruplets had never even really met me.
The thought of how much I had missed always hurt me.
And so, I finally signed the treaty. Just like that, three years of my life had concluded with nothing but a signature.
Strange-
"So this is farewell." Kaito smirked.
"Hopefully forever."
He chuckled slightly. "Your hate is unwarranted."
My hatred seemed so simple. Kaito was evil. But he was also intelligent. Effective. Loyal to his nation to such a degree that most men only dreamed of. And perhaps that was the thing that made him most terrifying - the realization that he was a monster in human flesh.
"You'll make a frightening king one day," he said.
"I sincerely hope not."
Hitomi rose at my side as the meeting concluded, clear to me she wanted to leave. But before I could, Kaito spoke once more.
"One warning, Prince Ambrose."
I paused. "You will be scared how the boy who left home is not the one who returns." I met his gaze.
"I know."
***
The ship ride back westward lasted weeks. Oddly enough, it was peaceful.
Just the ocean.
At night, I would often stand near the railing while waves crashed into us beneath the moonlight. The sea smelled far cleaner than blood and war.
Hitomi would usually join me eventually in the evening.
"You're smiling more," she noted. "More than I've ever seen."
"I wasn't aware you were monitoring things like that."
"I monitor everything."
"Seems exhausting."
"It is."
A brief silence settled between us before:
"You're nervous."
I sighed. "Am I that obvious?"
"To me? Yes. To anyone else? I wouldn't know."
Fair enough.
"I don't know what waits for me at home anymore," I admitted to myself. "Three years... is a lot..."
"Your family misses you."
"That isn't among my concerns."
Hitomi tilted her head slightly.
"The war changed me. I am very aware of that much. I simply don't know yet if it changed me for the better."
"You're kinder than most rulers I've met."
"That is at an extremely low standard."
"It is still true."
I glanced at her slightly. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You're coming back to Velgrin as a member of my guard because father ordered it. Does that not bother you?"
Hitomi shrugged lazily. "Not particularly. You are tolerable."
"Wow. That may be the nicest thing you have ever said to me."
"Do not get emotional."
For a moment, I laughed harder than I had in years. And strangely, the sound startled me.
The sight of Velgrin also startled me. We were porting in Fallowmere, Tarwyn, and it was different.
As our carriage rolled through the Fallowmere's outer, I found myself starring almost disbelievingly through the windows. The fields were healthier. The roads were cleaner. New buildings stood where old houses used to lay on their last legs.
Three years ago, poverty had basically made itself the blood of this city.
And now it was better. It wasn't perfect, but it was certainly improving.
"The treaty my father worked on when we were here before actually worked." I murmured.
Hitomi looked outside briefly. "It looks nothing of what you described."
Trade routes from Eldenmark had been able to revitalize an entire country apparently. Grains imports alone stabilized the food shortages while the new harbor agreements created jobs faster than I expected.
For once, father's politics had actually helped someone.
It was a rare miracle.
"Let's go south here," I told the coachman.
"Oh, something you want to see?" Hitomi asked.
"Of the sort."
We rode for a few more minutes, and then I saw him.
Harlen.
The farmer I had once helped all those years ago stood near his now thriving fields. He seemed far older and broader now, but he was unmistakable.
Recognition crossed his face as I exited the carriage.
"Well, I'll be damned," he laughed as I shook his hand. "The young prince has returned strong and proud."
I held my arm out before the guards could step forward.
"You knew who I was?" I asked in amused disbelief.
"You had looked just as described, I'm sure everyone in the city did."
I looked myself up and now, flexing my body to show how much I'd changed.
"And you still remember me?"
"You helped repair half my damn farm, boy," he snorted. "Hard to forget. I should be far more impressed you remember a poor man such as me."
His eyes shifted towards the direction of the main city with a proud gleam.
"Things got far better after you left. Folks say it started with the agreements all those years ago."
A strange warmth settled comfortably in my stomach.
It wasn't exactly pride. It was something quieter, but it still felt nice to be praised.
"I'm glad," I said honestly.
Harlen grinned before noticing Hitomi. "And who is this?"
"My guard."
Hitomi gave him a slight wave. "Unfortunately."
Harlen barked with laughter. "I like her already!" I smiled at the hardy sound. "Would you both like to join me and my children for dinner?"
I looked at Hitomi and then back at Harlen.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we really must be leaving." I said with a disappointed sigh.
"Oh, that is quite all right," he said with a reassuring smile. "But if you are ever back around here, do not steer away from asking me a meal."
Eventually, the carriage continued toward the Braerhold Manor. Even the Dyter estate looked far less miserable than I remembered. It was still overly ornate though - some things would never change.
Duke Izod practically busted through his own doors to greet us. "Prince Ambrose!" he exclaimed. "My word, have a look at you!"
I bowed politely in response. "It has been some time, Duke Dyter."
"Indeed! Indeed!" His gaze shifted curiously over to Hitomi. "And this is?"
"Hitomi." she answered.
"A pleasure!" he declared despite Hitomi visibly not caring in the slightest.
