I smiled as I took a picture to send to Dominic.
I was currently sitting in a middle school gym, watching Isabella absolutely dominate in basketball, and it was actually pretty fun.
I looked back down at my phone. Dominic hearted the picture.
Domie: Can I call you baby?
I rolled my eyes with a smile.
Me: No. I am watching Isabella play basketball right now. I will call you later.
He thumbs down the message, and I smile even wider. He's so stupid.
I looked back up at Isabella.
I don't even know how long I have been here, but I think they are almost done.
Oh, wait, they are done.
I watched as Isabella ran over to me, "I'm so glad you came today. I know it's just practice, but Dad never comes," Isabella said with a smile.
Oh my heart hurts, "Anytime you want me to come, just let me know, and I will be there," I said, and the two of us walked to where her things and her friends were. Then she started talking to them as I awkwardly stood off to the side.
As much as I would love to eavesdrop, I know it's not my place, so I am going to pretend like the giant banners on the gym wall are somehow more interesting.
"This is Ryder." Suddenly, I am back in the conversation, "he's my dad's fiancé, and my stepdad." I smiled. Oh my god, I am going to hold this kid and never let go.
I waved to her friends, and one of them said, "he looks young."
"It's because I am young," I said, holding back a non-age-appropriate joke as her friends nodded.
"Okay, I am ready to go now," she said, then turned back to her friends. "I will see you guys tomorrow." And just like that, we made our way out of the gym
"They seem nice," I said as we walked over to the car.
"Yeah, they are," Isabella said.
We made it to the car, and Isabella had this unreadable expression on her face. "Something on your mind?" I asked as I opened the door for her,
"Thank you. Uh, not really," she said back to me.
I followed after her, "Not really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I know we talk about it, but," I shut the door of the car and put on my seatbelt as one of Dom's bodyguards slowly started to reverse the car out of the parking lot, "are you okay with me calling you my stepdad? Because I have been calling you that to my friends."
I smiled, "Yeah, that's fine, if that's what you want to call me. And Ryder or your dad's fiancé is also fine," I said.
I shoved down this feeling of being a replacement and never being enough, and I just tried to be here for her in the moment.
"Okay," Isabella said, and the rest of the car ride was quiet.
After we got to the house, we thanked the bodyguard, then made our way back to her room, with her doing her homework and me knitting on her floor.
"Do you know when my dad is getting back?"
I itched the inside of my ear, "uh, I'm not sure, but it's a week-long trip, so probably in a couple of days. Why do you ask?"
"I need him to stay longer," she blurted out, and I started laughing.
"That's not very nice."
"Ugh, I'm sorry, but he keeps hogging you from me. Like, as soon as I get home, you are always with him, and I want you to hang out with me," Isabella said, pouting.
God, she's just like her dad. I smiled, "bro just tell me when you wanna hang out, and I will gladly ditch his old ass."
"Okay, I will, and please do not let him come in here, because he makes everything awkward."
"Well, that's just how he is. He is trying to bond with his daughter, but he can't, but he is trying, and that's all that matters."
"I guess," she said, and then she turned around in her chair and shoved a piece of paper in my face, "I finished all of my homework at school, but can you check this one for me?"
I put my knitting down and took the piece of paper in my hands, "Yeah, which class is it for?"
"Fucking advisory, we just have to write a couple lines about our life, and I wanna know if these sound coherent."
"Okay," I muttered.
I started reading them, and I found myself smiling. It just felt good to be with Isabella. She was such a good kid, and sure, I did consider her more than a friend, than I do a stepdaughter, I still feel very protective over her, like a parent would. "These all look good," I said, handing the paper back to her.
"Okay, thank you," she said, and I watched as she put the paper back in her folder and stood up.
"What?" I asked, looking up at her.
"We should get DoorDash and then watch…I don't know, whatever is on Netflix."
"That sounds like a good idea. What are you thinking about for food?"
"Maybe sushi."
"Door dashing sushi sounds fucking gross."
"We just need to get it from a good place," Isabella said as we made our way down the stairs and into the living room.
I handed her my phone, "I'll look for the movie, and you get your nasty DoorDash sushi."
"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," she said as I clicked through Netflix.
"Oh wait," I clicked out of Netflix and into YouTube, "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus."
"Bro, what?"
"Prime barbie movie," I said, typing it into the television, "14.99, buying this for life, fuck Dominic," I said, and I clicked a couple of buttons, and I turned on the movie.
"This looks terrible, but I am so into it."
"I was like 1 when this movie came out, so of course it's gonna look wack. But my siblings and I used to watch this one, along with all of the other ones, but this one is lowkey my shit."
"Okay. And then do you want anything specific, or do you want to be surprised?"
"Surprise me," I said, grabbing the blanket off the couch and laying it over Isabella and me.
"Okay, I ordered it," she said, and put my phone down on the table.
Isabella looked up at the screen. "So she is friends with a horse?"
"It's a pegasus, and shush, don't ask questions and just watch the movie, the pegasus isn't even here yet," I said.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not a pro," she said, laughing.
And as the two of us stared at the low-quality movie almost older than both of us, part of me felt empty. And for once, it wasn't about the role I could never fill; it was about missing Dominic.
I guess Isabella reminds me so much of her dad, so just being with her makes me miss him more than I should.
I just want to call him, but I know that's not good for either of us.
But I just feel so empty without him.
I sighed.
Well, I guess that's love, or a deluded sense of it. This empty sensation that only goes away when they are near you.
I sighed again.
I guess that is truly love.