A few minutes later, post Juliet's heartfelt fan girl scream.
Juliet knelt on the ground, head placed against the floor. "I'm so sorry! I was cringe! I apologize! Don't hate me!"
Rin giggled and said, "Hm... Should we forgive her, Hana?"
"Well, Rin~ She did say I was her Oshi..." Hana placed a finger on her chin, a teasing smile on her face.
John rolled his eyes and said, "Stop bullying your kouhai and help me unpack this stuff, Rin, Hana. You two are the strongest here next to me."
""Fiiiine.""
Rin and Hana spoke at the same time, making a stereo effect.
Juliet let out a silly smile at hearing it, then caught herself and visibly cringed, covering her head.
Meanwhile, Erie walked over with a smug smile on her face. "Ohoho?" She knelt down next to Juliet and poked her chin. "So this is what you're really like, huh, Julie? That cool and put together look is fake, huh?"
Hope covered her face, pretending to be composed but barely hiding her bright smile. "D-Don't tease her, Erie! Julie is suffering!"
Juliet groaned and said, "Why am I liiike this! My oshi saw how I am..."
John chuckled as he pulled a box of ingredients off the wagon, setting it down on a counter. "Hey, it could be worse. Aoko found out that FailureFox and StraightGarbage had a pregnancy scare."
Juliet gasped and jumped to her feet. "WHAT?!"
Erie burst out laughing. "No. NO WAY! Those two?! Really?!"
Hope sighed. "Mister John... you shouldn't be spreading drama like this..."
John grabbed another box and said, "I'll spread all the drama I want since I give people permission to spread my drama too."
Xuan walked over and helped arrange the ingredients from the first box. As she did, she nodded and said, "Yes, yes! Father has a very dramatic life!"
Wu walked over to help her sister and nodded. "Yes! Like the time Papa let Mama Yue scold us!"
John coughed. "Okay, maybe not THAT drama..."
Xuan and Wu let out a mischievous giggle.
John sighed. "...And you two have been spending too much time around Rin and Hana."
Rin plopped a box down on the counter and said, "That's mean, Mister John! I'm a great influence!"
"You are, unironically, a high functioning stepford smiler, Rin. I am always mildly concerned when you are around children."
Hana tilted her head and smiled after handing John a crate of corn. "...What's a stepford smiler, Mister John?"
"...You see." John raised an eyebrow. "You two are getting too good at that. I can't tell what's a bit and what's real anymore. The only thing I know for real is-"
Hope immediately jumped to her feet. "Ooh! I know this one! Ahem! There will be blood... shed! The man in the mirror nods his head!"
Erie laughed and chimed in. "The only one... left! Will ride upon the dragon's back because the mountains don't give back what they take..."
John facepalmed. "Of course. Of course you two would know that song. What's next?"
Juliet slowly looked at John.
John paused. "Juliet. Juliet no."
"...Memes are the DNA of the soul?"
John sighed. "Okay. Food time. The heavens know I need to get my mind off the fact that the normie in this group is the one who unironically uses memes like a Facebook grandmother-" John paused and looked at Hope.
Hope tilted her head, confused.
Then John nodded. "Right. Midwesterner. Soccer moms and stuff. Makes sense."
"What?" Hope blinked. "What does that mean? And what's a Facebook, Mister John?"
Erie let out a scandalized gasp. "Mister John! Do you have a roster?"
"Nope, never did, despite how many people tried otherwise. And insisted." John washed his hands and started making macaroni from scratch with some flour, eggs, and... a chopstick?
Juliet noticed and her eyes widened. "Are you... manually extruding the macaroni through the dough with a chopstick and then cutting it into swirls?!"
Silver flashed as John swung a cleaver, casually spinning it on his wrist. "Yes. Problem?"
"...No. I mean, not really. I guess it doesn't matter HOW you make the actual macaroni since you're doing it from scratch. But how in the world...?"
Rin's eyes lit up, watching the cleaver in John's hand like a cat to a laser beam.
Hana stared too, her hand twitching like she wanted to try it.