Servants guided us toward the parlor while nobles and other attendants whispered quietly nearby.
Then I noticed Cecilia.
She stood near the far fireplace, posture rigid.
Three years had changed her drastically.
The childish roundness had faded from her features, replaced by sharp elegance. Her red hair now nearly fell to the end of her hips while her cold amber eyes fixed onto me with immediate irritation.
Ah-
So that hadn't changed.
"Cecilia," Duke Izod said nervously. "Come greet Prince Ambrose."
"I can see him perfectly well from here."
"Wonderful." I sighed internally.
Dinner became almost unbearable immediately. It started normally with discussions about trade, politics, and overseas reconstruction.
Then Duke Izod casually destroyed my peace.
"With the treaty now in its final stages," he announced proudly. "We have set up both of your rooms for your stays. Plans will continue as they were originally intended."
Silence.
I blinked. "...Our stay...?" I asked with an edge to my voice, praying to myself I had heard him wrong.
Duke Izod paused in response before continuing with a nervous smile. "Oh... So it appears King Alaric Anderfell did not inform you... Very well, you and Cecilia may as well learn of it together...!"
What the hell was he talking about?
I looked over at Cecilia and she seemed just as scared as I did. There wasn't even a glimpse of hate for me at that moment as all we could think about was what her father could possibly have to say.
"Ambrose Anderfell," he continued with a crack in his voice. "Since you are here, we shall move forward with the final stages of the agreement. You and Cecilia will enter the engagement as our families issued."
I felt my chest tighten.
Hitomi nearly choked on her drink.
"You arranged a marriage?!" Cecilia snapped, her face filled with so much anger I was surprised she hadn't already darted from the table.
"Yes, between yourself and Prince Ambrose Anderfell." Her father, somehow unfazed, replied calmly. "It was negotiated at their last stay, years ago."
"Without informing me?" I said flatly, my face losing color.
"You were not ready."
"And we are now?!" Cecilia yelled at him.
"That is a technicality. It is the reason the ceremony will happen in three years once you have both reached eighteen. You have until then."
Cecilia stood abruptly. "Most absolutely not!"
Up to this moment, I had rarely talked with Cecilia, much less agreed.
But now, I absolutely did.
"With respect," I said carefully. "This information should have been shared significantly earlier."
"Now is when it is politically most advantageous." Her father said again, trying to sound cold and calculating although he was clearly in the same awkward position as ourselves.
It was always about politics.
"I refuse. Do you not remember what his family did to us. I will do no such thing."
"You do not decide that." her father warned sharply.
"And yet somehow I still did."
I almost admired her courage.
Almost.
The argument only spiraled from there on as I remained seated as my mind ran numb.
Eventually, Cecilia stormed from the room. And I followed moments later. I wasn't sure whether it was out of fear for myself if I stayed or that she might do something drastic if left alone. Or something else.
"Cecilia," I called once I caught up.
She turned instantly. "What?!"
"I merely wish that I had prior knowledge about this either. If I had-"
"Congratulations."
"I did not mean that sarcastically."
"Well, everything you say sounds sarcastic you bastard prince!"
That was a fair point, especially as of our current predicament.
I exhaled tiredly. "Look, I understand your frustration, but-"
"No, you do not!"
"I truly do."
"I used to idolize you as a child! Your family tore apart mine when I was eight! You entered my home three years ago for a month without much more than a conversation with myself and now you are back, engaged to me without as much as a warning!" Her eyes narrowed furiously. "Surely you do realize how insane that is?!"
"When phrased that way, yes."
"When phrased ANY way!"
I opened my mouth once again to attempt diplomacy.
Cecilia opened hers in response and spat directly into my eye, looking equally as surprised with herself for a moment before storming off once again in pure anger.
I froze as I watched her walk away.
Only a second later, Hitomi appeared by my side with a handkerchief. "...Did she really just spit at you?"
"Yes."
"That was quiet impressive aim for that distance."
"I am experiencing a crisis."
"That makes two of us."
I wiped my face slowly as I watched the hallway.
Three damned years of surviving that war.
And somehow this was equally as bad.
It would be three more years here.
Eventually we reached my new chambers where I slammed myself onto the bed.
It was larger when I was here last. Colder as well.
Hitomi set belongings down near the adjoining room entrance.
"You'll survive," she muttered.
"That is not the concern this time." I stared at her as she shrugged lightly before leaning against the window.
For a while, neither of us spoke.
The estate beyond the glass glowed beneath evening lanterns while distant laughter drifted faintly through the halls.
A home. Or something close to it.
"You know," Hitomi murmured eventually. "For someone so excited to return home, you seem miserable."
"This is not my true home. And even if it were..." I sat heavily beside the bedframe. "I would have expected it to feel far more familiar."
"And it doesn't."
"It does not."
I know I was back in Velgrin now, older, smarter, and taller.
I know I was no longer a child nor yet an adult.
But this continent shouldn't have felt as alien as it did.
This was supposed to be my home.