The Third Hokage, Orochimaru and Shikaku gathered before Sakura's hospital bed in a secret room within the new Hokage Residence. It had been hours since Team Ebisu had brought her back, and despite Orochimaru's best efforts, the poor girl was still comatose. Her skin was pink and flushed, her stiff nipples forming small peaks under her sweat-drenched sheets.
Even in unconsciousness, her expression remained faintly contorted with pain.
"Mind you, it could have been worse," Orochimaru said silkily. "If it hadn't been for little Konohamaru and his friends calling for help, who knows what state she might be in now…"
"Mmh, that's my grandson for you. He's grown into a fine shinobi."
The Third Hokage hovered behind Orochimaru, glowering at his back. He still hadn't forgiven his former disciple for murdering him, but for the sake of the village, he was willing to give up his grudge… but truth be told, he was a little happy inside that this snake had finally seen the light.
But even so! He would much rather not have had to die for Orochimaru to learn his lesson!
"This is a nightmare," Shikaku sighed, facepalming. "How could the Lady Sixth do something so foolish if she knew this is precisely what would happen if she obtained another Kekkei Genkai?"
Orochimaru flicked his tongue.
"I doubt Sakura-kun did so on purpose," he explained. "When I first took over her clone's body, it took me quite some time to understand how her powers worked… I had to drug myself in order to make myself more receptive, and even then, it was only after a dozen hypnosis sessions that I finally found the proper mindset… her yearning for breasts must have been stronger than even she herself realised, if she managed to activate Breast Flow without even using the correct techniques…"
Shikaku looked at Orochimaru and Hiruzen.
"There must be something you can do, Lord Orochimaru," he said, but he simply shook his head. If he couldn't even save himself, how could he possibly help Sakura? "Lord Third, you've been to the Manyū clan's quarters many times since your return, haven't you?" he then asked hopefully, turning to Hiruzen. "Could it be that you've learned some secret jutsu from them that might be of help? It's their Kekkei Genkai, they must have some idea…"
The Third Hokage had many monikers in his lifetime.
Sarutobi Hiruzen was the second man to be hailed as the God of Shinobi after the First Hokage, and owing to his extensive knowledge of the village's jutsu, he was affectionately nicknamed The Professor… though that nickname carried a certain wry irony when coming from the Secret Art clans, since he had more-or-less strong-armed them into teaching him their Hiden Jutsu.
All that to say, Shikaku was hoping that the Third Hokage had learned some secret technique or miraculous medicine-compounding technique from the Manyū, experts in the female anatomy, that would help restore the Lady Sixth to full health.
"Heh," Orochimaru sniggered. "I'm sure Sarutobi-sensei exchanged many pointers with the shinobi of the Manyū clan, but I doubt they would be of much help in this situation…"
Ever since the Lord Third had been restored to life, not a day had gone by without him diligently practising pro-wrestling with the charming kunoichi of the Manyū clan, sharpening his bedroom arts under the sheets, on the kitchen counter, on the floor, against the wall, standing… doggy style… missionary… cowgirl… spin cycle… wheelbarrow…
…and many more styles, whose names could not be spoken in polite company.
"Ahem!" Hiruzen coughed loudly, interrupting his unfilial disciple before he could say anything untoward. "That's right, I have learned many medical techniques and previously undiscovered acupoints from this cultured clan… let me try some Manyū-style palpation first…"
Without an ounce of shame in his wizened old body, Hiruzen pulled up Sakura's top and groped her right breast, his hooked fingers sinking deeply into the soft and pliable, yet resilient and bouncy, flesh.
His mind went blank.
"Lord Third…?"
Startled, Hiruzen withdrew his hand. Five minutes had already passed without his noticing. Had he somehow discovered some kind of revolutionary space-time ninjutsu that allowed him to travel through time!?
"Ahem," he coughed again, plugging up his nostrils with tissues to staunch the torrent of blood spurting from his nose. "Yes, I agree with Orochimaru's diagnosis. Without a doubt—"
He broke off as Sakura audibly groaned.
"—it's too soon to tell," he finished lamely.
Had he woken her up?
"In any case, Konoha cannot be left without a Hokage," Hiruzen went on. "In the absence of the Lords First, Second and Fourth, I'm afraid someone must rise to the challenge and take up the mantle, and as I am the most qualified person left in the village…"
"Not so hard, Sasuke…" Sakura moaned.
Hiruzen paused for a few seconds.
"Not the Raikiri… domestic violence is no good… Ooh~ Naruto, my hero…"
Sakura stirred in her sleep, clutching at her chest as though she had been stabbed, then fell silent again with a pleased expression on her face. Orochimaru pinched her eyelids open and checked her pupils, but she was still very much comatose.
"We cannot stand divided in these troubled times, so my first act as Hokage will be to undo the disavowal of good old friend, Danzō—"
Sakura's eyes flew open.
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" she roared, sitting up straight.
She blinked, then glanced down and saw her hospital gown bunched up over the curve of her chest. Why were her tits fully exposed in front of these three fine gentlemen?
"KYAAAH!?"
Sakura hastily made herself presentable again.
"Milady, Iwagakure's army has simultaneously entered the Land of Grass, the Land of Rain, and the Land of Waterfalls," Shikaku said quickly. "The First Hokage, along with our troops and Kusa's forces, has engaged the enemy in Kusagakure, where he had been growing a forest to serve as a natural barrier."
Sakura's eyes widened in shock.
"Ōnoki finally grew a spine? He's attacking by himself? With no one else to draw away our attention!?" she said, gobsmacked. "No, that can't be right… that crafty old bastard must be up to something."
Sakura's gaze hardened.
"But Takigakure's one of their targets, you were saying?" she said grimly. "I know they're our sworn allies, but if push comes to shove, we'll have to step in… Iwagakure must not be allowed to obtain the Hero Water."
Whoever imbibed the elixir produced by the enormous tree beneath whose roots Takigakure was hidden would see their chakra multiplied tenfold, but in exchange for this power amplification, their lifespan would decrease proportionally to the increase in chakra.
As far as Sakura knew, only one person had ever survived more than a few days after drinking it: Shibuki, Takigakure's chief. According to Fū, the former Seven-Tails Jinchūriki, Shibuki was such a weakling that the Hero Water had had almost nothing to multiply, resulting in him losing barely any of his lifespan.
After all, zero times ten is still zero… but Iwagakure had plenty of weaklings. Ten times one was still ten, but if you multiplied that figure by fifty thousand…
"Takigakure has never been successfully invaded in its entire history," Hiruzen pointed out, casually pocketing a blood-drenched handkerchief. "No one knows where it is, not even I."
But Sakura knew, and Kakuzu knew… and if Kakuzu knew, not to mention the Zetsus, then the Akatsuki almost certainly did as well. And if Iwagakure was retaining the Akatsuki's services…
"It's a shame Jiraiya-sensei killed Kakuzu a few months ago," Sakura sighed as she swung her legs out of bed. She was already feeling much better, and there was still work waiting for her in the office, work she had put off while charging up in Shikkotsu Forest. "I would very much have liked to see a revival of Kakuzu's legendaryduel with the First Hokage…"
Who knows, maybe this time around, Kakuzu would have thrown a kunai at him from half a kilometre away before running away, rather than from the full kilometre away like the first time?