John noticed and then set his cleaver down before rummaging in the kitchen drawer and handing over a pair of plastic cleavers. "Here you two. You can practice with these."
"YAY!" Rin grabbed the cleaver from John and raised it in the air with both hands. "Da da da da! You got training cleaver!"
Hana giggled and grabbed the other cleaver. "Plastic cleaver, GET!"
Erie nervously took a few steps back. "Uh..." She looked at John and said, "Mister John. Are you SURE you should be giving those to Rin and Hana?"
Rin paused and tilted her head to look at Erie. "...Should I not have it, Erie-chan?"
"N-Nah! You can have it! No problems there! Nope! None! Definitely none!" Erie quickly shook her head and looked at Hope. "R-Right, Hope?"
Hope quickly nodded. "That's fine! Absolutely fine! Knife tricks are cool!"
Hana giggled. "You get us, Hope! That's why we like you!"
Xuan picked up a plastic filet knife and pointed it at Hope. "Yes! Big Sister Hope is cool!"
Wu picked up a plastic fork and said, "Very cool!"
Juliet looked at the twins. Then at Hana and Rin who were DEFINITELY doing the axe dance from a certain kung fu hustling movie...
After that, she looked at Johnny and said, "So... baseball, huh?"
John paused. "...How do you even know that- No. Never mind. Come help me with the sauce, Juliet. We'll do proper Italian dishes first. There's various cheeses in that box. I'll make the pasta. The ingredients for everything else is there too. And there should be some for tiramisu."
Juliet's eyes lit up. "Even ladyfingers?"
Rin gasped. "Italian food uses fingers from women?!"
Hana gasped too and said, "Wow! No wonder it tastes so good!"
Erie immediately scrambled back, her emerald eyes wide with genuine concern. "PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A BIT."
Hope hugged Erie and rapidly nodded. "Y-Yes! This is a bit, right Rin? Hana? I-Is this part of the hazing?"
Rin and Hana giggled.
John sighed. "Okay, you two. Tone it down. You're seriously going to give Erie and Hope a heartattack at this point. You have to remember that they aren't used to your antics like Yuri and the others."
Rin paused and then let out an apologetic smile towards Hope and Erie. "Sorry..."
Hana did the same and bowed her head. "It's just a bit! Relax! We're joking, honest!"
Rin nodded. "It's funny watching people panic when we play scary and creepy, but we don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Juliet smiled and said, "That's my Oshi! Best imouto!"
Rin giggled. "Thanks, Juliet!"
Hana smiled back at Juliet and said, "And you're the best fan! Oh! But don't tell anyone!"
Juliet gave a serious nod and said, "Cross my heart and hope to die."
Hope panicked. "I'm going to die?!"
John groaned. "Dammit. The chemistry in this group is TOO good... every five minutes is a whole sitcom episode..."
Erie rolled her eyes and said, "Relax, Hope. It's an expression."
"O-Oh. Right! I knew that!"
John sighed. "There's rootbeer in the fridge. Ice cream in the freezer. Go make yourselves some floats and calm down."
Hope's eyes lit up and she said, "Ooh! I've always wanted to make a real rootbeer float! I've only ordered one!"
Erie blinked. "What the heck is a rootbeer float?"
Hope gasped. "YOU'VE NEVER HAD A ROOTBEER FLOAT?!"
Erie's ears turned a bright red and she said, "H-Hey! I'm not all normie like you, okay? I barely drink soda in the first place."
Hope tilted her head. "Soda? You mean pop?"
Juliet paused. "Pop? What the heck is pop?"
John sighed. "It's soda, Juliet. They just call it pop there. Like how people in Texas call every soda a coke."
Hope's eyes widened. "They call everything a coke in Texas?! What do they call an orange pop then?!"
"Orange coke. Pepsi coke. Diet coke. Sprite coke... I've heard some weird things in my time."
Rin tilted her head and said, "...What's a rootbeer?"
John groaned. "Heaven's above... I knew culture clash was going to be a thing, but GODDAMMIT-"